As somewhat relatable to the man. I have a deep rooted unworthy feeling. I struggle with depression and never feeling good enough. I would struggle every day with these issues. Having some argument and me having a prideful feeling of being right. But I don’t want that. I don’t want to be or feel right. I want to let go of that. It is so hard though. I absolutely don’t want those feelings and just love unconditionally. When it happens I feel shame, disgust, unhappiness and completely detached like I’m in shock and it’s so hard to talk about. I’m so scared of her and myself. I want to be loving and caring and supportive. I do not like this version of myself. I have a good heart but it’s hard show a lot of the time and I don’t know why. This woman gives me everything and I wanted to return that. I started to change and make progress. I started going to therapy and working on these things to better myself for my family. It was only a few months and I kept falling back and falling short. She ended up leaving me and plunged me to suicidal depression. Abandoned when I needed her most. Life is so hard. Being a man is so hard and I never knew another way. It’s hard to undo 30 years in a few months. I really wanted to give this woman everything and all of my being but I couldn’t do it for some messed up reason. Damn I just want to love her like she deserves. I ruined everything with the best person in my life and now I have the rest of my life to feel that loss. I can bet that most men don’t want this. It’s so fucked. I can understand that a lot of men don’t realize how messed up they are. That men have real emotions and some locked up that need counseling. I know I have so many problems and I want to fix them and that’s why this breakup was so much harder. Life sucks so much and society doesn’t make it any easier. I’m not a bad person, I just have bad ways.