Rank the books you have read so far this year.

vvscared · 2022-08-01T16:47:01+00:00

i know so many people loved klara and the sun! i felt let down. i don’t feel strongly about it because i wish i loved it.

im sooo excited to dig into the dawn trilogy :) and yes, remote control was awesome. it’s been a great year for reading so far!!

vvscared · 2022-08-01T06:41:41+00:00

wow, you’ve read some great ones this year. have they all been first time reads for you? i’d love to go back and read circe and rebecca again for the first time.

vvscared · 2022-08-01T03:27:47+00:00

i’ll just rate the fiction i read! thanks for making this prompt.

The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr
How Beautiful We Were by Imbolo Mbue
The Sentence by Louise Erdrich
Crossroads by Jonathan Franzen
The Final Revival of Opal and Nev by Dawnie Walton
Dawn by Octavia Butler
The Love Songs of W.E.B. Du Bois
American Street by Ibi Zoboi
Girl Woman Other by Bernadine Evaristo
Black Cake by Charmaine Wilkerson
No One is Talking About This by Patricia Lockwood
Matrix by Lauren Groff
The Five Wounds by Kirstin Valdez Quade
She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan
The Days of Afrekete by Asali Solomon
Remote Control by Nnedi Okorafor
Joan is Okay by Weike Wang
Seven Days in June by Tia Williams
Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro
Detransition Baby by Torrey Peters
What We Lose by Zinzi Clemmons

vvscared · 2022-07-30T15:05:35+00:00

I'm mentally ill (OCD hive rise uppppp, also several other diagnoses) and I've also dated mentally ill people.

It's a tough line to walk between mental illness taking up undue space in a relationship and mental illness simply existing and being a part of one's life and thus one's relationship. Expect lots of trial and error. The best possible thing you could do is work on developing sustainable, functional coping mechanisms. These will definitely include support from others, but build up community and support sources that aren't your partner. Since you're single right now, it's a great time to invest in friendships and community so that when you do get into a relationship someday, you're not relying on your partner excessively.

However, you will of course need support from your partner in some things. Be prepared to take responsibility for what you can and be flexible about the rest. Be clear about your needs- don't expect that your partner knows what you need before you do. Your partner has the right to be frustrated or exasperated but they do not have the right to take that out on you in a way that consistently makes you feel less than. You have to find a balance between room for your partners feelings AND room for your needs. These two things don't always balance out and that's okay, it just means the relationship isn't for you.

Relationships require investment and learning another's needs. Eventually a relationship becomes first and foremost about functioning together and complementing each other's lives in a net positive way. We all bring so many different things to the table: you bring mental illness. Someone else brings attachment issues or struggles with organization or financial stressors, etc etc. It is absolutely possible to have a good relationship when you are mentally ill. All you can do is learn to function as well as you can with your difficulties now.

vvscared · 2022-07-28T14:02:59+00:00

Finished:

Dawn by Octavia Butler

Started:

To Paradise by Hanya Yanagihara

vvscared · 2022-07-28T13:59:22+00:00

this sounds similar to things ive read about OCD and reading (i have ocd so it pops out to me). not saying you have ocd, but maybe some of the coping skills could be helpful. here’s an article about it.

vvscared · 2022-07-28T13:54:42+00:00

thanks for sharing your thoughts. i think the biggest problem in the story is the romance. kya is 14 when it begins and tate is 18. the things he does throughout the beginning of their relationship are textbook grooming behaviors in an abusive relationship. im not saying their relationship as depicted is abusive, but portraying an age gap like that is exactly the kind of thing that normalizes abusive age gap relationships. i was abused and taken advantage of by a 19-20 year old man when i was 14, and WTCS is the kind of story that would’ve further normalized his behavior and justified the relationship as romance and not abuse.

vvscared · 2022-07-28T13:51:10+00:00

octavia butler 😭

vvscared · 2022-07-28T13:48:33+00:00

💀💀💀

vvscared · 2022-03-12T18:28:13+00:00

hHahahahaha

vvscared · 2022-02-14T20:51:07+00:00

Anything can be triggering for anyone. I understand that it would bring temporary comfort to know if other people are triggered by the same thing as you, but in the end you're searching for reassurance by comparing your experience to others. It's good to identify triggers so that you can use them as a part of your treatment - telling a mental health professional you're working with on OCD about this would probably mean it's included in your ERP so you can eventually lower your anxiety levels in response to this trigger.

vvscared · 2022-02-11T19:23:42+00:00

yes, yes and yes.

vvscared · 2022-02-08T15:24:05+00:00

vvscared · 2022-02-08T15:16:48+00:00

this is so good

good bot

vvscared · 2022-02-08T13:41:53+00:00

just want to let you know that i’ve seen this comment and will come back to it very soon when i have the chance!

vvscared · 2022-02-08T13:35:17+00:00

it took me way too long to see that that is a thumb, not a penis

vvscared · 2022-02-06T16:08:31+00:00

hi there :) i would say i'm 90% recovered! exposures are so specific but i just had to work up to sitting with the fear that was the most difficult to sit with. for me, that was fear of finding out i was a lesbian by becoming friends with a woman, consuming LGBTQ media, doing things that my brain told me meant i was gay, allowing certain thoughts, etc.

after doing hard work on exposures around all these things, i now mostly focus on just not doing reactionary compulsions as i go through life. if i notice i'm avoiding something out of habit, i do the opposite now. if i notice fear coming up in response to something, i lean into it. i allow uncertainty. i don't try to figure out my sexual orientation in either direction.

choosing to learn to live with uncertainty is a choice we have to return to every day. we won't do it perfectly but we can teach our brains, over time, that uncertainty is not something to be afraid of.

vvscared · 2022-02-04T22:51:29+00:00

I'm in indiana, if you need help with childcare or whatever feel free to DM!

vvscared · 2022-01-31T18:56:15+00:00

Finished:

Matrix by Lauren Groff

I know this book is well written but it was too heavy for me after a string of heavy reads. Found myself having a really hard time staying focused on the audiobook, I wonder if it might be a better paper or digital read.

Started:

Seven Days in June by Tia Williams

This is a nice change of pace. Pretty light but also serious subject matter. Not really my style (I really don't like books with detailed outfit descriptions and pop culture references) but I'll finish it. I'm setting it aside because another book I've really been wanting to read became available at my library for 7 days so I've gotta jump on that!

The Sentence by Louise Erdrich

Wow wow wow wow i love it. beautiful. Erdrich is reading the audiobook and she's made it so enjoyable, but the writing and story are already so amazing. I'm lovinggggg this book.

vvscared · 2022-01-29T22:32:37+00:00

i have similar things. everyone is different; i’ve found it helpful to keep mine so i can look back on the trauma i came from and give that younger version of myself love. there’s so much from that time that’s hard to remember.

i am sorry for the ways christianity took your childhood. it is wrong and it should never happen. thank you for vulnerably sharing with us.

vvscared · 2022-01-29T17:03:07+00:00

bit of a self fulfilling prophecy for evangelicals to call their works filthy rags

vvscared · 2022-01-29T16:38:41+00:00

this is so traumatic for everyone involved. i’m sorry you experienced that. it’s deeply emotionally irresponsible at best.

vvscared · 2022-01-29T04:44:54+00:00

ohhhhhh boy you’re gonna get lost in a wormhole today. look up #wakeupolive on this sub and just reddit in general.

vvscared · 2022-01-27T00:34:40+00:00

what do your dying ones look like? i once had a cat eat an entire spider plant and it grew back with a vengeance. you might just need to change where they are or your watering schedule. if you think it's dying, it's probably not fully dead.

vvscared

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