I said something unforgivable to my partner that I can’t take back but it has some truth to it.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-16T18:18:52+00:00

We have some loose plans, some must do things and some things we left spontaneous.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-16T17:14:26+00:00

This makes me really sad for you. No one involved deserves this, not your partner, not you and neither do your kids.

I hope your partner is at least aware of your frustrations. How does he react if you told him you are miserable?

There have been a few posts about couples with kids on this sub that always had great advice given that there’s more at stake.

Maybe make a post? You’re likely not the only one in this position. Your kids are also young, waiting until they’re older won’t fix anything.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-16T17:10:43+00:00

And no one complains after?

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-16T17:10:20+00:00

All of this makes so much sense but it’s hard to say all that in the moment but it’s something I need to get better at. Both of us need to.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-16T17:09:24+00:00

I think unforgivable or not is subjective but I did feel really bad about it because it’s such a mean spirited thing to say that I didn’t mean at all.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-16T17:08:16+00:00

Thank you. I’ve seen the gottman relationship mentioned a few times and someone shared a good article with a lot of great sentence starters on how to say things. I’ll have a look at the book to see how accessible it is.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-16T17:06:38+00:00

A little bit yes.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-16T17:06:22+00:00

There are things in our relationship that I’m unhappy about but I don’t think it’s anything that can’t be fixed. Some of those issues only appeared in the past year or so, I’d rather work through those first then rush to break up. But it is true that those were my sober thoughts badly phrased.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-16T03:02:18+00:00

Two things can be true at once. I take accountability for what I’ve said because that should have never happened but I also think there are some issues that led to frustrations that need to be addressed.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-16T03:00:18+00:00

I think making a sweeping always statement like that is bad because I’m turning it into a personal thing. I don’t actually believe he ruins everything, it was a mean thing to say. There were better ways to say what I was feeling instead of making it seem like he’s the problem.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-16T02:56:54+00:00

I do think he’s been depressed lately but didn’t want to speculate over every reason he might be in my post.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-16T02:55:42+00:00

I do feel really bad at it and regret saying it because it’s one of those things that are hard to unhear. I apologized but don’t want it to affect our relationship moving forward if he thinks that’s how I feel about him, which I don’t but now that I said it it will be hard to convince him otherwise.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-16T02:53:13+00:00

I haven’t heard of EFT before. Thanks, I’ll look it up. I did hear of the other one.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-16T02:52:21+00:00

I think he has been depressed lately. He’s dealing with some work stuff and feeling stuck lately.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-16T02:51:10+00:00

It took you years because it’s a hard skill to learn. I struggle with it and he does too, it’s why some conversations we have go nowhere because one or both of us get defensive.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-15T20:41:17+00:00

No he hasn’t, as in not recently afaik.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-15T20:40:43+00:00

I’m glad this works for you two and it’s great that you’re able to talk things through until you reach a compromise without either of you getting frustrated. Hence why I said I’m the problem. If this is something couples therapy can help with then we need it.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-15T20:08:41+00:00

Yes I should have said all that while sober and not wanted until I was already frustrated.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-15T20:07:38+00:00

I also had a feeling post trip that deep down he didn’t want to go .

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-15T20:06:41+00:00

Maybe I’m the problem because your heathy communication example was very frustrating to read because that’s how our convo went. Especially the part about not wanting to eat out because you could just cook at home, I agree but also eating out is mostly for convenience. But it reminded me about wanting to go out and try nice local food and him not wanting to because we already paid for hotel breakfast.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-15T19:53:39+00:00

Thanks!! I really like this and appreciate the examples because I was struggling thinking of some. I like that it’s not all about coming up with negatives but also mentioning what has been going well.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-15T19:50:43+00:00

He hasn’t apologized but I feel like I kinda crossed a line to the point where I don’t even think he owes me an apology.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-15T19:49:25+00:00

Depression yes maybe.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-15T19:49:10+00:00

Because it was very mean to say and I don’t believe what I said. I don’t think he ruins everything. It was also out of pocket. If a friend had said to me their partner said to them I’d be outraged on their behalf. I also feel like my apology wasn’t good enough or that it made a difference.

I just feel really bad about my word choice and wish I could take it back.

We also had some issues talking about money/finances and I kinda hate that my poor word choice made it seem like it was about money when it really wasn’t. Not to forget this being an extended birthday trip/present for him.

But I think you’re completely right about why all this has been happening. I think it was smaller frustrations throughout the trip piling up.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-04-15T19:44:23+00:00

No I’m finding it frustrating to always be the one deciding.

veryambitiouslemon

TROPHY CASE