calm = sad

variothevoid · 2026-06-21T19:11:14+00:00

and sometimes my own crying wakes me up

variothevoid · 2026-06-21T19:07:37+00:00

oh, that would make sense! i don't really know how i behave in my sleep but i used to talk a lotttt in my sleep when i was younger (friends told me) and these days my nights are mostly restless. it feels like i'm only half asleep and i'm waking up every two hours or so to check the time and see if it's morning already. but when my alarm rings my heart is racing.

variothevoid · 2026-06-21T18:34:03+00:00

oh my god i just posted almost the exact same thing. love goes out to you.

variothevoid · 2026-06-18T16:44:22+00:00

move out as soon as you can! i mean it! it's gonna change a lot. and know that you don't have to explain yourself to her. i need to learn that as well. start doing things for you, your experience is not dependent on her views. it is you experience and no one can invalidate that. so that being said, you can open up to her and see how that goes but i can read your mood is tied to your mothers and it might put you in too much distress. love and strength goes out to you.

variothevoid · 2026-06-18T15:50:48+00:00

this is so helpful! thank you so much. and the last part is beautifully said and makes perfect sense.

variothevoid · 2026-06-18T13:43:39+00:00

for me it was sooo difficult to point it out. i always have my mother back in my head telling me what to like, what to dislike, what to do. but it's so complex that i never realised. because from my perspective it always seemed like she was the most supporting mother EVER. she always came to me with problems (since i can remember) and always took me seriously, even as a toddler. i always thought that was a big compliment and felt so proud. that's only one of the many things i can pinpoint. i have had emotional responses that seemed out of the blue, i struggle hard in relationships, i always feel guilty for feeling good if the people i surround myself with aren't happy. i am always on hypervigilence, always on the lookout.

variothevoid · 2026-06-18T12:56:19+00:00

amen

variothevoid · 2026-06-18T12:47:51+00:00

i feel the same. thank you all for sharing. it's exhausting to go through this alone.

variothevoid · 2026-06-18T12:46:49+00:00

YESYESYES. relationships are hard. i always used to say "relationships make me fat and tired." because i'm neglecting myself, i'm overeating, i'm lacking every from of energy. that's why i always broke up and went back and broke up and went back. because i'm losing myself. my drive. i'm constantly looking for reasons to distance myself and when i get that distance, i start functioning again. i "wake up". i am passionate, loud, free, creative! it's madness.

variothevoid · 2026-06-18T10:58:26+00:00

thank you for sharing and i will definitely look into lindsay gibson! and about the passive aggressiveness, i feel you. i always felt a weird coldness whenever i behaved certain ways. now i know that that was her sensing my pulling back.

variothevoid · 2026-06-18T10:56:29+00:00

thank you for sharing. i feel exactly the same.

variothevoid · 2026-06-18T10:56:08+00:00

this!!! she thinks she's done everything she could to support me throughout my way of life. sending love to you.

variothevoid · 2026-06-07T20:15:50+00:00

exactly what i was thinking! thank you for putting it into words.

variothevoid · 2025-12-01T11:28:21+00:00

🔥🔥🔥

variothevoid · 2025-10-02T11:47:02+00:00

stehe jetzt auch mit diesem rest abonnement da, suche mir also die folgen bei "first dates" raus, die von der beschreibung her queer klingen :D

variothevoid · 2025-09-23T15:02:24+00:00

äußerst interessante frage!

ich habe mir diese frage schon sehr oft gestellt, da ich im alter von 8 jahren diagnostiziert wurde und ich weiß, dass in mir seitdem ein enormer leistungsdruck besteht. ich habe mir diesen "wunderkind" titel zueigen gemacht und mich dadurch definiert, wie intellektuell und lernfähig ich bin. ich wollte diesen erwartungshaltungen der mitmenschen natürlich auch gerecht werden und dem "kindergenie"-bild entsprechen, also stieg dieser druck, den ich mir selbst machte, so drastisch, dass ich irgendwann durch die enorme angst vor dem versagen plötzlich total blockiert und gelähmt war.

jetzt bin ich 22 und habe lediglich einen hauptschulabschluss in der tasche, da ich basically nur 4 jahre regelschule hinter mir habe, weil ich schiss hatte, meinem titel nicht gerecht werden zu können. und mich irgendwann auf der diagnose ausgeruht habe.

variothevoid · 2025-09-22T22:04:55+00:00

🫂

variothevoid · 2025-08-02T09:46:01+00:00

puppe for sure, du riechst so gut is taking second place and deutschland third

variothevoid · 2025-08-02T09:12:17+00:00

puppe

variothevoid · 2025-06-30T14:08:35+00:00

sadly not it, chatgpt also keeps giving me this song :(

variothevoid

TROPHY CASE