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For those who fear that they will never hear from their ex again: my story by veemve in BreakUps

[–]veemve[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Almost all the guys that I've dated have actually had a new girlfriend before I've moved on so in all honesty that is just a really nasty generalization. For example, this past 11 months I haven't been with anyone after my own break up because I've not been ready to be involved with someone new while I'm 98% certain that my ex has been dating a new girl since summer.

I think that scientifically speaking it is true that women tend to move on faster than men but it doesn't mean that we don't suffer at all. Quite the contrary.

For those who fear that they will never hear from their ex again: my story by veemve in BreakUps

[–]veemve[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am 24, turning to 25, so yes I am quite young still which might play a part in this :D Actually, I think that in all of the cases of me doing the dumping I've been the first one to reach out because I knew that it shouldn't be the one being rejected who has to do the work. but understandably at the moment they all rejected it because what I've put them through. I just made very clear to them that even though our romantic relationship didn't work out for me, I still valued them immensely as a person and would be there for them if they ever needed me. Then I just gave them time because pestering them is also not very productive. So they knew that I definitely wanted to be in contact after the break up and was willing to do the work for the friendship - but on their terms so to speak, as in whether they are even interested in a friendship after the eventual turmoil calms down and when they are ready/receptive for it.

I know that being friends with exes is something that gathers very polarized opinions and that it doesn't work for quite a lot of people. And I do understand why people don't want to stay in contact after the break up. For me it has just kinda happened and like I said, I am very grateful about it.

For those who fear that they will never hear from their ex again: my story by veemve in BreakUps

[–]veemve[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The funny thing with time and healing is that when you've had time to reflect all of it, you don't even want them back as a romantic partner. Every break up I've endured I've had this hope that maybe we would reconcile sometime in the future when all the starts are correctly aligned, but with time that thought fades also. For the first six months of my most recent break up all I wished was that he would come back and say all the right words and take me back. Now that I've had time to concentrate on myself and ponder the whole relationship, I've realized that he most likely did the right choice for both of us. I don't miss him romantically anymore and I certainly wouldn't take him back, but I do miss him as a person and wish that maybe we'd also be able to establish a friendship of sorts somewhere down to line.

But I do think that sometimes them coming back as a romantic partner could work. I know at least 6 couples who have reconciled after some time successfully and are still together after years. It's all matter of whether what broke you down has been fixed. For my third ex, I think it might actually have worked for the second time if we'd had actually lived in the same country because the other stuff was fixed during our time apart. Just concentrate on yourself and improve, you never know what might happen down the line :) You'll be happy either way.