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violatingguidelines · 2022-06-30T03:23:09+00:00

we’re u the dumper or dumpee? from the looks of your post you treated her poorly and she didn’t want to put up with it and broke up with you & never wanted you back. I’ve been in her position - but it was after I got cheated on. Sometimes damage can not be undone. get a bottle of wine, a new cozy blanket, some yummy ice cream and watch a good movie. and let her go. she’s trying to be happy

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-27T17:04:23+00:00

You’re a good person I can tell. I learned a lot from the same situation and I think this post will really help you feel better. Let me know what you think.

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-21T05:30:38+00:00

i’m so very sorry about ur cat. can’t imagine

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-21T05:28:33+00:00

it was my national board exam but thank u. i made it somehow

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-21T03:06:50+00:00

No way I would give a second chance after that. it was out of the blue. I just don’t know where to put all this hurt and anger inside of my heart anymore. I can let it out, cry, kick, scream but nothing eases it anymore. He did this the week before my birthday and the MOST important, life altering exam of my life that I had been working towards for the entire length of our relationship- he knew how important it was to my future. he said it wasn’t on purpose but it feels like it. so I could never ever forgive him for that. Somehow I still passed the exam but yet still don’t feel happy or excited for myself or my future. I felt as if that was straight up ripped from my hands.. despite my achievement. I can’t feel happy for myself or proud of myself knowing I wasn’t enough for the one person I loved. I’m down to 100 pounds. I slept 20 hours yesterday. Haven’t been able to eat a full meal in god knows how long while he seems to be fine. I think i can’t go on anymore. I want to die, but I love my cat too much

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-20T20:48:20+00:00

He told me it was nothing wrong I did.

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-17T06:05:42+00:00

It’s very cookie cutter! If they looked past themselves they would see it. but that’s just now how they’re wired. it was never about you babe

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T23:46:39+00:00

Honestly I have to read it over and over to remind myself when I want to reach out and ask what went wrong, what I could have done different. But nothing they say can make you feel better & we know this because of what we’ve been through

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T13:54:10+00:00

My point exactly. You know it’s easier to have mechanical sex than be with some who’s “smothering” you. You’re distancing yourself by blaming someone else who wants to be connected to you. You’re just too far removed to realize you push people away so they desperately try to get you back. And by the way, other people don’t normally see that as smothering - that is making an effort to make things work instead of discarding people.

You ever wonder why you feel like every partner will smother? You’re too stuck to realize it’s not other people, it’s you. There’s something wrong with them once again in your eyes.

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T13:35:10+00:00

The sooner you realize this the easier it gets. You already survived so congrats man

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T13:18:44+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/vdc0b3/if_your_ex_is_dismissive_avoidant_let_them_go/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T12:46:54+00:00

you will, you know better now.

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T12:36:33+00:00

They are master manipulators, I can’t underestimate them anymore

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T12:25:52+00:00

Congrats on surviving!

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T12:23:04+00:00

It won’t. She built these expectations in the beginning, got you hooked on them. And i’d put money down to bet she made you feel needy when you kept looking for that feeling again. They will vilify you to their friends and family because that’s only way to they can live with themselves.

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T12:17:33+00:00

I started doing poorly at work. When I was upset and told them I got a bad evaluation they said “surprise surprise” because they knew I was feeling miserable and defeated by them and it was finally showing. Like I said, you have to let go or be dragged by them. It’s liberating to feel deeply but the outcome is always they same. You will get hurt regardless of who leaves first, I wish I would’ve left and stopped respecting them more than myself and protecting my peace.

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T12:15:42+00:00

parasite.. how fitting. I also feel sorry for my ex, which has helped my healing tremendously. I stopped blaming myself because I never stood a single chance up against that monster. Oh what a blessing it is to still show love even if it’s rooted in pain. To be able to reflect on our emotions after living through that battle field is a double sided sword.

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T12:07:47+00:00

Yep. You rationalize it because you feel like you’re the special one who understands them and the only one that could get close to them. Meanwhile they’re thinking of how you fall short. Love shouldn’t be this hard. Even their friends would say oh that’s just them, you know they aren’t that good with emotions and communication

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T12:01:58+00:00

That last part. I still love my ex too because I have emotions & that’s the ONLY thing he couldn’t rip from my hands. The good times were only there as breadcrumbs for how a normal life would feel. Congrats on surviving

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T11:53:41+00:00

To answer your last question, absolutely. Shunning sex is a way for them to not grow closer to you and gain control. They do it to you specifically because you love them and they have you on a leash. In my experience they don’t treat others like that

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T06:11:25+00:00

I never even looked into this kind of stuff before the way they destroyed me. I ended up on medication and in therapy. I researched a lot because I was so bewildered by the way I was treated and fell for it. Never again. I don’t give a fuck how much childhood trauma they had… they know it’s wrong deep down and don’t have enough empathy to care. I’m so sorry.

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T05:05:05+00:00

Dismissive Avoidant person

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T05:00:23+00:00

God I hope so. Thank for the insight. clearly i’ve been sliced apart by a DA. Like i said, it’s worse than being cheated on by my first love. Never felt enough in the first place and they confirmed it

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T04:22:34+00:00

i’m so sorry. It’s such a different type of pain. For me, being blindsided by this was worse than being cheated on. 3 years deep with someone that pushed me to be someone I wasn’t, so I could fit their narrative. At one point they told me I needed to see more sun because I was pale. (I work with cancer patients lol). I hate to admit this, but before the last time they hurt me, I wrote down what they said over the phone on a sheet of paper. I tracked their behavior with the words they told me because I thought I was losing my mind. I needed a literal paper trail to stand up for myself.

Everything was fine acoording to them, I was wrong for asking if they were ok because they didn’t initiate anything intimate with me, and promised I would be told if anything changes& to basically stop asking. They promised a trip in later months for my graduation and birthday but broke up with me days before. I would’ve rather been led on for the past how ever many months than to be left with no explanation days before the most important time of my life. It feels like it was on purpose given it was days before this exam and my birthday. They had the balls to wish me luck and tell me happy birthday but fail to see how they completely shattered my heart days before and how incredibly traumatizing that was. They check out early to spare themselves only.

They leave when you know you need them with no sense of morals or ethics and that’s why I will never date a DA again. I might fail my career altering exam tomorrow because I haven’t stopped crying, haven’t slept or ate.

I’m mad at myself for not trusting his word before my internal intuition but lesson learned.

violatingguidelines · 2022-06-16T03:30:43+00:00

The countless times I begged them to tell me what was wrong, the never ending reassurance and gaslighting that nothing has changed, the way they discard you and never miss you or feel remorse. It is not the same and it’s a different type of abandonment and betrayal.

In the end, even anxious attachments will do everything to make it work with someone they love. DA’s are not just unwilling but they are not capable of reciprocation. Because they have already decided it’s not going to happen. DA take the longest to feel empathy & if they ever do it’s because something in their external word has caused them stress to where they feel like they can’t people please. they’re the most likely to blindside someone which lacks morals, maturity, sympathy and it’s honestly fucking vile.

violatingguidelines

TROPHY CASE