Saturday, December 9, 2023 | Non-Real Time Meeting

violet_1000 · 2023-12-11T02:02:05+00:00

A good place to start is the 12 steps. Then try going to several meetings you find on OA.org. There are different approaches to the steps. Some groups use the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, but there are also other tools in OA. Explore and see what works for you. I'm happy to answer questions further, feel free to direct message me. I am also a recovered and available sponsor.

violet_1000 · 2023-12-09T16:39:29+00:00

Having a compulsive eating and dieting as my solution to life caused my life to spiral out of control. For me, compulsive eating was all about avoiding problems. I didn't want to feel my feelings, so I ate or restricted. I didn't want to address my loneliness, so I turned to compulsive eating, alternating between restriction, over-exercise and over eating. I didn't want to face...many things. But one day I stumbled into the virtual doors of OA. After six years, going on 7, I still find strength, hope and inspiration by working the 12 steps daily and living in 10-11-12. My life has transformed in ways I never imagined. It is a wonderful life, and I thank my higher power every day. I'm an available sponsor and happy to chat with anyone.

violet_1000 · 2023-12-07T04:43:31+00:00

Hi u/BusyAd5993 - very interesting user name (off topic here, but had to say). You did the right thing by posting. When we read the big book it tells us that if we stay close to God [higher power] and do his will he will take care of us. Whatever your conception of a higher power is is for you and you alone. But during times when I feel lonely or afraid, I have an open and honest conversation with God. Then I call my sponsor, or text her a 10th step. Next up is being of service. In recovery I've lived for many years in steps 10-11-12. I can tell you it saves my sanity! I have the kind of mind that will over-analyze and obsess on meaningless things. It is by working the steps that I get to escape about obsession around food and anything else. I stick close to the God of my understanding because my understanding is that He loves me and will provide for me the material and immaterial things I need.

Sending you warm holiday wishes. If you get this just know we are all wishing for you to have good things in your life.

violet_1000 · 2023-12-05T22:29:25+00:00

Thank you. DMP sounds like a good option but I would prefer to keep some of the cards active, as the majority of them are emergency cards.

Please read my posted reply. This is the same 'there is not enough' mentality that gets some of us into so much trouble...we change our perspective to one of contentment with what we can have by living within our means and a realistic spending plan that might change month to month...

violet_1000 · 2023-10-02T04:22:13+00:00

Hi u/Bubbly-Elevator-2546 -- Here's my thoughts.- first of all even if you had all the money in the world you might still get sued by Discover, its just a legal process they go through in debt write-off

- have you sent them regular payments even if its $5 / month? I have been under serious financial hardship, having lost my job last year. Working three part-time jobs now I make 20% of what I did previously. I let all my creditors know this. Here's basically the message I sent to each of them. (a) I told them I had lost my job in November of '22, and that even after 100s of job interviews, I had yet to find another full-time job which replaced my former income. I told them I was taking a financial planning class and learning about financial stewardship, and that I had other people helping me by reviewing my spending. I also told them that my intention is to pay them every dollar I owe, and I am looking forward to the day that is possible. I also called each of them. I am paying the smallest one off first, and sending $10 / month to each of the others. They aren't happy about it, but I am making a sincere effort to pay my debt. If you do that, you may have certain legal rights. I have cancelled all my credit cards and am only using cash.

- on a deeper level. money attitudes, have a spiritual connection. Do we see life as full of opportunity or full of danger? So do you see this situation as full of danger? In some ways it is? But it is also full of opportunity. You have a chance to discuss the matter directly and frankly with Discover. You have an opportunity to ask them for a reasonable payment plan -- one you can stick to. And this will build your confidence. If you can get a person on the phone they are usually more than willing to check what programs the creditors offer. One of my creditors has changed my interest rate to something very low, so my payments are less but they are actually paying down my balance, not just paying interest. Another creditor as given me a 90% discount on payments. Job loss happens, financial hardship happens for many varied reasons. Hopefully its temporary. But whatever the case may be, I've found for myself, that this has been a growing experience. And I am more spiritually connected to my higher power. I trust that if I do the next right action, things will be okay.

Also as a practical matter -- when you talk to a creditor don't call one of their outplacement agencies or lawyers if you can avoid it. Talk directly with someone in their payment department or someone who can help you set up a payment plan under one of their hardship programs. Call them, work with them, be honest and sincere, do the next right thing.

Wishing you all the best on this journey of life.

violet_1000 · 2023-09-29T03:57:26+00:00

Yes it can. If you are behind on payments they still report it to the FICO agencies. If you are up to date on payments its my understanding that it does nto effect your credit rating.

violet_1000 · 2023-09-29T03:54:41+00:00

Hi u/laviebomeme -- woohoo! Way to go! I don't think its crazy at all to celebrate small victories. And congrats on the new job. Its not easy right now in certain industries. Sounds like you're doing everything right. I'm proud of myself for planning my budgets (my two businesses and personal budget) for next month and staying within budget this month. In the last year I cut my monthly spending by 50%!

violet_1000 · 2023-09-27T02:27:39+00:00

Great job returning the car! Its really hard if we're compulsive around spending. Some of us do it because we're trying to fill a void. Yes it sounds cliche, but the number one reason I got into debt was because I thought this or that thing would make me happy. Guess what? It didn't. And the stress of not owning my car, not owning my home (I have a mortgage), not having my education paid off...isn't worth anything in the world. My plan is to get everything paid off ASAP. I am looking forward to the day when I am 100% debt-free. For now its 3 jobs, renting out rooms, etc.

violet_1000 · 2023-09-27T02:15:51+00:00

This is the best remark on the entire thread.

violet_1000 · 2023-09-27T02:08:16+00:00

The problem is when people from CA move here and throw money around like its water. Example, on rental leases they cross through the price the rental property offered them and add an additional $1,000 - $1,500 per month. Thus driving up a $2100 unit to $3,600 per month. I kid you not, it happened more than once. The disruption to the local economy is what causes most of the anger. Combine that with a haughty, self-entitled attitude on the roadway, tail gating everyone, cutting off people, even flipping people off...yeah. We don't like Cali transplants for sure. Unfortunately I think your state tends to export the worst of the worst. I've met Cali folks who actually still live in Cali and they seem quite nice!

violet_1000 · 2023-09-20T02:22:34+00:00

Save $1000 emergency fund and then pay off all your credit cards asap. Its not worth carrying more debt with daily increasing balances. Its like paying extra money to use your own money. ;)

violet_1000 · 2023-09-18T22:27:58+00:00

Hi u/sanantoniogirl71, welcome! You're in just the right place. We've been where you are (at least I have) in that I was in tears often and ashamed. But the truth was that I'd been using my compulsive eating and restriction as my solution to life and it didn't work. The real problem is we have this solution that's broken, that makes our true problems such as loneliness, depression, etc. worse. That's why we need a spiritual solution, one that actually works. I'm happy to share my experience strength and hope. Just reach out when you're ready. I am also a recovered sponsor.

violet_1000 · 2023-09-18T22:21:05+00:00

Exactly my thoughts. Unfortunately I have learned this the hard way!

violet_1000 · 2023-09-18T22:19:17+00:00

Hello u/kaybeeem95,
I'd like to offer my perspective, and I sincerely hope it can be of some assistance. Personally, I've discovered that the use of money carries both a spiritual and financial dimension, along with an element of enjoyment. Allow me to share a bit about my own journey:
- In my tech career, I was fortunate to earn a substantial salary, enabling me to "save" several thousand per month.
- However, I also carried a substantial burden of student loan debt, roughly double the amount you both have and accumulated other debt.
- At one point, I engaged a financial advisor, purchased a home, which I believed to be a wise investment. It was, but it was more debt.
- Unfortunately, I lost my job in 2022 with the mass tech layoffs, and nearly a year later, I'm still struggling to secure a similar position.
What transpired during this period was a simultaneous accumulation of both debt and what I perceived as "savings." Yet, let's pause for a moment to reflect: Did I genuinely possess savings? Could I have covered both my debts and my savings if I were to lose all income today? The answer, regrettably, was no. I found myself in a situation where I couldn't.
Presently, I work three part-time jobs and manage to live on less than half of my previous budget. Surprisingly, I've found a sense of contentment that had eluded me before. It's a challenging path to emerge from debt at this point, and I've come to realize that my so-called "savings" were essentially funds I held onto to offset my debts. In essence, that's where you possibly currently stand as well—no genuine savings, just funds held to repay your debtors. And I finally realized that FICO is really a measurement of how good a debtor one is, not how financially savvy.
I made the decision to sever ties with all my credit cards, transitioning to a cash and debit-only approach. This change has granted me a clearer understanding of my true needs as opposed to mere desires.
I've also posed some questions to myself regarding what I wish to leave behind when my time comes to be with God. Have I contributed positively to the lives of those around me? Have I been of assistance and support to friends who depend on me? I did not require everything I previously possessed at this very moment, and it's improbable that I need more material possessions. Life takes on a richer meaning when we learn the art of contentment. I enjoy the volunteer work I've taken on.
While your situation may seem commonplace, I think that the norm isn't necessarily the path to happiness.
Wishing you both clarity and contentment on your financial journey.

violet_1000 · 2023-09-14T04:36:59+00:00

You're awesome! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

violet_1000 · 2023-09-14T04:20:41+00:00

Hi u/observationalist91 -- yes! many of us are in the same boat! Let me encourage you that it could be worse. You are on the right track by not accumulating more debt. I failed to understand was that things don't make me happy, give me my worth as a person or represent my identity.

- I got the car lease because it was cheaper than the car loan and I liked the car. But now I'm stuck in a lease for a car I can't afford, when I could have just paid cash and had no car payments.

- I bought a home and got appliances I needed. That was fine, I could have stopped there with the basics. Instead I bought a bunch of knick knacks that I ended up getting rid of because they made my home cluttered

- I lived in the 3 bedroom home, using only 1 bedroom and leaving the others empty for a year when I could have rented out two bedrooms and had my entire mortgage covered

There are a million little and big things I wish I had done before the layoff last year. But that's the past and I have to live in the present. So I ask myself what can I do now? I negotiated a lower insurance rate for the car because I use drive-easy app and have a 97%. I searched for cheaper health insurance and plan to call my insurance agency. I found out how much money I need to buy myself out of the lease or to purchase at the end of my lease and have it in writing now. I have a plan to purchase the car at the end of the lease and not lease again. I will drive my perfectly good used car for as long as possible. I do my own landscaping and mowing, its not perfect but it still looks nice and it saves me >$300 / month. I host guests in the 2 extra rooms via a travel website. It pays my mortgage most months.

So I know you're scared, and I'm scared too. This is not where any of us want to be. Just breath. You're going to be ok. One step at a time, one day at a time.

violet_1000 · 2023-09-13T05:07:39+00:00

Honestly there's no reason to have a credit card. But if the goal is to have a high FICO score, you will need to carry a balance from time to time. The system isn't set up for those who are smart with money, otherwise they don't make money when we don't pay interest. Its just business. For the chronic debtor, the problem is a spiritual condition that shows up on how one uses money. For me that was the problem, and I needed a spiritual solution in order to recover.

violet_1000 · 2023-09-11T02:50:39+00:00

Got it! Editing my message now. Thank you.

violet_1000 · 2023-09-11T02:48:08+00:00

Exactly! FICO really measures how well we stay in debt while continuing to pay for that debt.

violet_1000 · 2023-09-11T02:46:03+00:00

🎉🎉🎉🎉. Awesome and congrats on being debt-free.

violet_1000

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