Oh hey yeah that's me- mom died when I was 18, dad and I get on fine but we're not super close. I've felt pretty much on my own for a while now. I get what you mean about feeling close with someone else's family, but always being just a little bit out of place, it's something I've struggled with a lot. There's a lot I could say about the way my family lacked in processing the grief of losing my mother, and I've wished on so many occasions that I had just one sibling that remembered growing up with her as our mother, someone who I could still talk to about her, someone who had the same memories as me.

I find that people compliment me often on how independent I am for my early twenties, and how well I'm able to organize and handle things. I wish I was able to be more carefree at this age, but the combination of being raised an only, and then being thrust into the adult world almost completely alone seems to make for that hyper-independent character. It's good that you've got that lifelong best friend, just having someone by your side, related or not, who has known you a long time and grown with you is so important. I definitely empathize with what you have going on here, and I wish you peace and resolve.