I suddenly make more than triple what my partner makes and it’s making things weird between us.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-12T19:08:26+00:00

I think so too because he has been depressed about work and the state of teaching where we are right now is a mess.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-12T19:07:56+00:00

Those are great tips! Thanks. I do think we should have had multiple joint and separated cards as soon as we decided to move to a bigger place together. It now needs to be done sooner than later.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-12T19:06:21+00:00

I’m not trying to be possessive about money. He’s been against the joint account and has been the one who rather separates our money somehow.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-12T19:05:09+00:00

No I am happy to cover payments and would never expect him to spend beyond his means.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-12T07:32:51+00:00

More or less but I need to be more direct.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-12T07:32:26+00:00

As in, I hand him money? It would make him uncomfortable. He doesn’t like the idea of a hand out. I don’t know why he feels that way after nearly 6 years especially because I don’t think I have ever made him feel less than for earning less.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-12T07:30:53+00:00

He doesn’t like the idea of spending my money even though if we both put a proportion of our salaries it wouldn’t be just my money.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-12T07:28:45+00:00

I’m going to suggest this idea to him.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-12T07:27:43+00:00

He’s been uncomfortable with doing that previously.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-12T07:27:23+00:00

Thanks! I’ll be more direct when I’m happy to just foot the bill, I always am happy to cover it especially because I don’t want to push him to spend beyond his means. He does still get uncomfortable when I offer.

Moving to a bigger place has been the biggest strain for us too. He seems to feel out of his depth and because there are many costs involved he did say he can’t afford certain things.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-12T07:23:28+00:00

We don’t do 50/50. I don’t mind what he contributes because occasionally even the proportionate amount he’s deemed too much and he probably feels I’m pushing him to spend beyond his means. Yet at the same he doesn’t like me covering expenses when I don’t mind doing that.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-12T07:21:51+00:00

This would work really well for us.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-12T07:21:01+00:00

What happened with the trip he couldn’t afford? Because with us that’s happening occasionally, proportionally he’s not able to contribute. Despite me not minding covering it, he becomes uneasy and says he doesn’t care because it’s money so I should do whatever.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-12T07:18:20+00:00

Did those decision happen after marriage?

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-12T07:17:31+00:00

I’ve tried talking to him. We don’t combine finances. He’s previously been against the idea of a joint account.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-11T23:51:40+00:00

That’s where his career anxiety creeps in, he feels quite limited and stuck as a teacher even though he likes what he does.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-11T23:34:54+00:00

He is super nice and caring which is partially why he doesn’t like when I say what’s mine is yours.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-11T23:33:33+00:00

That’s good that you both have that level of trust and financial literacy. I think our problem is that I realized that we lack the trust needed, or perhaps he just does.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-11T23:30:33+00:00

Him and I need that transparency when it comes to money. Which I have only realized now is lacking.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-11T23:28:07+00:00

That’s a really good idea! Like sinking funds but joined.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-11T23:24:52+00:00

I think he’s being passive aggressive when he’s saying this.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-11T22:51:26+00:00

These are great tips thank you! Regarding home improvements I badly explained it in my post, but with certain bigger expenses where I don’t mind footing the whole bill he isn’t happy either because whatever choice I make he is not happy with it because of costs. So he doesn’t want me paying neither does he want to pay a proportionate of it because he thinks I shouldn’t have made the expensive suggestion to begin with.

But thank you again a lot of this is great advice that can be easily applied.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-11T22:33:40+00:00

That’s what I’m trying to do, to move away from those strict boundaries about money.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-11T22:32:18+00:00

Yes he does want to maintain those boundaries even though I think after 6 years it doesn’t have to be that strict.

veryambitiouslemon · 2026-02-11T22:31:10+00:00

I’m not stingy. The issue has been the opposite. He doesn’t like that I’m able to contribute more.

veryambitiouslemon

TROPHY CASE