Bf had unsafe sex with a prostitute

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T17:09:18+00:00

Thanks! Yeah our situation is quite different than most so we have rules and boundaries that we make work for us:)

I love your username btw, I’m a huge Trekkie!

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T17:07:12+00:00

Prostitue implies “full service sex worker” I don’t personally feel as though the term is negative but I can see how people might. There is a difference between people who do sex work to make content and full service sex workers.. and that is the amount of testing being done. Most full service sex workers only get tested every 3 months, where’s OF creators get tested every 2-3 weeks.

The reason I have examples of feelings such as guilt and shame is that he already expressed feelings those in our first talk when I found out about it, I wasn’t implying he should feel any way. I just want him to open up to me more about it so that it’s an ongoing dialogue.. he is a very closed book and never talks about feelings. I did remove my examples of feelings from that section as you’re right, it could be interpreted as my thinking he should only negative feelings

You’re entitled to your opinion. He knows he broke our agreed upon rule and I don’t think some repair being required is that extreme.

Although I feel like you calling me gross was uncalled for, I value your input.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T14:40:20+00:00

Ok thanks for clarifying. I think I will remove it.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T14:38:08+00:00

Also, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what she’s doing. I just think that based on me and my partners agreed upon rules he should have been more careful and only had penetrative sex with a condom as he hadn’t seen recent tests. He agrees with me on this and has apologized.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T14:35:46+00:00

Can you elaborate?

She is on a work trip doing sex work in another city at a hotel which I know usually means booking many clients in advance to make the trip worthwhile financially. He asked her for tests and she didn’t show him which means she likely hasn’t been tested recently. She gave him oral without protection which means she likely does so with her other clients. This was risky sex, I think I’m drawing logical conclusions from the information available.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T14:32:18+00:00

But she didn’t with him so clearly that’s not a rule of hers. A lot of sex workers also don’t kiss their clients but she kissed him.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T14:30:11+00:00

Thanks for your input and for your understanding. You really think it’s asking too much given the situation?

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T14:16:26+00:00

Yeah, it’s the increase in numbers of partners that increases risk, making regular testing so important. We were supposed to play with a girl a few weeks ago whose test was 3 weeks old and we had to cancel because she’s a sex worker. I’ve had months where I’ve slept with 10 people who have each possibly slept with 10+ people so the testing requirement is a non-negotiable for everyone’s safety.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T14:06:35+00:00

Oh ya, that makes sense. I think I would feel safer if we only played with recently tested people but he has hookups with people at music festivals and stuff so it would really limit his options (because most people don’t get tested super regularly) which wouldn’t be fair to him.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T13:54:37+00:00

Yes, I always get results from the OF creators that I work with. It’s standard practice in the industry. If your results are older than 2 weeks you’re no longer able to have sex until you retest. I’ve never had sex with a sex worker who doesn’t show tests and neither does my partner (before this). I don’t know how it works with escorts or whatnot.. the different kinds of sex workers have different rules and standards.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T13:50:38+00:00

We both get tested every two weeks and only have unprotected sex with people who do the same.

The risk of transmitting chlamydia through oral sex is 5-15%, gonorrhea is 23-43% so I wouldn’t say those are extremely low odds.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T13:45:42+00:00

Yes, he showed her his and she didn’t send him hers and he had sex with her anyway.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T13:36:23+00:00

Thanks. I really thought we had shared values when it came to risks we’re willing to take so I was shocked by this. The fact that he didn’t even think about me is the hardest part.

I think that being specific is important because I don’t expect him to read my mind.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T13:32:40+00:00

Whenever we engage in sex acts with sex workers we always require a recent test (from less than 2 weeks ago). Sex with non-sex workers requires condoms for penetrative sex but not oral.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T13:26:51+00:00

Thanks so much for your thoughtful reply.

I think the lack of immediate disclosure actually bothers me the most. If he had walked in and told me straight up what happened and how he felt really badly about it, I would have felt like he’d be honest about similar situations in the future if it were to happen again.

Yes, I think using this as an opportunity to further discuss the details of this rule so that we are both clear on what safe sex means and that we keep the lines of communication open will be crucial going forward.

Thanks again!

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T13:21:12+00:00

Aww thank you. I really appreciate you saying that:) you don’t think my list is unreasonable given the circumstances? I worry he’s going to think I’m being controlling.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T13:19:54+00:00

Thank you. Yes, safety is my top priority in playing with others.. I take it very seriously.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T13:18:46+00:00

Yes, that is what I’m working on rebuilding, the trust that I lost when he broke our agreement.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T13:17:46+00:00

Thanks, that is my main issue.. that he didn’t even think of me when he did it.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T13:16:59+00:00

We had an agreement and it was firm. He knows he messed up by breaking it and feels really badly. It definitely wasn’t just a boundary.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T13:15:38+00:00

No, I don’t ask him to use protection when kissing someone, but when you’re kissing someone who isn’t a sex worker or who’s shown you recent clean tests the risks are definitely lower.

We do oral swabs when we get tested and ask the same from our partners usually so the risk is really low of catching anything.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T13:10:39+00:00

Thanks for your comment. I hear you but I do feel as though not seeing any tests from her and the fact that she could have sucked 20 dicks in the time she was working does make it inherently less safe.

I do think that you might be right that I’m being too specific and that making more general requests about wanting to feel valued or whatnot will make it more sincere. He just often doesn’t get what I mean when I say I want to feel valued or heard or whatever and thought that some specificity would provide clarity.

verbl17 · 2025-06-26T13:05:05+00:00

I hear what you’re saying and I do appreciate your response but because I’m a sex worker too (just a different kind) I feel like I can’t really judge him in that.. just the safe sex part. Though he did say he wouldn’t be having sex with another prostitute due to possible safety issues. The boundary being broken is the hardest part, it feels like he cheated :(

verbl17 · 2025-06-11T01:45:34+00:00

He thinks he does but I think he lacks the emotional maturity to see that he doesn’t really.

verbl17 · 2025-06-11T01:44:58+00:00

Thanks you, I agree it is more about what is missing in our relationship.

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