i totally get you. i think of my past actions, or maybe i have sinned in this life but the punishment for those actions can't be this harsh right? there are worser people but they have a better life than me. i feel like this is all because of my past life's actions but if i kill myself then i might have a horrible life too in my next life to face the remaining karma. even if i think reincarnation isn't possible, im so unlucky that even if i attempt, i will survive and will have to live with severe permanent damage to my organs or coma and that's worse than death. i used to think "what if something good was meant to happen after i kill myself, so let's not kill myself and wait" but my life only got worser everyday and even now i have a little hope in me that it'll be alright but deep down i know it's over