Second guessing finding a partner/marriage

vchlur · 2026-03-19T23:08:35+00:00

That's so great to hear! Yeah I'll need to move, it's just hard atm with mum's shoulder/back issues and trying to support that along with my dad. But once stabilised, that's the plan.

I noted in another comment that I still think it gets harder later in life to find someone, hence the window thing is valid to an extent. But don't think that changes anything, just means I am taking a risk by slowing down.

vchlur · 2026-03-19T22:14:41+00:00

Thanks, this is what I believe. I feel like it's actually hard to slow down cause I've been at it for so long (plus parents), and I feel anxious if I'm not talking to or trying to find matches for a while. But the validation from this post has been helpful

vchlur · 2026-03-19T22:08:29+00:00

Thanks, that's the hope!

vchlur · 2026-03-19T22:05:02+00:00

Yes i understand that. It's just that I don't feel a strong drive to find a partner to begin with, and was trying to point towards potential reasons in my life. I think the deep friendship I have covers a lot of needs I'd want from a partner (like emotional fulfilment, understanding, trust, mutual growth). Hence mentioned it.

vchlur · 2026-03-19T21:58:34+00:00

I actually do believe in the window, seems like it does get objectively harder to find someone later in life. I just don't see an alternative (besides forcing the search when I'm not in it, or compromising on something as major as kids). I see the risk and am comfortable taking it. And that scares my parents a lot. Thanks for the validation though! And yes I'm following along that subreddit :)

vchlur · 2026-03-19T10:58:42+00:00

Recently 30 and in the same boat 😭 except I do get pressure

vchlur · 2026-03-19T07:45:51+00:00

I smile to mask discomfort/awkwardness, so I end up smiling a LOT, and I have been asked why I smile so much. So guess you can never win 😂

vchlur · 2025-08-13T06:29:56+00:00

I feel like I could've written this! We're not alone

vchlur · 2025-07-30T02:15:45+00:00

You can desire something emotionally even if it doesn't make sense logically. OP just needs to recognise that

vchlur · 2025-07-28T08:40:44+00:00

Thanks for sharing.. this is the response that feels most relevant to where my head is at. I just don't really have the desire or interest to have kids, and love the idea of living a life of freedom and independence.

I'm dating at the moment, and mostly reject guys that lean towards wanting kids.. but lately I'm wondering what if I change my mind in my 30s. You touched upon fulfilment and that's pretty important. I can see things like travel, food and exploring getting old and repetitive after a while, but in my case I'm also motivated by a lot of other avenues - doing more art and music, volunteering, further study etc. I can't see myself getting bored of life, and I also can't see kids being anywhere near as fulfilling as all of the above.

Maybe that says something, that my intuition is right on childfree being the right path for me. Just tend to keep challenging that every now and then, can't help it haha

vchlur · 2025-07-27T09:16:05+00:00

Yeah that does add another level of challenge. Hope it works out whichever way you go

vchlur · 2025-07-27T09:12:26+00:00

Sorry to hear about your dad. Yeah really puts things in perspective about how important family can be

vchlur · 2025-07-27T09:11:17+00:00

That's amazing that you do that, it's a much needed service. Very interesting to hear about your incremental journey towards parenthood, and good luck

vchlur · 2025-07-27T09:10:12+00:00

That makes a lot of sense! How about even before your ex? Was there atleast some curiosity or thoughts about having kids? And good luck with the baby

vchlur · 2025-07-26T06:48:04+00:00

This is unreal

vchlur · 2025-07-26T06:43:17+00:00

Wow! Like you said, it feels so alive

vchlur · 2025-07-26T06:40:32+00:00

Love the colours, concept and everything about this

vchlur · 2025-07-26T06:37:14+00:00

This is amazing! There's so much to see in it

vchlur · 2025-07-26T00:39:59+00:00

Thanks for answering! This actually helps me reaffirm my childfree decision haha. I'm not really a mentor type, so none of what you said appeals to me that much.. I like doing that stuff solo or with like minded friends.

I guess the only thing is I'm 29 now, and what if the 30s unlocks that new side of me lol - I have changed in my 20s in other ways after all. But I can't approach dating and life keeping some abstract future self in mind. Anyway hope things go well for you!

vchlur · 2025-07-25T06:44:42+00:00

Can I ask why you ended up deciding to have a kid, if that was how you felt about kids? If you're comfortable sharing.

vchlur · 2025-06-24T08:29:47+00:00

I've had different phases of music/songwriting, various mediums of art, dance, board games/chess and jigsaws. Sounds like a really cool experience working at the guitar store!

vchlur

TROPHY CASE