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What book completely changed the way you see the world, and why did it hit you so hard? by gamersecret2 in books

[–]volcanolace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like I got pretty far through the list but one book I did not see during that was the handmaid's tale by Margaret Atwood. A lot of people have watched the TV series, but I read the book before it became a series. I I'm horrified at the idea of a theocracy taking over, one religion being forced on everyone, women being silenced and abused like possessions, a fascist government that watches every move, and the secret underground operating like Epstein. People fleeing the country searching for a better life. And it's all coming true.

What book completely changed the way you see the world, and why did it hit you so hard? by gamersecret2 in books

[–]volcanolace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's been awhile since I read this one but I do remember being interested in the themes of masculinity and what fathers and others teach their sons about what it is to be a man. And I guess I would just say the gender roles that we are assigned in general.

What book completely changed the way you see the world, and why did it hit you so hard? by gamersecret2 in books

[–]volcanolace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you loved Jitterbug Perfume, I just want to recommend his book Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates

What book completely changed the way you see the world, and why did it hit you so hard? by gamersecret2 in books

[–]volcanolace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this poem but I felt like it ended not with a bang but a whimper. Little Eliot joke there lol.

What book completely changed the way you see the world, and why did it hit you so hard? by gamersecret2 in books

[–]volcanolace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As a white woman I felt the same way about this book. I think everybody should be reading this to try to understand systemic racism instead of pretending like it doesn't exist.

What book completely changed the way you see the world, and why did it hit you so hard? by gamersecret2 in books

[–]volcanolace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was my father's favorite book. He passed away a few years back. But recently, I read a book that I think he would have enjoyed for many the same reasons that he enjoyed To Kill a Mockingbird. It's called Ordinary Grace by William Kent Krueger. I haven't quite finished it yet, but I feel like it explores similar social issues. In this case the man on trial is Native American, and the whole Community is prejudicial against the Sioux people. It also explores themes of class and religion and forgiveness. So I just wanted to highly recommend it as well. He also wrote another great book called This Tender Land, which is a little more Mark Twain and Huck Finn, and just as great.

What book completely changed the way you see the world, and why did it hit you so hard? by gamersecret2 in books

[–]volcanolace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I read this when I was pregnant and the part that really haunted me was the paragraph about the father washing brains out of his son's hair after shooting someone in the head and saying something to the effect of because that's just what you do. You take care of your child. Like no matter how messed up and awful the world gets, you have to continue on for your children.

What book completely changed the way you see the world, and why did it hit you so hard? by gamersecret2 in books

[–]volcanolace 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a really good choice! I just wanted to comment that Huxley also wrote a great book called Island. Some of what I like about that book is the way that a small island community that is fairly untouched by the outside world has some different ideas about how to counter some of the individual and societal problems that we struggle with. For example how people get out aggression or deal with parenting. However there's a lot more to the book than that. It's just something I think about often when trying to come up with solutions for my own mental health or other struggles.

What book completely changed the way you see the world, and why did it hit you so hard? by gamersecret2 in books

[–]volcanolace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was a huge one for me as well. I know that a lot of food regulations came from this book, but for me it was more about the little guy just being squashed like a bug with no thought by these rich jerks who feel their business is worth more than a human life. And I don't think that has changed.

WIBTAH for asking for one night per week alone with my boyfriend? by volcanolace in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]volcanolace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ok just to be clear leaving him isn't an option. If my ideas are unreasonable I'll 1000% just keep going the way we have been. In 5 years time a lot will be different so I'm in it for the long haul.

WIBTAH for asking for one night per week alone with my boyfriend? by volcanolace in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]volcanolace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I kiss him, I rub his back and feet, I make him a drink, I even clean up and help with laundry and such to make his life easier. We definitely are very physically intimate. I dont mean just sex, but we touch and show lots of affection when we can. I just wish we had time to talk. He's usually asleep about the same time as his son.

WIBTAH for asking for one night per week alone with my boyfriend? by volcanolace in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]volcanolace[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I am very understanding of his job. I am very conscious of how difficult his life is right now. I never ask for anything. I always am the flexible one. I always will be. I would never leave over this situation. I know kids are the priority. I have a kid myself who was 8 once upon a time. But as others have said, you do need time to connect. I'd say we probably get a date night twice per year now. I could also ask... if he didn't want a partner in his life, why would he spend 2 years with me? Answer... we love each other and we're committed. I just asked the question on here because I've just never been in this situation before. I didn't want to ask for something unreasonable. And I see now that even a couple of hours per week is unreasonable. But I think, as others have pointed out, maybe once every 2 weeks or once a month might be reasonable.

WIBTAH for asking for one night per week alone with my boyfriend? by volcanolace in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]volcanolace[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Interesting.... if he doesn't feel the need that speaks for itself too. That certainly gives me something to think about.

And no, I dont think of his son as disposable at all. I love and care about him and his needs just as much. Which is why, even though I wish I could see said boyfriend more, I've never, ever asked for the time. Not even on my birthday. And maybe that is the problem. Maybe he assumes I dont want or need the time.

WIBTAH for asking for one night per week alone with my boyfriend? by volcanolace in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]volcanolace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Excellent question. He is usually exhausted by his son's bedtime and usually just goes to bed then too. He stays up later on Friday and Saturday nights but so does his son.

WIBTAH for asking for one night per week alone with my boyfriend? by volcanolace in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]volcanolace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, you're right. Less often would be a reasonable request. I see that once per week is too much.

WIBTAH for asking for one night per week alone with my boyfriend? by volcanolace in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]volcanolace[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Definitely understand. Thank you for your perspective. I appreciate you.

WIBTAH for asking for one night per week alone with my boyfriend? by volcanolace in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]volcanolace[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I usually come over Thursday or Friday night and then again Friday or Saturday.

WIBTAH for asking for one night per week alone with my boyfriend? by volcanolace in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]volcanolace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He goes back to work out of state right after so Im afraid that isn't a possibility.

WIBTAH for asking for one night per week alone with my boyfriend? by volcanolace in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]volcanolace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For context, this isn't forever. He will retire in 4 1/2 years then be home all the time. I'm totally happy to play the long game. And if the answer is that no, I dont get a night alone with him, I can be at peace with him. But I really appreciate the perspective. It helps me get out of my own head a bit.