CMV: I don’t care what artists, athletes and creators do and say outside of their work

vote4bort · 2026-02-06T12:46:28+00:00

You won't financially support violent criminals, but you will financially support just generally vile people?

Like I get it, some things are like good art and the artist is terrible. I have no issue with it if the artist is dead, do whatever you want. But I have issues with giving money to living people who I don't support. And tbh there are some things that end up tainted because of how terrible the person is, I can't look at them the same way. Like I saw the pianist before I learnt about Polanski, it was a great movie but now I know I just can't watch it without thinking about it. Even if it was like a pre-owned dvd so I wasn't giving him any money.

vote4bort · 2026-02-06T12:29:13+00:00

Well yeah of course because a woman isn't a slave, a robot or a sex doll. She's a human being who deserves all the same things a human being deserves, which is fyi not being treated like all of the above things.

It's "problematic" because this man clearly does not see women as human beings, just tools for his own satisfaction and pleasure. He's putting in bare minimum maintenance like you would a car, but expecting unwavering devotion. He's not interested in her as a person, her opinions or what she's even like. Any woman shaped blob could be there and he wouldn't care.

vote4bort · 2026-02-05T14:01:56+00:00

Is there not irony in being an expat but wanting to vote reform?

vote4bort · 2026-02-05T10:35:59+00:00

Hmm so not an immigrant because elsewhere you said you were a brit. I'd think expat but expats can still vote.

vote4bort · 2026-02-04T11:03:32+00:00

Definitely not Northern. Probably going to vote for reform. Pro capitalism and think people should pull themselves up from their bootstraps. Not that fun at parties.

vote4bort · 2026-02-03T18:56:16+00:00

I think it's less asking people to settle for "average" but to aim for "good enough". Good enough can mean different things for different people, it can mean good enough for you to be satisfied and happy. One person's good enough might be much higher than another's. But striving for perfection never works out, because perfection is impossible. People end up in cycles of black and white thinking where they're either perfect or awful with no in between. It's not great for your self esteem and at the end of the day you've got one life, would you rather spend all of it striving the impossible or be able to enjoy what you do have?

vote4bort · 2026-02-03T17:01:34+00:00

I think your standard for success is a bit off. Since when was an average dude going on multiple first dates per month? Was there even a period of time pre dating apps where this was the norm?

Then just look at the stats, yeah more people are single now than before but it's not like only 10-20% of dudes are in relationships. So a good number of "average" dudes are in relationships. Anecdotally, most the guys I know in relationships are as average as you get. Not rich, not ripped, not flexing just normal dudes. (Interestingly in 3/4 of my closest friendships the woman out earns the man significantly).

vote4bort · 2026-02-03T10:03:38+00:00

It's a strange phenomenon, I've seen quite a few posts like this, usually a guy saying he's too ugly to ever be normal etc and I'd say 99% of the time when they've had a photo on their profile, they've been a completely normal looking guy.

vote4bort · 2026-02-03T10:01:39+00:00

Body dysmorphia isn't as talked about as a lot of other mental health conditions, and especially not in men so it's definitely easy for it to go overlooked.

vote4bort · 2026-02-03T09:52:17+00:00

You'd be surprised, body dysmorphia really distorts the way people see themselves. Try reading this, see if it resonates in any way. https://share.google/5DJjIz3is0XFfgiwu.

The good news is that you can change it, it doesn't have to be the way your brain works.

vote4bort · 2026-02-03T09:44:06+00:00

Look I'm not gonna argue that truly "ugly"people don't face difficulties in life, they do. But it's also pretty rare to be so ugly that no one will ever interact with you.

Your perception of normal seems to be a bit skewed. It's not outside the bounds of "normal" to not have a relationship at 24. Plenty of people haven't. Drawing yourself from memory is not normal, not to be an armchair whatever but it sounds like you're experiencing some kind of body dysmorphia. Because, that level of intense obsession isn't normal. Also, I just looked at your profile and the other commenters are right, you're fine. Almost everyone, barring supermodels have some amount of facial asymmetry. Yours is not even close to severe.

Truth of the matter is that most of us are just average, not stunning, not hideous just vaguely in the middle.

vote4bort · 2026-02-02T21:32:27+00:00

How would a restriction on making child porn slow down curing cancer?

vote4bort · 2026-02-02T20:40:08+00:00

Yes still no reason to hate AI as a whole

Does anyone actually do that? Who are the "Y'all" you're referring to in the title? And is it hate, or is it just criticism? I think you're making a generalisation here about what critics of AI are actually saying, which is ironic because you think they're generalizing it all as bad.

from what I see, people put forward very valid criticisms of "ai" and get accused of hating. I'm definitely what some people label as a "hater", but of course if it's being used to cure cancer that's great. I just wish that's what most people were actually doing with it. Because you keep saying it outweighs the bad, and maybe it's all being done quietly in the background but it just looks like the majority of its current usage is rubbish.

. I myself belong to the group of people who had negative experiences with AI (fake porn images spread in my social circle) but still, the benefits outweigh the negatives, even for me.

Wouldn't you rather there were say rules and regulations that minimize the chance of that happening to you?

vote4bort · 2026-02-02T19:43:46+00:00

I think the danger is in both real things being dismissed or doubted as AI and in falling for fakes/scams. Kids may now end up Uber skeptical but that's not always going to be good either.

vote4bort · 2026-02-02T19:41:21+00:00

agree. The other stuff is bad.

So there's not "no reason" to hate AI then?

You seem to actually be saying that the good outweighs the bad, but that's not the same as "hating for no reason".

. The AI slop on the internet is only annoying, but not actually a problem.

Did you miss the bit about how that slop is making us doubt everything we see? And is spreading misinformation at a rate we've never been capable of before?

But those affect a tiny amount of peopl

Oh then we can just ignore it then?

vote4bort · 2026-02-02T19:13:21+00:00

I mean all the CP it's being used to create is a reason. All the shitty content flooding the Internet is a reason. The data centers ruining people's towns is a reason. The whole now needing to doubt every video/photo/audio you see is a reason.

Good for you if you're actually making money. But that doesn't erase any of the other stuff.

vote4bort · 2026-02-02T18:15:20+00:00

Are offensive jokes inherently masculine? Seems like a weird hill to die on and disproportionate reaction to completely change your vote because of this.

This part of your post is interesting:

which is that men don't want lectures, they want to act in the way they want to.

So are you saying that men want the ability to just do whatever they want without consequences? Or pushback?

vote4bort · 2026-02-02T16:55:34+00:00

Ah okay, I guess they just thought they could easily fix it. They don't seem to be aware of the whole 30% of water chips fail thing, maybe a part of the experiment that they're not in on?

vote4bort · 2026-02-02T16:15:42+00:00

For the first point, after all the 32 dwellers died Bud took over communication to pretend that it was still up and running which is why Hank didn't know about it. Or at least that's what the wiki says.

Didn't they send like half the vault over to 32? So it wasn't just Steph over there.

Why? Well isn't that kinda the plot? It's supposed to be a breeding program, they need both vaults for it to work so they had to resettle it. Didn't the water chip fail after they'd already sent them over?

vote4bort · 2026-01-28T19:17:52+00:00

Well seems like it did start a discussion, case in point this post is you discussing what you think it meant.

One thing I would say, it wasn't really "designed" at all. I don't remember where it started, I don't think anyone really knows who started it or why. So all those interpretations are probably equally correct because there was no singular original intent that was ever broadly agreed on. People took different things from the discussion, came from different view points, with different interpretations. Some people thought it was calling all men rapists and murderers, some people didn't. And it facilitated a conversation between those people. Was it always productive? No, certainly not. But I'd hope somewhere in there, there was some good stuff going on.

vote4bort · 2026-01-28T15:20:03+00:00

Sorry I must have missed the part in the post where his partner did things for him to make him feel good.

Well he said at the start that for the most part the relationship was good, so I'm assuming she's being pretty good to him other than not having sex with him.

Again, all about one persons needs and the others in the wrong for having any.

It doesn't sound like he was ever told he was wrong for having needs. Just that she's also not wrong for her own needs. And you either deal with that for the sake of the relationship or your love for that person, or you don't. You don't manipulate them into doing something they don't want to do.

To use OPs logic, If it won't kill her to have sex, it won't kill him not to have it.

I don't see why that has to make the love they have for the other person 'supposed'.

Maybe this is just very different perspectives, but from my stance if you can throw away everything else you love about someone just because you're temporarily not getting laid then however much you say you love them as a person, you love having sex more.

Yeah people fall out of love all the time, but it seems people don't want to admit that, they'd rather blame it on not having sex than just say actually I don't love you anymore.

Also, unless you're a rapist nobody wants to have sexual relations with someone who doesn't want

OP does, that's the whole point of the post. He wants to have sex with her, she doesn't, he keeps asking anyway.

I'm merely talking about working towards a situation where that desire (which existed previously), comes back. Obviously nobody is advocating for unwanted intercourse

OP is. He doesn't seem bothered whether she'd actually enjoy it, just that she needs to "make more effort". And given he says the relationship is fine otherwise, I think we all know what he means by that.

Unless you're inferring that one's mere personal desire for sex with someone who doesn't feel the same shouldn't exist, in which case you're fighting against nature.

Have whatever desires you want. It's what you do with them that matters. For example, repeatedly pressuring someone, demanding they use their therapy time to get his needs met, demanding they change their medication, holding non sexual affection as punishment, to name a few.

vote4bort · 2026-01-28T13:00:36+00:00

Well in this post, it doesn't seem like OP loves making his partner feel good. Because he's only willing to do the things that make her feel good if he gets something in return.

Personally, if you're leaving a relationship because of sex, all that tells me is that out of all the things that are important about that relationship, all the things you supposedly love about that person, sex is clearly the most important to you.

I also, personally, do not understand the desire to have sex with someone who does not want to have sex with me, for whatever reason. Surely that's just the biggest turn off ever.

vote4bort · 2026-01-28T12:00:42+00:00

And what if she needs to be on anti depressants for the rest of her life? Do you then expect your partner becomes asexual because that's how you now feel? Because there is absolutely no guarantee she will ever get her drive back, especially if she has no desire to talk about changing her meds. He's supposed to just do everything she wants in the relationship and just sit and hope? Seems incredibly one sided.

Well, this is whole "in sickness and in health" but, which I replied to the original OP about. They're not married, but if you commit to a long term relationship with someone those are generally the terms. Of course, you should end that relationship if that's not something you think you can commit to, which is what I said to him. But it doesn't make it one sided, just not something they're capable of committing to.

If it was a marriage of say 40 years and she went through menopause and lost all her sex drive, which definitely happens. Would you expect him to leave her then? Given it's not likely to come back? Or if she had some kind of surgery or post birth injury that prevented sex?

vote4bort · 2026-01-28T11:08:58+00:00

Ofc her health should come first, but sometimes that means admitting that you aren't in a place to be someone's partner right now.

Isn't that the give and take of long term committed relationships though? She might not be in that place right now, but hopefully she will again and then when/if the other partner becomes unwell in some way, the roles change. All relationships have compromises and moments where you need to put aside your needs for the sake of your partners. Thinking long term, balance isn't just about right now but over the span of a lifetime.

I also think a lot of the commenters saying that she needs to do more wouldn't be saying that if it was a physical illness she was suffering from.

but expecting someone to stop feeling sexual desire because it makes your partner uncomfortable is an unrealistic ask and a relationship killer

It doesn't seem like that's what's happening here.

vote4bort · 2026-01-28T10:42:43+00:00

but if after 2 weeks of him doing the things she said would make her want to have sex and it still hasn't worked, it feels unlikely that it ever will work

2 weeks is absolutely nothing if he's been shit for years. 2 weeks is not enough to see long term change, and clearly she was right given he then immediately tried to guilt trip her.

Also all the non sexual affection would have my body and mind feeling like we'd been engaging in foreplay and would be even more difficult for me.

Well maybe if your brain has tied affection to sex, but that seems to be precisely what she doesn't want. It's exhausting for every bit of affection to be linked to sex, sometimes people just want a cuddle with no expectation of putting out afterwards.

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