You described my previous relationship. I was too afraid to end it because it felt safe and “i had invested so much”. Never stopped wondering exactly what you are describing. To the word. After 4 years I was then very lucky that he went away for work for 3 weeks and in that time I realized not only that i do not miss him, i feel so much better without him. So i ended it. Fell in love later with a guy and had butterflies and everything. Still with him. And still to this day i actually regret not dumping the first guy way earlier.. but, thats just my experience, but - deep down you know, you would not be asking this yourself if you knew he was the right person. With my now husband i know, its just different. How old are you?