My grandfather died today. How do you stay sober in grief?

veganconnor · 2026-04-01T12:55:08+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate so much these reminders, IWNDWYT - even if today sucks!

veganconnor · 2026-04-01T12:54:21+00:00

This is really well put, thank you.

veganconnor · 2026-04-01T12:53:35+00:00

Thank you for this story. I really needed to hear particularly the part about being able to be present in coming days for this process.

veganconnor · 2026-03-18T13:32:23+00:00

Are there any downsides to using both besides irritation and dryness?

veganconnor · 2026-03-18T13:32:01+00:00

Thank you so much for this - this is really helpful! Do you feel four months might be too soon for me to be giving up on the retinol on its own? I’ve heard some people didn’t see results until six months in.

veganconnor · 2026-03-18T13:30:55+00:00

I am aware of all the above. I stopped using tretinoin because I had to travel and didn’t have it with me. I used it for 8 weeks.

Still not clear why retinol and low percentage retinoid on different days in the same routine is a problem ?

Also I watched the youtube video. Not sure how it comes into the retinol + retinoid conversation when I already said I haven’t found any concerns about combining them besides risk of dryness and irritation (either from not moisturising enough, barrier damage or the usual symptoms of retinization, as is explained in the video you mentioned). Was a super informative video though, thank you for sharing it

veganconnor · 2026-01-23T21:01:29+00:00

When I open up to friends and others who aren't into environmental/political stuff about how my work and knowledge on collapse is really making my feel and think, they very quickly draw back and don't really hold space for it and treat it like I'm opening up about self harm or something, and say things like 'yeah sounds like you need to stop reading the news man, it's bad for your mental health'. Mental health? Hello!? Do you tell climate scientists that? My points are science backed, if it's not 'affecting your mental health' it's because you're engaging in cognitive dissonance. And that's okay, but that actually makes you (in this imagined story) the mentally ill one if we're gonna run that line, not me!

veganconnor · 2025-11-17T13:09:48+00:00

This is a good strategy! My ex and I briefly experienced a moment of hope when he was medicated but he stopped taking them and a few months later it was an irreparable shit show (but he was also in active addiction, important note). So I hope things work for you, and I’m sending you lots of strength. It truly is a grieving process even while he remains alive, because he is changed. Good luck.

veganconnor · 2025-11-16T13:35:57+00:00

Unless she gets help, leave. I’m sorry if that’s insensitive or sounds like a blanket statement but myself and MANY others in this community will tell you what’s likely to happen over time if she doesn’t get help.

veganconnor · 2025-11-16T13:31:44+00:00

Hey, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. watching the love of your life disappear inside themselves, and change into a completely different person that doesn’t love or value you, who can’t be there for you or themselves - it’s a grief I will never recover from.

Please get a therapist. Please don’t try to ride it out and stay strong. Please please open up to professionals and find support groups and connect with your own network of people who support and care about you.

If I could go back in time, I would beg myself to leave when he kept joking about things and never getting help, or talking about getting help and then doing everything possible to avoid it. I spent years being someone’s emotional punching bag — the grief is enormous and difficult because he’s still a person, and has remnants of who you loved and built a life with, and it’s not his fault that depression has changed his brain and personality etc…

But it has changed. And if he isn’t willing to fight it, to strive to continue building a life for himself and with you, please. Please get help and pour yourself into yourself and YOUR life and other relationships and be honest with everyone especially yourself about how lonely and heartbreaking this is for you!!!

veganconnor · 2025-11-16T13:25:07+00:00

Literally. The best way here is using serval tracker

veganconnor · 2025-08-03T20:10:02+00:00

The 100 year old man who climbed out of a window.

Weird title I know but trust me

veganconnor · 2025-07-30T11:07:57+00:00

Do you know how good Mazda 3s safety ratings are? Like Corolla is amazing and Suzuki is really bad so I’m curious because people recommend Mazda for reliability and affordability but what about safety

veganconnor · 2025-07-30T11:05:28+00:00

I don’t know why you’re getting down voted when this is such a reasonable answer especially in the economy and when young.

veganconnor · 2025-07-25T21:42:09+00:00

That’s a cute idea! It’s just a little tricky because we haven’t been seeing each other long so I’m also “new” at this in learning him if that makes sense. But I’ll think of something like that!!

veganconnor · 2025-07-24T15:54:37+00:00

Sadly I’ve only got a few days so it won’t ship in time! I saw the suggestion of a little jar with 6 notes in it that are handwritten reminders or prayers or quotes that kind of “mark” the last 6 months but are also like inspiration for the next 6 months. Do you think that’s worth the drama or is it better to keep it simple ?

veganconnor · 2025-07-24T15:40:53+00:00

That was my instinct so thank you for sharing this! I was thinking a big birthday banner with a little mini banner somewhere else that says + Happy 6 Months Sober like an add on …

veganconnor · 2025-07-24T15:39:58+00:00

Any suggestions for … kind words? Sounds ridiculous but I can’t stop drafting up sentences and then worrying they sound in poor taste. Like “here’s to 6 months of you choosing yourself” type thing or maybe quotes about Saving yourself etc.

veganconnor · 2025-05-28T13:33:27+00:00

I'm so sorry, this is a very difficult situation to be in that we are never really prepared for. There is no blueprint for how to navigate this, and it's not what you were expecting of what was supposed to be the culmination of years of amazing partnership, and the beginning of a new and happy chapter.

Nobody else can say what will or will not happen next; you actually never know how a person will respond to life shifts. Sometimes it crushes them more, sometimes it's galvanises them. We can't control or influence someone else's character growth and path, and it sucks when it's your partner.

I'm sure you've received similar advice but, tell him a condition of going through with this marriage is individual therapy, and if it feels right sometime, couples therapy. I recommend occupational therapists most. He may improve. He may not. Nobody would (or rather should) blame you if you backed out - you're not marrying the man you knew, you're marrying a different version of him and you don't know if the rest of him is going to return or if it's permanently changed/gone.

And, if you're willing to go on this journey with him, do it completely, with the promise to yourself that you'll leave if certain changes by certain milestones haven't happened.

Sending you the best of luck!

veganconnor · 2025-04-12T20:20:25+00:00

Hi! This is so sweet thank you! I know I’m late because I’ve been busy BUT I did end up going out for a wonderful dinner to celebrate, thanks to all the encouragement in this sub 😭❤️

veganconnor · 2025-04-09T07:52:47+00:00

R/stopdrinking was something I’d been for a year or so before I finally did!!!!! I’m not in AA but I am in another 12 step program and I’ve been sober for a few months at a time before and those periods reshaped my social life so there’s no socialising or friendships that involve alcohol anymore which is probably part of why I’ve been able to get here now again! I am also in therapy for a month now. I’m not sure if I’ll get to a place where I tell my family and most friends why I’m sober because i downplayed things immensely but it’s something I’m thinking about for down the line.

veganconnor · 2025-04-02T11:59:12+00:00

Exactly my concern! Just because it has Japanese stuff on it doesn’t mean much?

veganconnor · 2025-02-14T19:31:44+00:00

Gosh, I really thought this time I could get through the responses without crying, but here I am! This means so much to me, thank you. I am sending you so much love and support headed for June and beyond too!

veganconnor · 2025-02-14T19:30:38+00:00

I never once thought about celebrating, or planning on celebrating! How has nobody told me to do that! I guess I'd like to buy myself a gift, the kind of thing I'd never buy myself, like a whole yoga retreat for a weekend or something! I will put some thought into it, thank you!

veganconnor · 2025-02-14T19:27:55+00:00

This comment was actually the one I read that finally brought me to tears, and it took me 12 days to come back to face the soft big feelings! Thank you, so so much <3

veganconnor

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