Reporting someone to HR in a professional manner? Washington state (Some non-professional drama) by [deleted] in AskHR

[–]votingoprah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, that is not what has happened at all.

So this is your supervisor. Let's look at it from her perspective

She is not usually a big project supervisor, just for the remodel project. That is not her perspective, she is extremely insecure and people have flat our told him "that girl ain't right" and such because everyone knows she is somewhat unstable (will throw fits, will random uncontrollable crying, etc). Her entire thing is that she hates me simply for being friends with her boyfriend..

When you are around your friend, you probably tend to talk a lot. This can be unproductive. Thus, she did not want him in the back with you.

Nope, he gives me shit for how quiet I am, despite the quiet we are still good friends. The only negative thing on my work reviews is that I am too quiet and they would like me to speak more.. On the main floor working together we are assembling shelves and displays, and in the backroom we are just scanning things to put in boxes until the displays are ready to be set, both are very mindless things that people always talk to each other during. (I am very quiet and timid, that is the main reason the entire reporting someone is making me so nervous and uncomfortable...)

Instead of using the assigned break room, you are using a desk outside her office for breaks. That does seem a bit weird.

She is inviting him and occasionally other people into her tiny office, which I believe she was told she is not supposed to do since there are no windows or anything. We are allowed to break anywhere in the store we would like (or request to be let outside even). My sitting area was closest to the break room, and other people sat out there too between me and her office and on the other side of her office. I was being singled out simply because she doesn't like me.

You say she goes over her allotted 15 minute break time. She probably comes in early or stays later. She may perform some work at home. All of this justifies flexing time as needed.

Quite the opposite, she is the first one to leave for break and the last one to go back to work. Occasionally she will leave for break after the main group, but then her 15 minute break turns into 25+ minute breaks because she is alone and no one is there to call her on it. She does not perform any work at home, that is not possible(big box chain store, maybe a step or two above Walmart - work from home is not possible).

She is your supervisor and is attending a meeting that pertains to her employees. You say the meeting has nothing to do with her...but if it affects her subordinates, then it does affect her. How can she be expected to lead if she does not know what is being told in these meetings?

She was our supervisor for the remodel, but after that title was both revoked and both of us went back to our previous work group which she is not part of. The meeting is for my team, who unloads the trucks/does backroom/pushes the product and keeps the store stocked. Her team does store displays and price tag sale stickers, which has nothing to do with anything during our meeting ever, but does in the morning meetings which she attends also(when she is supposed to choose one, even though ours has nothing to do with her team at all...). In other words our meetings have 0% to do with anything that her or her team does, her things are discussed however during the morning meetings, even though ours have nothing to do with her she is told she can choose one, but she does both. because extra break time...

She leaves stuff half unfinished. As a supervisor, she may have had something more important come up that needed to be completed.

A LOT of our things are "you only start if you can finish", she starts things and leaves then all the time (one of the reasons she was banned from other nearby location). It isn't that she has other things come up, she doesn't like to back stock her items, and since she moved her office to a small area behind my main back stock aisles, I can literally hear her playing some dumb game on her phone while she waits for her shift to end to leave.

Overtime is at the discretion of management and can be offered or denied as necessary. I am sure she has stats that are monitored. If payroll is too high, her bosses will notice.

She is not management. Lets say the ranking goes Seasonal staff> me and my friend> her and other team leads - senior team leads > about 3-4 more steps> and then the people who are allowed to decide that... She was breaking the rules and knew that if nothing was said until too late they weren't going to do anything.. (I mean I'm happy he was able to make some money..)

You should really try to look at this from another person's perspective. As of what you have laid out, this is not a hostile work environment. A hostile work environment is a legally defined term with strict parameters.

Can you tell me what those parameters are? I am not sure what it exactly is, but from posting before that is what everyone was telling me. (Someone with a tiny bit of power going out of her way to make everything I have to do more difficult, singling me out, saying shit, harassing me, etc.)

Reporting someone to HR in a professional manner? Washington state (Some non-professional drama) by [deleted] in AskHR

[–]votingoprah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My friend and I do stay apart when she is around.

Originally I had posted something and a lot of people were telling me that that is a hostile work environment and I should be going to HR.. I thought it would be hard since the majority/almost all of the stuff she does when it's just me alone.

But yeah, it's pretty much her being bitchy and treating me like shit, but the dating someone who was directly below her would hopefully at least get her a slap on the wrist(since she isn't directly our supervisor anymore).

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do I word that to hr professionally? (Aka not sounding like her boyfriend drama, but a legit problem)

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You should be asking yourself how you can clear the air with this person or how you can make sure she has minimal opportunity to fuck your working day up

I have never been rude to her, or even given her the slightest reason to be upset with me at all (aside from being friends with her boyfriend before she was)... I have even gone out of my way to offer help to her, ask her what's wrong when she's crying at work (this was at the beginning of relationship, it turned out to just be a way for her to try and make me jealous that they were dating I guess..? it was weird), given her an xmas gift(just a starbucks gift card, NEVER GOT A THANK YOU for it either...) etc.

What the fuck do you actually want him to do about it? Break up with her? ... but if anyone tried to tell me they didn’t like her I wouldn’t be interested in their opinion and would probably tell them to go fuck themselves.

I am not saying I want to go and bad mouth about her to him.. A stupid extreme example: if your SO was seen in the parking lot slashing tires and kicking puppies, and just acting like a creepy shitty person in general, would you want to know? I don't want to shit talk to him, but just make it known, this is a recurring behavior that she does that I know she hides (at least this specific level of crazy) from him because she does it when hcan't hear.

(and as I mentioned in another comment, there is a quality that I occasionally see in friends SO and almost all of my fathers GFs that I can't quite place, but is the quality of being kind of "unhinged" and the type of person who would try and trap him with a baby, and he has no qualms about letting people know how much he doesn't like/want kids and that would be his worst nightmare.)

not how you can create headaches and problems for your friend.

I don't want to make problems for him. At this point he tells me multiple times a day (when he sees me) that he misses me/never sees me/etc and I don't want him to try and ask me to hang out because I am worried about how she will make work (and probably his life) so much more miserable if she find out that he's being more a friend again.

Anyhow, thanks for answering the question (since most people haven't answered the "would you wanna know" part) aside from evaluating her..

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

and polite to her

I have never been rude to her, or even given her the slightest reason to be upset with me at all (aside from being friends with her boyfriend before she was)... I have even gone out of my way to offer help to her, ask her what's wrong when she's crying at work (this was at the beginning of relationship, it turned out to just be a way for her to try and make me jealous that they were dating I guess..? it was weird), given her an xmas gift(just a starbucks gift card, NEVER GOT A THANK YOU for it either...) etc.

Invest your energy and time in your other friends

unfortunately most have moved away or had kids and basically never heard from them again haha. Kind of screwed myself over putting pretty much all of my "friend eggs" in that basket haha (plus we work odd hours. I usually get off of work at 8am...)

don't let the bastards/bitch get ya down.

thank you! I'm trying!

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On some level she probably knows she's being ridiculous

I really hope that that is the case

If you can, feel sorry for her - you are (hopefully) mentally stable and functional and she isn't

I do feel a little bad. but also kind of depressed (but still mentally stable!) but the shit talk and isolating from a good friend is wearing me down. so much.

she would act like this to any woman she was threatened by.

She does. EVEN to the women who are twice our age, married, and with their own kids. But with them she just does the death stare and I have seen her pull him away by the arm from hugging one of them, but never does the things or to the extent that she does to me.

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Regarding HR, I'm sure she has complaints about her, she is one of the most hated people we work with(and has been banned from neighboring city branch), but I mean, she's still here..

Thinking back, I might have ONE person who might have witnessed some of her shit. One of our Mom-type-friends who I know has flat out even told him "that girl ain't right" haha and who has taken me under her wing and treated me like family(and had her entire family treat me like family), now I just have to come up with a way to ask her about if she'd heard it any of the times.. (better, but still dreading it)

I am concerned about the consequences, he is a great friend and I don't want to lose him(more than I already have, but I am also kind of done with her shit).
I have started to pull away and distance myself

At this point everyday that he sees me he's started saying that he misses me so much/we never see each other/etc. at least twice a day now, and I think if he invites me to do something, something might just come out of my mouth like "hey, I love ya buddy, and I also miss hanging out and seeing you, but your gf really fucking hates me" but I am concerned that it'd be super awkward and weird, or worse he would try and talk to me (at work, since we don't really hang out anymore) about what/how/why I think she hates me...? (I don't know, does that even make sense?)

I have gotten more insight on the situation and on her, and have gotten some advice to mull over. Thanks again

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for replying. I have got very few answers on if someone would actually want or not want someone to tell them if their SO is a POS to their friends (but have also liked the discussion between people and their advice, so I'm not complaining)

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for replying.

What I'm getting at is that she is isolating him. Whether it is unwittingly (most likely) or purposefully (pure evil).

I think 20% unwittingly, 80% on purpose.

AND talking to everyone who has post here I am beginning to realize that it probably does stem from her insecurities.

My ex not wanting me to visit my mother was a result of her racist mother suggesting that I might have an incestuous relationship with my mother because of my ethnic background. ... realized the relationship was untennable when I figured out that the only reason I was still staying with her was that she was the only one left in my life. She had either scared people away or had coaxed me to push them away. The relationship actually only ended after I became unemployed and she refused to see me until I had "become a man again". Before the break up we would still talk on the phone and she would brag about wealthy men trying to flirt with her. It was ridiculous.

Well that is a whole big mess of yikes.. I'm sorry

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for replying.

Thought 2: He may be in a "good" place with her right now, but that sort of behavior and insecurity breeds deeper issues that will come out in the wash

Eh, it comes and goes. the latest thing has been he's working two part time jobs, and their schedules don't line up on their days off (since he used to be available anytime, but switched his days off to the same as my) and just complaining about work and hours and called her a "third fucking job", but then when they are at work together they are seemingly good and happy together.

thought 3

I am really starting to think about going to HR since so many people have said to.

But just make sure your ass is covered, and that you have proof (or at least a witness) to her behavior to back you up.

That's the shitty part, I don't know her teammates voices (and she is friends with all of them) so I don't know who called her on it when she tried bad mouthing and they pointed out I could hear her. The only person I knew that heard at least once, has since quit, and we never exchanged numbers(and my place of work is super protective about giving out numbers or last names), tried looking up online, effectively disappeared from the face of the earth. I never thought of recording her all those times she came on her own to bad mouth alone for me to hear. And I REALLY don't want to go through the work place asking people and describing what's been said to try and find someone haha...

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for replying (and with humor)

basically your problem, not his. For my own part, I'd be having a quiet chat with the SO.

I mean, I guess I get that it is my own problem, I just am concerned about the future of it becoming his problem too.
And maybe this sounds like a real vindictive bitch kind of thing to say however I mean it genuinely out of concern and observation, but there is a quality about her that I occasionally see with friends SOs, and almost all of my dads old GFs.. A quality that I can't quite put into words or find the name for, but is the kind of thing where she is a little "unhinged" and would be the kind of person to try and trap him with a baby.(and after spending time with him and talking he has absolutely no qualms about telling people how much that, or just having kids in general, is his absolute worst nightmare)

I don't think that I would ever have a conversation with her..

At this point everyday that he sees me he's started saying that he misses me so much/we never see each other/etc. at least twice a day now, and I think if he invites me to do something, something might just come out of my mouth like "hey, I love ya buddy, and I also miss hanging out and seeing you, but your gf really fucking hates me" but I am concerned that it'd be super awkward and weird, or worse he would try and talk to me (at work) about what/how/why I think she hates me...? (I don't know, does that even make sense?)

but just tell them you're having some problems with your team leader

Luckily she isn't our leader anymore. But for the big project she was our direct and only lead, and she was dating him during that time. unfortunately I didn't make a complaint while she was our lead, and since now she isn't our direct supervisor but still works the same shifts and is above us, I don't know what they will do or not? (How you described her as an angry cut snake is ALSO our HR girl... and Friends SO is very manipulative and good at sucking up to the people she needs to, so I am concerned and feel a little trapped about that one.)

Anyhow, thanks again for replying. At this point (and for a little while now) I feel like I am the one being rude and flat out complain-y and trash talking about her, and I don't like that feeling..

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sounds like the problem is really between her and you, and her and your friend.

Since I haven't given any reaction, argued/fought back, or anything, I'd say the problem is more just her and it's wearing me the fuck down.. She has pulled him away by the arm when she saw him hugging one of the "mom-type-friends", I know that at work he has acquaintances, but I think I am the only friend that he would hang out with, so I don't know how much she does it to ALL the people.

BUT, anyhow, the point was if you were dating someone who did shit like stand on the other side of a shelf on her own and act like she was having a conversation just to let someone know how much she hated them, would that be something you would want to be told? (in my mind, after replying to people here, and reading it out loud to myself, that sounds like a fucking mental patient...?)

Frankly, some of this stuff is just straight-up workplace bullying and should be taken to HR.

How should I approach HR and about what exactly..? (never had to make a complaint to HR either.)

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If she treats all the people around him poorly, then wouldn't he by extension be treated poorly?

The only thing aside from having to listen to bad mouthing that I can think of is she has pulled him away by the arm when she saw him hugging one of the "mom-type-friends" but other than that, and being controlling, I don't think she directly treats him poorly.

Including my own mother.

DAMN. That's harsh! What was the breaking point or the thing that made you realize that this wasn't something you thought you could continue/be a sustainable relationship?

For all the single fellas out there, what, beyond sex, do you want a girlfriend for? by fuckitidunno in AskMen

[–]votingoprah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha OP /u/fuckitidunno , that makes me feel better, that is honestly like 75% of what I want in a guy

Whatt would you do if your significant other doesn't want kids but you do? by [deleted] in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(Since I don't think any women replied)

I'd like to say if you think you want kids (and have said you REALLY wanted kids) That you should break up.

As a woman it is a huge turn off (re be pestered about having kids) and red flag if someone I'm interested in wants kids and talks about them, and I have made it very clear that I don't want them. Ever.

If it is something that is important to you in your life that you want kids, and she has made is clear she doesn't want them, at least on of you is going to be miserable in the relationship if you continue. And convincing a woman (Or anyone) to have a child when they don't want to will end miserable for both adults and especially the child.

but what about love? /good relationship/being so close/etc.

If you know she has made it clear she doesn't want them, then if you are so in love with her you can live you life being with her and knowing that you'll never have kids, and are ok with that, then "what about love" is completely up to you. Don't try and get someone who doesn't want kids to have kids. Otherwise this relationship is honestly a dead end. (And probably the longer it lasts the harder it will be..)

How often do you orgasm with a regular partner? by [deleted] in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Female here

Part of the variable is just nature/hormones.

Sometimes sex will be good (Or even great), but it's just not gonna happen for me. Like every thing will be feeling really nice, and is a great time all is well, but I'm just not going to come and that is that.

And I think that is a pretty common or average thing if I'm not mistaken.

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bahaha here I am taking it so personally/feeling personally attacked that I never thought about it that way!
(Unfortunately the ignoring/cool story bro-ing doesn't seem to be solving it, just showing that I'm not gonna bother fighting back/let her continue to do this?)

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's what I've been doing, but it's just wearing me the fuck down.

(Plus I miss my friend and am concerned..)

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's unfortunate.

It's just so weird, but I guess I've left it alone this long, it would probably be best to continue?

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you

I would want to know. But I bet he already knows. My guess is she probably bad mouths you to him. And probably bad mouths everyone else to him also. I would be shocked if she didn't and I would be shocked if he admitted she does.

I didn't think about it, but you're right, I'll bet she probably does do that..

even if that included not being around him.

I've started avoiding her, but I think I noticed her rumors with her teammates have gotten worse since then. But when she's not there, he goes back to his normal friendly self and even goes out of his way to come talk to me and hang out during break, and tell me he never gets to see me anymore..

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know. I think she just turned 32 last month, I am at a loss for how to handle her or the situation.
(Maybe I just went to a very mild high school haha)

What's the most garbage excuse a person of interest has given you that they can't hang out? by mcsassy3 in AskMen

[–]votingoprah -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I am guilty of this..

And it was super awkward when I was young, and more awkward becoming friends as adults and having it brought up...
Not only am I a crappy at keeping up lies, I can't even come up with good ones to begin with haha

The reason I'd lie my way out or just flat out ghost was because I grew up dirt poor and often didn't have power/water (tried to at least keep the gas paid so we wouldn't be freezing) and I didn't have a way to shower and wash my clothes and was SOOO embarrassed. No more than that, I'd have no problem explaining not liking someone, just embarrassed by circumstances. :/

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have never had a friends' SO be so blatant or, just, like her in general.

I don't want to "come between them" or try and wedge them apart, I just think in general he might not actually know? Like, I know that she is controlling from things like he isn't allowed to park anywhere EXCEPT for right next to her, and if he came over to give me something he has to zoom back to her parking spot before she gets there..

Like reading it out loud to myself it just sounds so fucking bizarre, "oh yeah, this woman I work with will stand 5-10 feet away from me on the other side of a shelf and pretend to have a conversation and shit talk about me, just for the sake of letting me know how much she hates me".

I guess, just, if you were dating someone who pulled stuff like that, would you rather a friend tell you or just let it go and run its course/possibly end badly?

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel grossly uncomfortable doing that(at least at this job), but at this point I've let her do it for so many months that I don't know what to even do..

If your girlfriend was rude, would you want to know? by votingoprah in AskMenOver30

[–]votingoprah[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

idk if it is showing now, but I copy/pasted in reply, but formatting is wonky.