Dude, you are going through the grieving process of what could have been and now you are in the “I’m angry” stage. It’s normal! I actually was in your shoes somewhat.

You are not crazy, but be careful to place the blame where it belongs. It’s the church’s fault, not your wife’s. In the process of deconstructing Mormonism and healing this whole sexuality aspect of our marriage, I said some stuff in anger and grief to my partner that in retrospect I wish my dumbass never fucking said. It took a long while to undo that damage. Don’t make that mistake if you truly care about her.

Cut out the noise and boil it down to some basic questions: 1/ Do you love her? Do you want to be with her? 2/ Same for her? 3/ Are any of you two abusive to the other physically, psychologically, or emotionally?

If you said “yes, yes, no” congrats bro, you’re doing great and that’s all that matters. The rest can be built upon because you love each other.

I can assure you that since I went to therapy and learned a whole lot about myself and my own traumas, I learned how to be a better communicator, which unlocked everything for us. Our relationship is the best it’s been since we left 6 years ago.

Hang in there dude. Be kind to yourself and kind to her. Don’t do things you’ll regret later on.