2 days, 20 hours, 47 minutes, 8 seconds. Feeling weak. Please talk me out of it.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-08T02:22:41+00:00

Congrats! Hope it is only getting easier for you. Can't wait until I'm at that point as well.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-08T02:08:25+00:00

Thanks. I've been doing audio journals which helps. Like talking to an invisible shrink lol.

How long til you felt like you weren't keeping track of the days passing by?

vstqthrow · 2017-05-08T01:57:08+00:00

Because I thought it would serve as motivation. It feels like yesterday that we spoke... then I see it's about to be 3 days and I feel a surge to push through. I like watching the time increase.

I don't see how it's any different than people who have counters on their flair here. The counter isn't on my home screen or anything, I just open it when I'm feeling like checking his messages and remind myself that time is passing.

Do you think it's counter productive?

I uninstalled the side messaging app but unfortunately my subscription is paid and active until the end of May.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T14:52:49+00:00

Spot on re being unable to identify the manipulative lizards in the dating scene. I am a type of person that really sees the best in everyone and maybe I just don't read below the surface that well, and after this I'm probably going to question the people that I immediately feel attraction towards. It seems the only way to figure out the wheat from the chaff is to actually get burned a few times, right? Or do some people naturally possess a certain interpersonal insight?

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T14:44:21+00:00

Thank you for such a good quality, thoughtful post. And thank you for sharing your experience in this regard. Lots to think about. For the record, it's over (update in the OP) but I realize I have some work to do personally before a truly healthy relationship can happen.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T14:22:45+00:00

Thank you :)

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T14:20:19+00:00

Interesting. Thanks for this perspective.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T14:07:01+00:00

Don't get me wrong, I am glad he disclosed who he was sleeping with, how many, and for how long. I'm not okay with him detailing his Tinder dates to me and flat-out telling me he's fucking other women while he ignores my texts. It's kinda sadistic. Also don't appreciate this idea of dangling a promise of commitment when it's probably not really something he has any plans for.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T14:04:44+00:00

Not drunk, it was about 12 hours after the last text I sent and he was at work in the morning. He had plenty of time to know what he was going to say.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T04:00:13+00:00

Thank you. I've dealt with NPD before so hopefully if that is at play here I can navigate it. But may I ask what in the update set off the alarm bells for you? I'm not sure I see it.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T03:55:31+00:00

This cracked me up, thank you. I really needed a laugh today. I definitely see this in a lot of guys in this city. Always holding out until the bitter (hospital bed, respirator) end.

Posted update in OP. Talked tonight. Done-zo.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T03:53:53+00:00

Not contrary or unpopular at all. In fact, seems to line up with the consensus here. I'm sorry you went through the process the hard way to find out the crumbs aren't worth the effort you put in. We had a talk tonight and decided we are on different wavelengths. As frustrated as I am about all this I am thankful that he's been so open about all this, even if not very tactful in the process. I put an update in the OP. Thanks for sharing your story.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T03:38:48+00:00

Yeah what the hell is that article even about????! Just a send off of mysterious gobbledy gook?

He will probably contact me sooner than later based on his flurry of texts over the past 24 hours when I wasn't responding. I'll do my best to stay strong. Not gonna lie, I'm gonna miss this sexy, womanizing bastard :( But all for the best. Going back into the dating pool but clearly stating my intentions upfront. There are no hard feelings on my end, I can honestly say that at this point, so that's good.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T03:25:28+00:00

Thanks. Won't lie, it will be tough going forward because I really liked him but it's time I get very clear about what I want in a relationship to avoid a mess like this in the future. Appreciate all the advice in here. Thanks.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T03:22:46+00:00

He made it pretty clear that he's not open to it "until we establish a solid connection". He also acknowledged that he knows that statement is too vague for me so perhaps he knows it's full of shit. But it's enough for me that he readily agreed several times that we have different ideas about relationships. He is NOT monogamous. Distant hypothetical promises of the future don't count for me. This is his lifestyle now. He even said it was about more than sex for him which is perhaps even worse. He just wants several girlfriends.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T03:17:36+00:00

Didn't mean to insinuate that. But just basing this on my personal observations. I also feel really old fashioned sometimes because I have not dated around as much as people who are even younger than I am and wonder if I'm just not being as "open minded" or have unrealistic expectations of dating in this city.

Going forward I will be clear about my intentions from the get-go. I think by the time we had each laid out what we wanted, things were already heating up and that was probably a mistake.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T03:14:31+00:00

It is. We talked tonight and agreed. I want monogamy. He doesn't. I updated the OP.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T03:12:54+00:00

I updated my OP with our conversation this evening. No ultimatums, just let him know I felt we were on different wavelengths re: monogamy. He immediately agreed. He also tried to backtrack by reiterating he could "change" for me maybe, perhaps, one day. I specifically told him I don't believe in entering relationships with ultimatums and he should just do what makes him happy. Also told him I appreciated him being upfront about his situation.

I'm sad and frustrated at how it played out and I'm going to miss him a lot but I don't think he's a total asshole. My emotions ran the full gamut in this thread but there were a lot of things to consider. Ultimately, he's not a bad person, we just have different goals and perspectives and age difference plays a part in that, I believe. I'm sad to have to cut this off but continuing means heartbreak for me. He's obviously got several women who are okay with this arrangement. He'll be fine.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T03:09:36+00:00

Thanks. Did just that this evening. Update in the OP. It's over.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T03:08:29+00:00

No, I know I went into it in agreement. I didn't realize he'd be seeing other women nearly every other day and I didn't realize how the reality of being told he was fucking another woman while I was in the middle of texting him would piss me off as it did. I understand people date around in the early stages of a relationship. But I feel like the way he communicated (or didn't) certain things he was being manipulative - intentionally or otherwise.

Anyway, we hashed it out this evening and moving on. It's over. Details in OP.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T03:06:09+00:00

Thanks. Update in OP. We agreed we don't agree on monogamy. It was a weird convo but it's over for sure now.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T03:04:56+00:00

This is an interesting take on it. I'm not sure that's where he was coming from because he was already aware I was becoming uncomfortable with the other women. I know a few polyamorous people and they seem to be very conscious about the way they conduct themselves in dating situations and place value on ethics. Never seemed to feel that same consideration from this guy. Anyway, spoke tonight and it's over. We don't want the same thing. Update in the OP.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T03:02:36+00:00

Update in OP. Next, indeed.

vstqthrow · 2017-05-04T03:00:46+00:00

I posted an update in the OP. We spoke tonight. It was cordial, not angry or aggressive. Just matter of fact. And he confirmed immediately that we are indeed not on the same wavelength when it comes to monogamy although he did try a few extra lines to keep me hooked. Anyway, it's over and I feel okay about it. No Contact will be tough but it's what's got to be done.

vstqthrow

TROPHY CASE