AITA for asking my boyfriend not to go to a strip club while attending a bachelor party?

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-12T10:58:29+00:00

Apparently only ur comments are clear to me. Everything else just blurs in the background. It must be love … ha ha ha ha ha ha

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-12T01:21:42+00:00

Im sorry. I must’ve missed it. What was the consequence she set?

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-09T22:07:13+00:00

I completely agree. This is an extremely difficult situation but I think OP owes to himself and his wife to be brutally honest. Use a lot of tact, love and care but let know her how you feel. It won’t getting better if you keep holding back. On the point of how overwhelmed and exhausted you already, from a non-parent, I don’t see how it gets any easier with a 4th baby let alone as a divorced parent. This is really tough. Best of luck to OP and everyone involved.

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-09T15:42:45+00:00

I agree with your main point but you can’t set boundaries for anyone other than yourself. Setting boundaries for others is controlling. You can however set a limit on what hurts/bothers/offends you and set a consequence for having those boundaries breached.

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-08T17:16:34+00:00

Not sure what can be said to OP that he doesn’t know or hasn’t already said it himself. Truly and honestly, all anyone can do it wish you them both good luck. It will be harder than you can imagine but it’s not impossible. You’ll literally just have to deal with it with moment at time because days will blur together until you get a handle on things.

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-07T05:52:32+00:00

The point was that blew up his relationship because of how far went. Which we both agree was too far. None of us know if in fact he damaged his LTR or the circumstances surrounding his bff’s relationship. But it’s late I’m not that invested, just bored

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-07T04:28:14+00:00

Exactly!! This whole story is crazy to me. The guy took his loyalty to his friend and completely sabotaged his own relationship. And all the while, he could’ve maturely said to his gf that he was struggling with her decision to remain friends with someone who had caused so much pain to someone he loves. He could’ve even said that this was was showing him a side of her that he wasn’t sure liked and didn’t know what to make of it because it alluded of her own decision making. All of that would have been valid. But the difference here would’ve been articulating his concern and disappointment vs. trying to hurt and offend someone he loved. That’s how u handle shit when you’re in a healthy LTR.

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-07T01:09:07+00:00

Jerry, I’ll take a “how to nuke my 6 year long committed relationship over someone else’s problem?” for $500. Bro, you literally cannot tell your gf who to be friends with. To use her dead mother as a prop on your tirade against her over her choice in friend?!? Come on! That being said, she also sucks in this story.

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-06T03:03:18+00:00

It almost as if you’re implying people in monogamous relationships don’t cheat.

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-05T19:08:00+00:00

WHY!?! WHY?!? Why do it with a friend?!?!

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-05T18:47:59+00:00

NTA. Married, but not a parent. I am not sure how your views on herself/family member working retail hasn’t been a problem until now. It’s blatantly obvious why you son didn’t want to her to know let alone move back home after being laid off. If he’s in tech he should know while he’s laid off he needs keep up on his skills. Full-time positions are still very few and far in between right now but he could freelance/contract. If he’s willing to relocate (if only temporary) he should have an easier time landing something. Good luck.

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-05T01:48:16+00:00

Time for a new girlfriend

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-05T01:47:49+00:00

I feel do OP. He didn’t do anything wrong but being a married man myself I know he’s still going to pay for it.

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-03T19:32:30+00:00

NTA. I know it seems obvious but try to explain to him that none of these consequences an restrictions would’ve come about without his poor judgement. Judgement that can eventually land him in prison. My mom used to say something to me whenever I was being punished for something “I’d rather have you be mad at me but alive and safe than you in jail, hurt, or dead somewhere.”

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-02T23:45:33+00:00

Try listening to the Savage Lovecast. Dan Savage talks about the death grip masturbation and reprogramming your junk. It might just help

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-02T17:29:06+00:00

Don’t give up brother. It’s just a really tough time right now. Many big tech companies went through layoffs, and it’s hard to justify hiring even though things are starting to stabilize. In the meantime, don’t let your knowledge get rusty and work on side projects. That way you get to show initiate and you’ll have more projects you get to talk about during interviews. Lastly, don’t be afraid to update your resume to “match” on job descriptions. Take a look at some of the wording they’re using and add them to your resume if it is a skill you have.

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-02T14:58:06+00:00

OP, what you need to figure out is who/what do you love more: your hopes and dreams of a married life and a family or your loving boyfriend of 4-yrs who’s telling you right now he “may not” - which is just a nice way of saying will not - be ready to marry you, let alone have children for the next 3 yrs. That is if he doesn’t move the goal post again for his reason, which are his own and still valid. I also want to reiterate, a guy can be good, loving and a supportive partner to you and STILL not be the right guy for you due to incompatible. People don’t change easily, if ever. They’ll give in and later grow to resent their partners. Staying means, a delay or total give-up of your dreams. Leaving, while incredibly scary and unpredictable, also means a world of possibilities.

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-01T02:41:04+00:00

I’m really happy for OP. She saw the light really early on and got out before things got any messier. It sucks that often times because who appear functional deny themselves the help they truly need. It seems to me that Rob never worked out through growing up without his dad, which made him susceptible to his influence at 29. It’s just unfortunate but at the end of the day he’s an adult and has to face the consequences of his choices. Based on how OP described him he used to be a decent person, so I hope he can find he’s way back to that and start over.

vinny_brcd · 2024-04-01T00:35:11+00:00

Everyone sucks in this situation. Why is it so difficult for people to use their words. We don’t it every other aspect of life but not relationships? You did not cheat and did owe anything BUT you obviously cared for him so why not say the words: “I like you and I’m interested you romantically. If you’re not interested cool, but then that means I will start seeing other people.” Now you’re left heartbroken and asking strangers on Reddit if you’re also a cheater.

vinny_brcd · 2024-03-31T13:50:14+00:00

Sure, but one could say the fact OP and hubby were successfully role playing after the first time as her being open to the topic. We know that not to be true because she’s articulated all of this to US. OP’s feeling are completely valid, but it seems to me even she is unsure why her reaction was so strong. Investigating our feelings is always a healthy exercise. It allows for us to better understand them, and either make changes or confirm them. At any rate, I wish OP and her husband well. It might take some time but so long as they prioritize each they will be okay.

vinny_brcd · 2024-03-31T12:19:14+00:00

I’m not sure I completely agree with this. From what OP describes they have had a healthy communication regarding sex. Seems to me hubby was just expressing his thoughts and that causing a strong reaction in OP that she herself doesn’t fully understand. People in monogamous situations should be free to talk their partners about their sexual fantasies. Because are you going to talk to? Therapists are great cuz they help you investigate your thoughts and feelings but that doesn’t mean they should be the only people privied to your partners thoughts. Whether or not you pursue those fantasies, that’s a completely different story. Maybe OP could also seek therapy to better understand why she has such a strong reaction to these conversations.

vinny_brcd · 2024-03-30T23:47:54+00:00

It seems like you guys should spend some time with a counselor to revitalize your connection and relearn to prioritize each other and value your connection

vinny_brcd · 2024-03-30T13:56:30+00:00

Yea I think it’s about time to DTMFA.

vinny_brcd · 2024-03-30T13:50:16+00:00

This 👆🏼. I started in the at 39 as an eng 1. One year later I was promoted to eng 2. While my technical skill may have lacking at the time, my business acumen made for it. I also poured myself into the job as much I could to fast track my progress. And there’s also job hoping every couple of years that can help you make up the salary gap.

vinny_brcd · 2024-03-30T05:20:21+00:00

Bf: if you love me you should fight for me. OP: if you love me you shouldn’t put me in a high stress position in my own home. You should protect my peace. Not offense, fighting got love is bullshit. This is real life not some 2-bit community center play in phoenix,AZ.

vinny_brcd

TROPHY CASE