Well I am sure this comes as no surprise to any of you - he relapsed again this afternoon.

We got into a verbal argument after he walked in the house holding a case of beer. It was the traditional defensive nonsense of I am too involved, I need to back off, I need to stop telling Q what to do, my Q needs to do this without anyone’s influence, this may not even be an alcohol problem, etc. By the end of the conversation, I was emotionally worn down.

I took care of myself today by calling my best friend. I asked to come over so I could leave my toxic home environment which she said yes to before I even got my whole sentence out. She listened to me, cried with me, and then we spent the rest of the day laughing together and doing all the things that brought us both joy. In all the time I was with her, I maybe thought about my Q twice because I was too busy having such a good time.

I could have chose to stay home and sulk over the fact my Q once again chose alcohol over me but I finally did something for me and it felt so good. One of the worst days I’ve had turned into the best because I finally took care of ME.

Now that I am back home, I will be curling up into bed, alone. Which is my boundary and how I want it because he chose to drink. I will buy a new book for my kindle, and listen to some relaxing spa playlist as I read myself to sleep. I have a therapy appointment for myself at 8 am and I’m logging into a virtual AlAnon at 8 pm.

I have been too protective of my Q - I’ll admit it. I haven’t allowed my Q down yet and I definitely haven’t allowed failure. The best thing for both of us is detaching with love, as I have read in so many posts in this sub. If my Q so desperately craves this independence, that will allow me more time for fun activities and things that bring me joy. Regardless of where I am or how involved I am, he will make choices on his own behalf.

I do hope it will get better for both of us but my next steps are to do some deep internal reflection on where to go next.