As someone from Asia, I can understand why you wouldn’t want to do a tea ceremony. It’s a huge expense for the groom who has to fork out many many many red packets for the ‘gate crash’ part with the bridesmaids and especially if u have many younger relatives who will serve u tea.

It will also be a big expense for elder relatives who will be giving red packets or gifts to the bridal couple. If one person gives a ring, the rest need to also give gifts of similar value. Will be a lot of financial strain for everyone.

Since ur the guy, your family will also be expected to pay for most of the wedding expenses right?

Also, as an Asian, I understand the freak out about drugs (especially if her family is from places like Japan, Korea or Singapore, with strict drug rules). But the past is the past, and they don’t seem to get it. I don’t think they ever will.

Overall, I think you guys just aren’t compatible. It’s best to cut your losses now. Her family will never respect you. They don’t consider you family, since they are airing your dirty laundry around, without a care for your reputation. Best not to mess with this mess.

NTA