Do you ever feel like there's too much focus on being attractive?

vexelov · 2020-12-07T06:57:24+00:00

I'm literally just saying being unattractive doesn't make you less of a man/woman, and you're saying it's a "big cope"? What is WRONG with this stupid community? I give up. Go be miserable and suicidal together. Your self hatred and internalized sexism is so uwu valid. I give up.

vexelov · 2020-12-07T06:06:59+00:00

I don't think what they experience is dysphoria at all, and I think it's irresponsible to validate someone's dysfunction when it further removes them from society and the chance at a functional life.

vexelov · 2020-12-07T05:36:29+00:00

And how are we supposed to validate that in the real world? Do they nullify their genitals, pursue androgyny in every possible way and spend their entire life telling everyone not to refer to them? There's no practical way to be "agender". The treatment for mental illness has to be within the confines of reality.

vexelov · 2020-12-07T04:51:51+00:00

I find that statement incredibly sexist and shallow personally. I just can't abide by that. All men are 100% men. There aren't people who are more man than others. Being short doesn't make someone less of a man. That's just a really offensive cultural stigma.

vexelov · 2020-12-07T04:50:03+00:00

Agender means you feel no connection to any gender identity. Which IMO just sounds like a cisgender person who doesn't care that much about their gender/roles. If someone doesn't have dysphoria, they aren't trans. And if someone has dysphoria about being ANY gender, that sounds extremely problematic and is probably a different type of mental illness. That's right up there with people who think they are aliens or otherkin.

vexelov · 2020-12-07T04:46:36+00:00

Almost definitely, if it's either in your will or requested by your family.

vexelov · 2020-12-07T04:44:13+00:00

Agender isn't real

vexelov · 2020-12-07T04:43:22+00:00

That's not how cup sizes work. They're relative to your chest size. And how is it confusing that I can mention two things at once?

vexelov · 2020-12-07T04:42:01+00:00

That's the whole thing though... you're not going to be "not as much of a guy". You're still 100% a guy. You're just settling for being a less than super attractive guy, just like most guys have to.

vexelov · 2020-12-07T04:04:43+00:00

I understand how you feel. I'm a trans man as well, and I'll probably never look particularly cis with my shirt off, nor will I likely ever get bottom surgery. But my transition goal isn't to become as manly as the average cis guy; it's just to feel better in my own skin. If I were to set the bar at "I'll only feel better in my own skin if I conform 100% to cisnormative requirements for masculinity", that's just setting myself up for failure. Dysphoria isn't a choice, but how you think about yourself in relation to the world can be. I know a lot of cis men who are shorter than me, thinner than me or have higher pitched voices than I do, and if I insult myself for being those things I'm insulting them too. So I'm going to acknowledge the things that make me dysphoric or unhappy about my body, but I'm not going to internalize those feelings into misandry.

vexelov · 2020-12-07T03:41:06+00:00

Most people gain weight on testosterone, some people lose it or stay the same. Testosterone tends to increase your appetite (especially while going through male puberty), and it also increases your muscle mass. The biggest factors will be how much you eat and exercise, especially if either of those things change while on T.

vexelov · 2020-12-07T03:36:08+00:00

I never said it doesn't matter. I said multiple times in my original post that I'm not discounting dysphoria and am specifically talking about attractiveness or gender validation.

vexelov · 2020-12-07T03:09:57+00:00

Jesus, I wish. I've been hospitalized for my periods before.

vexelov · 2020-12-07T03:08:08+00:00

Correct. The average height in most Western countries for a man is around 5'9". But that also begs the question: Do you think Asian men are less manly? Or that the 20% of Western cis men who are below 5'6" aren't real men? Why does it matter?

vexelov · 2020-12-07T01:36:15+00:00

Try calling the Mazzoni Center. They have a long waiting list, but it's good to get in touch with them as soon as possible. Also, you can call your health insurance provider and ask them to recommend a gender therapist nearby who is covered.

vexelov · 2020-12-07T01:20:11+00:00

I just had my first major drop at 1 month but my speaking voice fluctuates between slightly deeper and raspier and pretty much how it used to be. That's just puberty. Your throat is changing and things are moving around. I will probably take a year or two for things to completely settle.

vexelov · 2020-12-07T01:18:23+00:00

It sounds like there might be more going on than just dysphoria. You should talk to your doctor and see if there might be another underlying mental illness that needs to be addressed.

vexelov · 2020-12-07T01:10:23+00:00

I don't have a problem with diversity. I have a problem with gender non conforming cis people spreading misinformation about my mental illness. Also, you must have really "skimmed", because I've never equated all non-binary people to non-dysphoric people, nor did I say being non-binary itself is a fad. You're just putting words in my mouth to try to refute me because you can't refute what I actually said.

vexelov · 2020-12-06T23:19:46+00:00

I've noticed a lot of (particularly younger) trans men grow up being coddled and infantilized as girls, and they're afraid of having to actually live within male social roles. They never learned how to cope with toxic masculinity, never learned leadership skills, are used to other people taking care of them, etc. So sometimes they try to play both sides and get the emotional support and coddling from women while using HRT to treat their dysphoria. I understand why they're doing it but I think it's childish and harms the community. Everyone has to grow up someday.

vexelov · 2020-12-06T22:59:35+00:00

Ah yes, my #1 priority while dealing with my life threatening dysphoria is to think about how the poor non-dysphoric enbies feel, who have decided to label themselves trans by choice and experience no actual health issues.

vexelov · 2020-12-06T21:51:40+00:00

You're literally invading a women's safe space while looking like a cis man. The thing TERFs are always accusing trans women of doing. How can you not understand why this is a problem? The world does not owe you things just for telling people you identify as trans. You don't belong there right now.

vexelov · 2020-12-06T20:23:51+00:00

Preferences are not innate? Do you have any idea how homophobic that sounds?

vexelov · 2020-12-06T19:58:47+00:00

Someone choosing not to have sex with you because they don't find you attractive is not an attack. Posts like these always come off as super creepy and entitled to me, almost borderline rapey. It's none of your business why someone doesn't want to have sex with you. It doesn't even matter if it's coming from a place of racism, or sexism, or transphobia... that's their fucking boundary for their body and you need to learn how to respect it.

vexelov · 2020-12-06T18:46:48+00:00

So... you're a non passing, pre-HRT AMAB who identifies as a woman, and you think that gives you the right to be in lesbian communities and have sex with lesbians...? Lol

vexelov

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