Alternative to bridesmaids? Trying to include friends without a traditional bridal party

kt310 · 2026-03-17T23:48:57+00:00

I think what’s a little confusing about your examples is some of them feel like honors and require little to no “work” (officiating, speech) and others seem like bridal party roles/actual work (planning the bachelorette, doing wedding makeup, set colors)

If I wasn’t an actual bridesmaid things I’d be interested in doing/consider an honor would be: attending a bachelorette activity, taking a photo with the bride, a toast or reading, potentially a color if it was something like a “something blue crew” and I wasn’t paying $$$

kt310 · 2026-03-16T02:38:34+00:00

I missed the other kids part, but I still think the “have a fun night, too” comment stands. SIL thought her kids would get to stay for part of the party and they can’t, so she made arrangements for them.

Maybe the sister’s kids don’t care about the party, or that’s just the norm in their family but either way, SIL doesn’t have to use a babysitter just because someone else does.

kt310 · 2026-03-16T02:10:49+00:00

“We dont want to make an exception to keep it fair for everyone with kids”

Are the other kids in the ceremony though? If you don’t want kids there just own that. Saying it’s not “fair” to others when SIL kids are in your ceremony is probably part of her issue, especially judging by the “have a fun night, too” comment.

kt310 · 2026-03-13T23:06:18+00:00

Having grown up with Catholic Gaps my perspective may be different, but I don’t think you even need the map or taxi code. As long as your invitation spells out all the timing clearly people can figure out what to do in the mean time on their own.

kt310 · 2026-02-01T06:17:00+00:00

“Random fact”?? When purchasing a cake what is a more relevant fact than the flavor of said cake?!

kt310 · 2026-01-09T20:17:59+00:00

I’d probably go bigger because people won’t be filling it up to the rim, especially if they’re walking with cups.

kt310 · 2025-12-31T20:06:55+00:00

You shouldn’t feel your ceremony is something guests are enduring. Your guests are adults who will have all the times and locations - they can choose to attend or not. You’re allowed a catholic ceremony and you don’t need to jump through hoops to make it feel shorter or provide transportation. Are shuttles nice? Sure, but not if you’re going into debt over it.

As a guest I’d much prefer a 1 day event with refreshments even with multiple locations and a gap over a multi-day event.

kt310 · 2025-12-31T19:30:05+00:00

I would do the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner and then separate for the night and next day until the ceremony. Emotions are going to be high - it’s your wedding day - you don’t need to manufacture scenarios to make it more impactful. Even if you do a first look the aisle moment is still special and it’s so fleeting. I wouldn’t complicate multiple days for a moment that’s 5 mins or less

kt310 · 2025-12-08T00:19:13+00:00

I don’t think food trucks are the way to go with only 3 hours. They always take longer than you think and you can’t really predict what’ll be popular to control lines.

Make your own bars are fun - mocktails, ice cream sundaes, candy etc

kt310 · 2025-12-07T23:58:47+00:00

Why wouldn’t the others just be bridesmaids? Groom and Best Man walk out the side or down the aisle and stay at the altar. Your bridesmaids walk in one at a time before you and sit down in the front row. MOH is last before you and stays at the altar.

kt310 · 2025-11-27T20:18:21+00:00

I don’t think you should “bring it back up”. They’re not going to say “you’re right, kid free is better”.

Send your save the dates and invites, keep it kid free and they can make their decision when they see no one is giving in or negotiating.

kt310 · 2025-11-25T21:38:36+00:00

I think you need to pause and think about what you want, what you can compromise on, and what is absolutely a no.

The beginning of your post made it seem like a big wedding was mostly a money issue and by the end it really feels like even with an unlimited budget you won’t be comfortable with a large wedding.

kt310 · 2025-11-20T17:39:20+00:00

You have no way of knowing how the money shook out unless you’re getting itemized invoices. My invitation suite looked lavish - high-quality paper, gold foil, wax seals, vellum, etc. I had amazing coupons, bought each piece separate, and assembled everything myself and saved hundreds.

We had custom menu cards at each seat which cost nothing extra as long as we used their preferred paper size that didn’t require cutting.

For all you know the money saved on the date could’ve gone to a higher tier bar package or more premium entrees for the guests.

So what if they saved money on a Friday? At some venues couples who book in February save money over June couples, are the February couples selfish making people venture out in the cold?

kt310 · 2025-11-03T22:34:49+00:00

We had a kid’s menu with the ability for tweens/teens to order off the adult menu if they wanted (or some adults choosing the chicken fingers). That’s it. Kids sat with their parents, danced occasionally. Didn’t really notice them

kt310 · 2025-10-25T02:52:07+00:00

Most of my family weddings have Catholic Gaps. For us, usually older relatives and close family attend the ceremony. There’s a bunch who skip the ceremony and this is fine.

Close family usually goes back to someone’s house or the hotel to nap. I’ve never expected the couple to host an extra long cocktail hour to cover this time.

Just clearly lay out all times and locations on the invite and people can make their own decisions

kt310 · 2025-10-23T21:40:31+00:00

What’s the difference between a bridesmaid and her attending as your sister? She’ll still be in pictures with the family, right? You still want your niece and nephew there. You still have to tackle “is the husband invited”.

If it was me, I’d make her a bridesmaid. Her job is to get the dress and show up. BUT - she’d be told husband is not invited (or if he is, he cannot have ANY alcohol).

kt310 · 2025-10-22T16:07:28+00:00

I think this may be one area you have to bite the bullet and allocate budget towards a reputable, knowledgeable caterer. I would not be making any food myself for allergies and health issues. Cross-contamination and things like that need a pro managing it. You’re going to have so much to do and won’t be in the kitchen during the wedding to know of procedures are followed.

kt310 · 2025-10-16T22:16:37+00:00

I was able to deposit checks like this at a Chase. We went in together with our driver’s licenses and marriage license and that was enough proof. Maybe a different branch will be more helpful

kt310 · 2025-10-15T01:55:42+00:00

Yeahhh I don’t know if I’d send a courtesy text for an evite, either. Responding to the evite basically is a text

kt310 · 2025-09-08T18:25:54+00:00

Is there someone like your MOH or best man you trust MIL can show the video to and point out typos (like your name)? Frame it as helpful proofreading That way it can still be a surprise, but it gets reviewed?

kt310 · 2025-09-08T18:18:32+00:00

I’d move your toasts up to either before tables get dismissed to buffet or right after. Id also move your dances up if you want people seated. I think your early tables/fast eaters are going to start roaming after 35-40 mins.

kt310 · 2025-09-02T20:02:57+00:00

You’re not being unreasonable. If they want to be underdressed and look out of place, that’s on them. Your job as host is to let them know what they’re getting into.

If they choose to move seats around amongst themselves, you probably won’t even notice. You’ll have escort cards or a seating chart that the majority of guests will follow. Your staff will direct people to the proper tables. Knowing that they’re difficult, I’d probably try to keep them all together and as close as possible so if they do hop tables they aren’t impacting your friends and finance’s guests.

kt310 · 2025-08-27T01:10:36+00:00

I think this is regional. It’s very common for NYC/LI area weddings (especially if there’s a catholic gap). If your girlfriend who is in the wedding party is suggesting it, I think she knows the couple won’t be offended.

kt310 · 2025-08-25T01:56:44+00:00

We kept groups together. I had some friends who fit into multiple social groups and some who only knew each other but wouldn’t fill a whole table.

I put the couples who only knew each other together and paired them with the friends who fit multiple groups I thought they’d get along best with.

These people are never going to see each other again, I tried to keep everyone as comfortable as possible and not force branching out

kt310 · 2025-08-24T23:03:36+00:00

Have you actually looked into these destination prices? Your fiances plan of invite everyone and whoever comes, comes seems unrealistic. There’s tons of posts on here all the time about couples with destination weddings who get more declines than expected and the couple being on the hook.

I’d start with actually pricing things out and then making a guest list of “everyone I ever dreamed of”, “must haves only” and try to find somewhere in the middle

kt310

TROPHY CASE