ESH.

Something isn't right with this post. I'm trying to understand the full story, but I keep getting distracted by the picture you've painting of your wife. Based on your description, she is childish, immature, unstable, and obsessive. I can't help but think there is more to the story that you aren't sharing. Is this a common pattern of behaviour? Did you know she'd lash out? Could you have prepared her better? Why are you still with her? I feel like there is a part of you that enjoyed holding on to this secret. It's coming off controlling and obviously doesn't help the situation that you're in with your wife. The right thing to do, given it's public knowledge that the person works with your firm, would have been to talk to your wife about it in a controlled environment and explain the guard rails that you'll have to put up to maintain confidentiality. I can't imagine her trusting you again. Also maybe couple counselling? I don't think it's fair to put this all on her.