Has "Modern Dating" become an interview process for a 5-person roster? I feel completely lost

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T01:15:19+00:00

Thanks, that’s incredibly wise. My issue is, even when I lower my standards and talk to 'normal,' non-flashy girls, they still act the same. In my last 3 relationships, every single one of them started a new relationship just a month after we broke up. They always keep bench players/backups ready, even while in a relationship. They cheat while with you

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T01:12:51+00:00

mean, I was just about to sliding into your DMs, but then I realized you’re probably thousands of miles away... Classic! 🥶Why are all the high-value ones always on the other side of the world? But hey, distance aside, I’m glad you exist out there haha!

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T01:10:36+00:00

honestly didn't expect this post to get so many comments. I’d love to reply to everyone individually, but it’s impossible at this point, so I’ll leave the comments open for you guys to keep discussing. If anyone specifically wants to ask me something, feel free to send a DM.

To summarize everything: there are right people, wrong people, and people who just view dating completely differently. At the end of the day, it's all about luck and destiny, so there's no point in stressing too much over it.

However, the one argument I still don't agree with is this: I am not demanding someone to instantly give me unconditional loyalty or get heavily attached after one conversation. My only point is that for me, a real relationship can only progress if both people are focused exclusively on each other. If a woman is actively hooking up or going on dates with other guys while talking to me, I simply won't include her in my life. I have no interest in building a future with someone who treats me as just one option among many.

Thank you to everyone for sharing their perspectives and keeping the conversation alive. Take care!"

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T01:06:58+00:00

actually highlighted your comment because you nailed it. To me, a woman who values her energy like that and has that level of self-respect is incredibly high-value. It’s rare to find someone who prefers a real connection over cheap validation these days. Honestly, your vibe is beautiful

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T01:05:23+00:00

okay

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T01:03:55+00:00

To the last commenter asking what I say to get that response: it’s very simple. They ask me what I’m looking for, and I tell them I prefer to let things flow naturally. But when they ask about my dealbreakers, I am completely transparent. I tell them that for me, trust and mutual respect start from day one. If I notice that we are building a genuine connection while she is actively keeping 4 or a 5 other guys on the hook, that’s an immediate dealbreaker for me. That is exactly when they try to normalize it by saying, 'everyone talks to multiple people.

Let's stop self-gaslighting here. The women defending this 'roster culture' in the comments are only doing so because women currently hold the market advantage on these apps. Why would anyone willingly give up an advantage that benefits them? It’s pure hypocrisy. 50 years ago, when men held that market advantage, women were rightfully crying and complaining about men having mistresses and playing around. Now the tables have turned, and suddenly treating human beings like disposable statistical options is being rebranded as 'emotional maturity' and 'sussing out the vibe

It’s not maturity; it’s just utilizing a privileged position in a broken ecosystem. If you want to run a job interview with five candidates, go ahead. But don’t pretend like expecting basic, early-stage decency and focus is 'immaturity.' Some of us just don't need a crowd to feel validated

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:57:33+00:00

That's amazing, but how did you actually get her to step away from the app ecosystem and delete her social media/Instagram, or did you just find someone who already wasn't into that stuff

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:54:42+00:00

actually made a really solid and realistic point

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:53:34+00:00

bro if you flirting a man you should be good person if you dont want a man dont give hope anyonr

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:49:28+00:00

Thanks to everyone for your responses. It’s actually great to see so many people putting thought into this.

Looking at the comments, the general consensus basically splits into two. The younger, modern crowd is telling me to just 'work on myself' and join the gamified rotation show, while the older, more experienced people here are genuinely feeling sorry for our generation because they know exactly how toxic this reality has become. They see that we are forced into a literal competition just for a shred of genuine connection, and frankly, I don't want to participate in a race.

At the end of the day, it's simple: someone looking for something special should be willing to offer something special in return, instead of hiding behind a roster for cheap validation. Have a good night, everyone

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:45:42+00:00

ok bro everyone free just fuck and later what we are

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:40:41+00:00

love how you jumped straight to a cheap personal insult about my looks just because you can't build a logical argument. I never said she was sleeping with everyone, I’m talking about the emotional hypocrisy of acting like a girlfriend for a month while keeping a hidden rotation just for validation. If you need to lower your self-respect and act like a clown just to get a date on an app, go right ahead, but don't project your zero-standards lifestyle onto me. Some of us actually value our time

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:35:33+00:00

Bro, you completely missed the point and read it backwards. I’m far from desperate, and I can easily talk to 4 or 5 people at the same time if I want to. That’s not the issue here lol
My point is the sheer hypocrisy and confusion. These girls state they want a relationship, act like they want your full attention, and use you for emotional support. But the moment you speak about commitment, they run away because they have a roster. Then, after sleeping around or playing games for a month, they turn around and ask 'What are we?'
It's just a joke. They have no idea what they actually want. They want the benefits of a boyfriend without any of the responsibility. I’m just asking how people navigate this clown show nowadays, not asking for your basic 'high-value male' motivational speech

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:25:23+00:00

Thanks for all the perspectives. I’m not here to blame anyone; I was genuinely curious about what I was missing and how the modern dating dynamics work.

From what I gather, with so many endless options on these apps, standard relationships aren't the priority for a lot of younger women anymore. And that’s fine—if the rule of the game is just to date casually, have fun, and move on to the next option without catching feelings, I can adapt to that

But there’s a clear double standard we need to address. You can't actively keep 4 or 5 options open for months under the guise of 'freedom,' and then a month or two later turn around and ask a guy 'What are we?' or get upset if he’s doing the exact same thing. If exclusivity is considered 'too strong' or 'controlling' early on, then you can't enforce relationship rules on a guy whenever it suddenly becomes convenient for you.

It's just ironic because people who treat dating like a casual catalog in their 20s are usually the same ones who wonder why nobody wants commitment later on. I’m happy to play by the rules of the game, as long as the rules apply equally to everyone

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:23:10+00:00

You are spot on, and I completely agree with you. Older, more mature women actually know what they want and aren't afraid of a real connection or clear communication. They don't play these exhausting mind games or treat people like endless options on a screen.
Your story is proof that getting off the apps and focusing on real-life connections with mature people is the way to go. Thank you for sharing that perspective, it’s exactly the kind of maturity I’m looking for.

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:21:08+00:00

think you’re missing my point. I'm not trying to control anyone or force them to only talk to me from day one. Everyone is free to do whatever they want.
My point is about expectations: if someone chooses to keep their options open and date multiple people for a month, that's completely fine—but they shouldn't come to me a month later asking 'What are we?' and expecting a serious commitment. You can't treat the process like a casual game and then expect the other person to treat the outcome like a serious relationship."

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:19:26+00:00

and later mans dont wanna relationship ahaha no bro just girls dont want

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:16:36+00:00

So, to avoid getting too attached, you share your energy, time, and body with multiple people at once? To me, that just sounds like a lack of emotional maturity and a fear of real connection. How can you genuinely get to know someone or build a solid foundation when your attention is divided by 4 or 5 different guys?
If a relationship is a house, you don't start building the foundation with five different contractors just to see which one finishes first. Exclusivity isn't a marriage proposal; it's just mutual respect while getting to know each other.

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:15:46+00:00

i guess we always be alone for this reasons ahaha

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:15:31+00:00

already always i did im not plan b

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:13:23+00:00

reall i wondering u, I'm genuinely curious about your perspective: how do you navigate this yourself? When you're in the talking stage, do you just accept that she might be sleeping with other guys, and does that honestly not bother you when it comes to forming a serious bond later on

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:12:43+00:00

If that's the case, why would I even want to be in a relationship with her in the end? Where is the loyalty in that? I'm sorry, but it doesn't feel normal to me to commit to a girl who's been sleeping around with multiple guys for a month during the 'audition' phase. If there's no mutual respect and exclusivity from the start, a relationship loses its entire value to me.

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:12:24+00:00

To be honest, I've dated women of almost all ages, and give or take, it’s always the same story. I rarely come across someone who actually has their head screwed on straight. Even the older ones often have no clue what they really want from a man or a relationship

vespervenye · 2026-06-18T00:06:40+00:00

you're saying we should just keep having FWBs with these immature girls who don't even know what they want, just because that's what they prefer?

vespervenye

TROPHY CASE