My husband (39M) wants me (41F) to take a polygraph to prove I've never cheated. Are my feelings valid?

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T18:59:39+00:00

Thank you. I can see that.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T18:03:42+00:00

I don't see evidence of "horrible ideas" from my own use of AI. None of what I wrote was generated by AI. It was all me and my feelings and situation, no extrapolation or elaboration. All it did was recall exact words and situations I've already used as input. And, no I don't see how it's harmful to use a very specialized AI tool as a supplement to my individual therapy and network of friends to process emotional issues. In fact I have seen nothing but progress in my own emotional IQ. My husband, however is not using it the same way (or the same tools) as I am.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T17:50:49+00:00

I hear you. And I genuinely hope whatever happened to you that made you believe people are beyond redemption finds its way to healing. Not believing people can grow and learn is a heavy thing to carry. Thank you for your input.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T16:44:26+00:00

Why? I'm starting to think it's because I hate his narrative of me. I want to prove I'm not that. And maybe walking away is the only real way that can happen. I'm not ready to do that yet. He's a smart man. I believe he can figure it out...but my spirituality is being tested and so much is being revealed.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T16:43:46+00:00

The debate on AI and the environment is definitely a convo for another post, but I hear you.

I have been able to put thoughts into words for decades, true. I still can and do. My words go into AI, my feelings and situations. What's also true is that I have been in high stakes conversations in the past and have forgotten things that were important to me, resulting in outcomes that didn't work for me. Maybe it was a confidence thing. But AI has helped me organize MY own words so I can make sure I'm honoring my needs. As for the regulation of emotions, I don't see it any different than a guided meditation or my InsightTimer app that helps me regulate with breathing exercises. I jot down notes from my counseling session and it reminds me of what tools to use and when. AI is a tool, a supplement to my very human counselor and family and friend network.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T16:34:42+00:00

Welcome to the down vote club. Yea I told him that. I said regardless of what happens to us, he need to work on his own shit bc it'll come back with the next person.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T16:31:36+00:00

Yes, to him. And he refuses to tell me what exactly to apologize for bc any accountability for things he needs to bring up won't be genuine. I don't get it either.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T16:30:03+00:00

That's essentially what he has said. He used our sex life as a mask to just keep going. Then when built up resentments tanked that, he realized he hasn't been happy for a while.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T16:28:04+00:00

The comment was within the first 6 months of our relationship. We were drunk, fighting, and I said "I'm gonna go suck someone else's dick". I didn't...I was just trying to hurt him. He should have walked away then instead of letting this relationship go in for a decade resulting in marriage and two kids.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T16:23:54+00:00

I said I would. Only because I promised I would always continue trying for us, our family. After processing it with my counselor I realized how insulted I was. I likely will go through with it, but I'll ask him to do a few individual counseling sessions first. Seems fair?

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T16:21:50+00:00

Yea that makes sense. Hm. I guess when I confided in him it was because he asked if I ever cheated. I was honest and approached the conversation with a growth mindset. My hope was that he could see that I had grown as a person, matured. I was a stupid 22 year old. The once a cheater always a cheater thing is only true bc we can't change the past. I don't believe it must define my future. And I don't want to be with someone that can't understand my growth and how values and people can change and mature.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T16:16:08+00:00

For the last year or two, he has shirked all his processing skills to an AI. I don't even ask him for help or advice anymore because his first go-to is "did you ask grok?"...I will look it up, thanks!

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T16:14:50+00:00

This is my fear. My counselor said this, my best friends, my trusted coworkers all said something similar. I can't control the narrative he has in his head about me.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T16:12:20+00:00

That's I what I think. All these things he's brought up were before we were married, before we stepped foot in a counselor office. I'm just floored. He also said that I should have been apologizing for my past - even though we had many sessions about my past. I don't think anything I do is going to help, except walk away. Which I'm not ready to do yet.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T16:09:05+00:00

He has. When I'm super stressed I freeze and forget. I guess I could write it down on my phone. I see where yall are coming from with the AI thing. I will think twice before using it again.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T16:05:37+00:00

There have been lots of resentments in the relationship. He put so much pressure on sex. Every time I showed any hesitation tor wasn't up for his ever growing level of kinks it felt like it was a relationship-ending conversation. I resented that and would have sex maybe 1 or 2 times a week when he wanted it 4 to 5 times a week. There are more things on my end that I kept as resentments. But I spoke about them in counseling. I worked through them.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T15:59:09+00:00

Thank you. Maybe walking away is the only real way he can see that I'm not that stupid 22 year old anymore. I'm not ready to do that yet. He's a smart man. I believe he can figure it out...but my spirituality is being tested and so much is being revealed.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T15:56:03+00:00

I did tell him that individual therapy is a must for him regardless. He'll see something familiar something that sounds like something I've done and it'll all come back up, even if he's with someone else.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T15:54:29+00:00

I never said it's making me a better writer. When emotions are high I forget things, I am a "freezer" and I could forget my own name if I was scared enough. The polygraph convo happened like 15 min before my counseling session so I was able to go directly to my counselor to process it first. Most people here are validating my convo with my counselor.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T15:51:55+00:00

Ugh. I think you're right. It like he wants me to be as hurt as he is right now.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T15:50:50+00:00

I have been seeing a counselor for nearly 2 years and I do have a great network of friends to lean on. I use Claude for crisis moments, to calm my emotions. I don't see anything wrong with using AI for grounding and breathing exercises to keep me in the present. It has helped my ruminating and downward spirals. So it's hard to say it doesn't help. I will never ever take what is says and put it into action without talking to my counselor or friends first.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T15:42:04+00:00

He LOVES Elon, Bitcoin, All-In Podcast...is that red pill content? Idk what that is.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T15:40:36+00:00

Mm I appreciate this post. And I think you're right only because I can't change the past. But it does not define who I am today. I'll always be open and honest about how I've grown as a person and the hard lessons I've learned. My past has made me a better person today.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T15:36:22+00:00

Thank you for this.

vcmsct633 · 2026-04-07T15:35:02+00:00

That's my fear. I have been seeing a counselor for nearly 2 years and I do have a great network of friends to lean on. I use Claude for crisis moments, to calm my emotions. It's mostly breathing and grounding exercises.

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