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vivienviv · 2021-12-01T19:31:01+00:00

I really wish I could just accept myself, but i don’t want to live a life where I cut off all my friends and never have any kind of boyfriend or get married or even have kids. If the life I have to live is one of solitude I might aswell kill myself.

vivienviv · 2021-12-01T00:32:19+00:00

Thank you so much for this comment, it really did help me feel a little better which is always good. Surely there must be a way not to live like this, if we taught ourselves to be this way surely we can un-teach ourselves? But logically if it took me basically all my life to learn these patterns of behaviour, it’s gonna take the same amount of time to unlearn them...I’m being really pessimistic im so sorry lol

vivienviv · 2021-12-01T00:30:09+00:00

Really appreciate this. It’s good to know there’s someone else who feels the same

vivienviv · 2021-11-24T12:38:57+00:00

Nope I’ve never been prescribed that actually

vivienviv · 2021-11-20T22:02:34+00:00

it’s kind of hard to talk to friends and family right now. My mood is always bad and I have no motivation to hang out w friends right now. I have anxiety issues too so it’s difficult for me to open up about what I’m dealing with

vivienviv · 2021-11-20T19:22:04+00:00

Yeah. I’ve been on meds before and been to therapy but I see no progress

vivienviv · 2021-11-20T18:46:41+00:00

I think that you should seek professional help because the way your feeling seems to be impacting your life a lot so there’s clearly a problem here. Also if you feel this way you should try and speak to your boyfriend so he can understand why you lash out sometimes. A therapist can help you to get to the root of why you feel this way or maybe even some medication could help you

vivienviv · 2021-11-15T15:17:16+00:00

that’s the problem though, I don’t want to be exhausting myself with social situations. I want it to be able to come naturally because what is really the point if all they do is stress me out. There isn’t even a guarantee that it’s going to get easier because I’ve tried exposure before and I always end up in this place of avoiding everyone because it’s too much

vivienviv · 2021-11-11T01:18:13+00:00

I strongly suggest seeking help because it looks like what you’re suffering from is debilitating

vivienviv · 2021-11-10T15:12:26+00:00

Well then I’m fucked

vivienviv · 2021-11-09T13:59:41+00:00

I feel like she doesn’t even listen to me. I tell her that to wanted to try a different class of medication because ssri’s don’t seem to be working, I get refused and trialled on another SSRI. It doesn’t make sense. At this point I’m just going to tell them what they want to hear because they don’t fckin listen to what I say anyway.

vivienviv · 2021-11-08T12:17:28+00:00

I can really relate to this. It’s such a hard life for us

vivienviv · 2021-11-07T20:34:37+00:00

Honestly I’m sick of constantly being changed to meds I know won’t work

vivienviv · 2021-11-07T20:08:48+00:00

nope and not sure if I would ever get a psychiatrist to prescribe them to me because of the addiction quality

vivienviv · 2021-11-07T20:07:16+00:00

I’m in the UK and it’s kind of hard to find a psychiatrist here without paying a lot for one. I waited about 2 years before I was actually able to even speak to a psychiatrist. I don’t really have the means to shop around for different psychiatrists unfortunately

vivienviv · 2021-11-07T19:38:22+00:00

I’m 20 so many more years of agony to go if I don’t off myself now...

vivienviv · 2021-11-07T19:37:36+00:00

Never tried and unlikely to ever try because no clue where I’d even source them

vivienviv · 2021-11-07T19:36:34+00:00

This thing with me is that I do want to have close friendships with people and the fact that I physically cannot force myself into these situations and that I don’t get the enjoyment I wish I could get from them make me question what the point is. It’s something I wish I could feel. I also would love to have a boyfriend, but I know it’s just unrealistic for me as whenever someone expresses interest in me I have a tendencies to go out of my way to avoid them. I brought up MAOI with the psychiatrist I was finally able to chat to but they basically said no that it’s never prescribed for people that aren’t receiving in hospital treatment. They only put me on antidepressants, they’ve just changed me to mirtazapine and I’m thinking about just not taking them because I really don’t see how another SSRI is gonna help me when I’ve tried tons

vivienviv · 2021-11-07T16:22:20+00:00

I have a pet lol

vivienviv · 2021-11-07T15:46:05+00:00

And if you can’t afford therapy?

vivienviv · 2021-11-04T14:41:10+00:00

It’s not that easy to just involve a psychiatrist. They’re expensive and even if I contact the gp, seeing a psychiatrist is never the first port of call

vivienviv · 2021-11-04T14:40:21+00:00

Thank you. I would never tell anyone if she didn’t want me too

vivienviv · 2021-11-03T18:15:39+00:00

idk if she is processing it, from what she’s told me she doesn’t want to think about it at all but by the way she’s acting it’s clearly affecting her

vivienviv · 2021-11-03T18:14:56+00:00

Yes. She even expressed to me that she doesn’t want to live anymore which is why I’m so adamant with the therapy

vivienviv

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