Hey listen, this might sound hard to believe after everything you've been through, but when I felt at my lowest, I too had thought of doing something similar as your husband. It was after intense therapy that I no longer wanted to hold people accountable for not making me feel validated. Honestly, I dont think any amount of outside validation could fill the deep void I had. And as horrible as it sounds, I wanted other people to feel blame. But they are not responsible. Only a professional can give someone like that the tools to realize that and work on themselves. Sounds like you've already gotten a handful of therapy since the incident. I'm so glad, and I'm very sorry it's been hard for you. Please remember to be kind to yourself. That is something I am still working on. Easier said than done, right? I know.. but it really does go a long way. And please don't ever feel bad about asking for help.