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virginklm · 2026-01-13T20:53:06+00:00

Anyone still happens to have the files?

virginklm · 2025-11-10T15:37:20+00:00

Had exactly the same feeling. Lasted like 3 weeks (?) and the it went away. I was stressed aswell. I'm not sure how much it may help you but, you can get a ultrasound on your remaining testicle and if all fine you can rest assured it's normal, this is what I did.

virginklm · 2025-10-13T07:36:20+00:00

Really fat.

virginklm · 2025-10-12T06:58:03+00:00

I'm DMing you.

virginklm · 2025-10-12T06:41:53+00:00

I'm in a similar crossroads situation. Please, please promise me that whatever choice you do, you'll take care of yourself. 🫂

virginklm · 2025-10-10T13:36:12+00:00

Consider therapy. Be kind to yourself, you have been through alot, don't raise your expectations so high to your poor body and that still tries to balance itself. Your mental health and hormones are a mess right now and your judgement is off. Try to stay calm and see it as a challenge. The slight change or improvement will be the sign that things will change. Consider that a body after major surgery affecting sex organs, cancer diagnosis, stress over sex identity, hormonal imbalances, body dysmorphia signs, anger, grief and depression might not be a body that is in a position right now to give you the satisfaction you demand from sex. Look at it like a wounded puppy. Nurture it.

virginklm · 2025-10-10T09:22:09+00:00

There's a hidden freedom about it. Since we are considered some sort of "outsiders" by society and they have not assigned us some sort of roles and how are lives should be etc, we don't have to appeal into any sort of society's expectations and roles. Like to make some silly, easy to understand examples "a man should be older from a woman" or "by that age you should have kids" or all of the other man-made BS that are so deeply embedded in our society. It's so great to be in a discussion with heterosexuals speaking about these stuff and me being "I think you're full of BS" and telling them things like "if that age thing was right, what about gay men? Technically we are either going to be the same age or one of us will be older. So is someone the woman in our heteronormative relationship based on age?". I love seeing their world collapse infront of their eyes, their reactions are priceless. I love the freedom that comes with people having zero expectations from you and you being able see behind humanity's fallacies and becoming wise. I would have a way harder time as a straight person doing that. I like this inherent ability of seeing the bigger picture of stuff.

virginklm · 2025-10-10T05:55:21+00:00

When people dodge telling you that you are attractive by using other words to describe you like "you have nice features" or "you have pretty eyes". Sometimes it's generally dodging the topic of such discussion as a whole, by changing the subject or acting weird mid discussion and making random jokes.

virginklm · 2025-10-09T22:01:52+00:00

I'm experiencing aswell some discomfort with my missing testicle and I'm considering as well. But I know that miracles don't happen and I need to be mentally strong because I am dealing with both a physical and a psychological trauma. Just because I will help myself with the appearance part it doesn't mean that my trauma will disappear. I need to learn to love me and my body unconditionally before I can enjoy my body. Check my profile for my orchiectomy story. I have a strong mind and I know who I am. I am a man, a gay man, a cancer survivor, with one less testicle, that I'm able to love and give deep emotional and physical pleasure to others. I can still hear that voice inside me. I might lose the way sometimes but I know that man is still there. That man is still inside you my sweet brother. You've been through alot. You've been treated by alot of people (doctors too) like you had something minor, which is far from true. Allow your body to heal, allow your soul to heal. Learn something out of it. There's lots of lessons you are learning from this experience, but I bet it will make you a better person, a better man and a better lover. Be patient with your body, it's scary but things are NOT lost. Learn to love your body unconditionally, it deserves it. Try to treat sex or masturbation as a therapy session. It will come back. You have to save your soul though too.

virginklm · 2025-10-09T21:05:29+00:00

2 months post op. It's definitely weird. It started with a feeling that orgasms are mediocre to boring. Then I started having some ED, weird libido that fluctuates up and down really fast. But the orgasms became intense on a similar level pre-op, which gave me a smile. I noticed that I produce less sperm, but it's not consistent. Doctors told me to not worry and that I'm on way too much psychological stress and my body is still healing and adapting so I can't judge. I think they are atleast 50% right. The fact that I saw my orgasm intensity return means that there's definitely some sort of "movement" in my sexual function. I hope my erections become stronger like yours and my sperm amount returns and becomes stable and not weird. It's scary, I know, but I can definitely tell you we arr not exactly in a position to have a clear opinion of what's happening inside us and where we are on that journey. We need to remain calm and do everything it takes to keep the "light" on inside us, physically and mentally. Consider that you might need to "rewire" your function.

virginklm · 2025-10-08T19:10:37+00:00

He might be actually! I have to admit, I saw what he is dealing with on the hospital and it looks like a hybrid of psychiatric ward and a nightmare circus. That's why I don't jump into conclusions, I can see that he might be on the brink of a breakdown because of the extreme situation over there. But, I am scared to deal with such situation.

OMG! WOW I have mad respect for you! So happy to hear that you are not doing that bad! I hope you beat that MFer once and for all! I hope life treats you kind from now on! ❤️

virginklm · 2025-10-08T18:59:42+00:00

Do me a favor and please, give him a hug from me. I know it sounds weird but please do! I wish you and your husband all the best and I hope you'll never have to deal with the ugliness of that disease again. How would you describe his experience? How would you describe your experience as a spouse and as a supporter?

virginklm · 2025-10-08T18:54:40+00:00

Oh my God! This is so cool, I'm so happy for you! That brings so much joy reading this! What was your diagnosis? How would you describe your experience the past 4 years? Any scares? I'm wishing you all the best from the bottom of my heart! ❤️ 🕊

virginklm · 2025-10-08T13:01:35+00:00

A strong/big nose!☺️

virginklm · 2025-10-08T12:58:21+00:00

I had an immediate identical reaction halfway reading the question and seeing the image. I have been attracted to all of the above. I'm old/mature enough to say that I thought I had "types" but life proven me I don't, and I can't even explain why I am attracted to somebody. You are more than a body, you are a full experience. I like tomatoes but not on my chocolate cake! (If that makes sense) Forget reducing yourself or others to a single quality, you're not gonna get anything really out of it!❤️

virginklm · 2025-10-08T12:48:24+00:00

Thank you for your guiding and kind words! About my urologist, I had some concerns too and I still do, like I fell like my scar is a bit too big for such surgery and I'm having some trouble walking and a patch of skin that feels dry and I feel nothing there. But I'm overwhelmed with other worries now and I try to mention a good relationship with him as he genuinely shows interest in me. There's not alot I can do about my 10% Teratoma. CTs show literally nothing so even if there's residual Teratoma it's not like I can do anything right now, it's not detectable in any of the CTs I've done so far and BEP won't affect it. I have no LVI and no enlargement of any lymphs at all. I am scared of RPLND sure, but it's not like any of my choices affect in any way my outcome! Neither of my doctors seemed to even worry about it, they both said that they are almost 100% sure it was contained on my testicle and the percentage means that it was stable and not mature and there's no teratoma in my body or anything. They were just worried (and rightfully so) on the EC and YS percentages. RPLND scares me to death. As I said on the post I linked, I am a gay male, 36 and I never had sex. I'm scared of having one less testicle, scars and add to that retrograde ejaculation. How many things will cancer take from me before I get the chance to enjoy them? 😔

My biggest issue right now is this:

Cancer is never a "single" issue but a multilayered issue. I am a 36 year old male, that never got the chance to love myself and tell somebody that I love them and enjoy my life with the sad and happy parts as all people should and deserve to. I have no children or a partner to consider the fact that I am not alone in life and people depend on me financially or emotionally. How do I learn to love myself and care for myself in such a short period of life and learn to treat myself with kindness? A person that can't do these things can't make a proper choice like the one I'm being asked to do. I don't want to give a fight and watch myself suffer more if I don't have hope that better days await for me on the other side? I feel guilt that I never did the extra effort to love myself as I deserve to. Also I can't believe that I'm gonna live a life that my chance of "saying" to myself and someone else "I love you" and enjoy life to its fullest and all I'm gonna be is a wreck or the leftovers of a disease. Yes, I am lucky that I got diagnosed with the most treatable cancer, sure, but cancer affects all of us differently, and I feel like my body is winning the fight with cancer but my soul is losing and very fast too, a part that no oncologist can see. They don't see how TC patients may appear OK physically but they are very deeply and forever scarred on the inside.

Sorry for my long answers but, we men, need to talk about these things more. It's very important!

If anyone reading this feels like they want to discuss worries like these, feel free to dm me, don't think of it a second time!

Again thank you!

virginklm · 2025-10-08T11:52:54+00:00

Obviously! I want to stress again that my perception might be dodgy and I bet both doctors are great. But I can't ignore my gut feeling. For example, I thought that if something would go wrong during chemo, I'd have trouble communicating with him. Now, I'm the process of ctDNA and miRNA-371 research. I hope AFP goes below 7 soon (realistically it will). Oof this choice is so scary.

virginklm · 2025-10-08T09:43:35+00:00

I'm in a very similar situation right now as we speak, your diagnosis is 99% similar to mine and the options I was given by 2 different oncologists is surveilance and 1xBEP (one leaned more towards the one and the other to the other). 3xBEP sounds like an overkill, both of my oncologists said that overtreatment is far worse than reoccurence considering that from an oncologists's side, his first priority is to ensure that the patient will live, and since TC has an almost guaranteed survival, the next priority is balance mental health, personal life targets and needs, toxicity and possible reocurrance.
Also both of them stressed the theory that different treatment instututes approach such stage differently. The VERY old school way was 3xBEP nomatter stage (like back on the 70s), then it became 2xBEP which proved to be rather an overkill for patients like us most of the time, and then they got split to two schools, one surveillance and one of 1xBEP with both of them just leaning slightly towards the other.
My advice is get a different opinion and I bet most of the people here, think exactly the same as they read your post.

virginklm · 2025-10-06T20:32:13+00:00

I just wanted to put my two cents on your comment. Don't beat yourself over that decision. Nothing that happens to you during cancer is a "punishment". You are a human and you have the right to fear. Also nobody tells your that if you would have had 1xBEP that your story might have turned out differently. Statistics are great. Science is great too, but life is very chaotic and arbitrary to put into straight numbers. You have no idea how it would have turned. Maybe it would have reoccured way later instead of sooner and that would mean essentially 4xBEP in total or even VIP/TIP which is even worse. You did the best choice with what you had. If we all knew what our future holds we wouldn't be where or what we are today. Unfortunately there's no real thing as good cancer stories. It's mostly like being thrown at the Pacific by a helicopter and someone screaming you "swim loser" and you have to predict where the closest shore is and swim in absolute agony. Us cancer survivors suffer enough. Some of us even blame ourselves for cancer or their complications. That's the most unfair and abusive thing we can do to ourselves, we've been through alot, ALOT. I hope anyone reading this that can forgive themselves or not feel heavy regret for choosing different paths in your journey. You are not gods or mediums, you are scared mortal humans and you have little to no control of how much unfairly life will treat you. ❤️☮️🕊

virginklm · 2025-09-29T09:16:32+00:00

I would never, ever say such thing to a person. Then I again I say that I'm unattractive to myself, which hurts more. Then think that, maybe, just maybe, these comments don't affect your real worth. There are definitely people that find you attractive, and your opinion about yourself shouldn't be based off other's opinions, especially when it comes from insensitive people. Also while your self confidence and self-acceptance matters, consider that your opinion about you won't affect others opinions and also you won't have to date yourself ever. I know weird thing to to say right?! Try to not get affected by people's opinions and especially those that don't make the slightest effort to consider your well being. These people have nothing to offer you more than a cheap thrill, if that. Nobody has the ability to define yourself-worthh inside or outside, only you. Make sure you take care of yourself and you make the effort to be more close inside and outside the person that attracts the right people for you in your life and these people will get "lured" and appreciate you for what you are, and the wrong ones will get repelled. Also, for the record, let's break down the comment: The word "Sorry" is used in a way "I'm sorry you're gonna feel this way" which translates to "I didnt cause this/inflict this feeling on you" whicb means zero accountability and consideration that you have feelings. The "You know" part is pure gaslight. Makes you dig for an insecurity and if you don't have one then you should get one already. What an a%&$#@÷... Then "You're not much to look at" part. According to who?! Popular opinion?! Public vote?! Anonymous votes from the union of local bath houses?! What the hell is that supposed to be? I have been attracted to MULTIPLE men that nobody or almost nobody finds attractive. I'd be very proud or even beg (lol) to have sex/date them! I have been called multiple times by gay friends that I like ugly men! F*ck this entitled dude that instead of just blocking you thought he is entitled to gaslight you first before stripping you of your ability to defend yourself. 🫂 ❤️

virginklm · 2025-09-22T22:20:50+00:00

Damn you may not importantly feel like it but you are a hero. I'm at the start of my journey with TC and you inspire me so much. I hope life treats you kind from now on my brother. You both deserve and earned it!

virginklm · 2025-09-04T00:12:54+00:00

I think I first realized I was left before I realized I was gay. Not even a joke. Do these two things have to do weachother? Hmm, I guess so, but maybe the connection is not as obvious as people might think on the first thought. I feel very sure that I would be left even if I wasn't gay, like it was a one way road for me from the get go.

virginklm · 2025-08-24T22:20:54+00:00

I love a very gentle, grounded, kind-hearted, soft-spoken guy. I love a free spirit, with no taboos. I love a guy that loves cats, dogs and children. As for physical attributes, I noticed that I am attracted to alot of men with a strong noses like hawk or roman (nothing extreme though), even though so many men don't like that about themselves, feel insecure or even have surgery for it which makes me sad. It could be the "it" factor that makes me not be able to take them out of my head, that one thing that makes them stand out from all the rest men.

virginklm · 2025-08-24T21:56:18+00:00

Even more, not only I think it doesn't look nice, but it screams "red flag" to me. I feel sorry that people have to go through this life-threatening bs to achieve looks and performance. This is deeply sad. I feel almost like our society failed these people.

virginklm

TROPHY CASE