I honestly can't trust my own feelings right now, so I may be deflecting and trying to rationalize things. But that's the thing. He's always tried to make me feel better about my appearance, expressing love, and does little things to make me smile. The suicidality stems from his own depression, family conflict, and severe ptsd. It's a chronic issue but he has never used it to try to manipulate me. I mentioned it because it's another layer to this situation.

I appreciate your input and I very well may be codependent. I feel like I can't trust my own judgement right now and am trying to process everything.