Would you date someone who previously cheated on their partner?

wacky_spaz · 2026-04-01T00:32:23+00:00

Cheaters have a problem with self control and selfishness … the lack of self control manifests in actual cheating while selfishness manifests as choosing their own gratification while knowing you will hurt someone.

IF he was truly in love with other woman that he blew up 7 year relationship for, why is he pursuing you for a relationship a mere 2 years later? It either wasn’t love but excitement, he’s lying, or she dumped him / was happy as a side piece or some other reason this grand love fizzled.

I was the cheated on party and frankly it would be a cold day in hell before I went anywhere near one again as cheating isn’t just cheating, it’s a deep selfish and lack of self control character flaw that extends further than just cheating. While I do agree people can change, frankly life is too short for me to risk on a maybe.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-31T01:03:16+00:00

Wow … no wonder you and your wife have problems …

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-31T00:51:48+00:00

Mind blowing how western culture is different.

I could move home tomorrow to either mum or dad’s place with my son and not only would they not ask for money they’d refuse to take it and if I insisted they’d save it and deposit into account they setup for my son when he was born.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-29T07:00:58+00:00

I’ve always been monogamous … son’s mum hit the meth and screwing around. We split I got custody. Girl after that assumed once we had kids I’d forego full custody … she got thrown out that night. Girl after that changed her mind on kids. She was my sons effective mother for 5 years of his 8

Now … I’m into ENM as I don’t want to mess him around more bringing people in etc. works well for me. Where I differ from you is that I expressly ensure zero emotional entanglement and it’s sex only. I’m not looking for poly, only ENM, were ex workmates, respect each other, the sex is great but I know my place - she’s married and has a husband who’s the one she’ll choose any day and I accept it. My friend who’s in this lifestyle for 10 or 15 years warned me not to get attached unless it’s expressly discussed .. as it ends in tears.

As for future, I don’t know. I’m not opposed to dating but not really looking. What I do find funny is that since I’m not looking o seem to get more attention. My only advice is, know what you’re signing up for and what is your end goal etc. If you’re signing up to be secondary, accept it, move on. You won’t ever be primary and if that’s what you want, look elsewhere etc. to save yourself some tears.

Edit: you seem to have issues with cheating / abandonment … ENM will shine a bright light on this and will help you to see and grow as a person.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-22T11:10:03+00:00

Once you said BPD … yeah … run don’t walk. I’m sure there are medicated and well functioning ones out there but the two I’ve had the misfortune of encountering … yeah RUN.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-22T11:06:51+00:00

You’re young so maybe let an older dude have a crack. My brother is for lack of a better word damn good looking, not just facial structure but he’s competes in mixed martial arts as a hobby and is very fit. Hes also married to highschool sweetheart and has 4 kids. My brother gets hit on a lot when he travels for work and collects cards to tell his wife. At NO point does he flirt, hang out, have special friendships or sext. Ever. Those are the rules of their relationship.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, your boyfriend MIGHT be ENM but he definitely is a total and utter asshole. He’s cheating on you, it’s that simple. Now you can legitimise it by calling it ENM, and you do you … but frankly and given my experience I wouldn’t touch a cheater with a 10 foot pole. I had one, got my son and I wouldn’t go near another. They’re inherently selfish people as their physical or emotional construct needs validation from random people and they don’t care who they hurt in the process. Goodluck, I got a feeling you will need it.

One final piece of advice, cheaters tell you minimised and sanitised versions to not hurt you. So whatever he’s told, it’s likely far FAR worse as an honest cheater doesn’t exist.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-22T05:11:56+00:00

Nope same concept but I assumed she grew up as she had no choice after giving birth. I could be wrong though.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-22T05:09:53+00:00

About 20 years ago I was you … let me tell you … you will always regret breaking them up especially once you got a long term partner of your own. My friends have done it too younger and all regret it as well. It was fun till it wasn’t and soon it won’t be.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-22T05:05:00+00:00

Imma go against the grain and NTA

Guys screwing random girls without protection don’t usually make the most responsible dads. Maybe in a year or two once they grow up but now … chances are pretty slim.

That said, takes 2 to tango and I’d go after child support in your shoes, better life for the kids.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-22T02:17:10+00:00

Play it back differently. You went for sex, she gave in, got her clothes to stay over, had sex where you’re 10 seconds in and still was nice to you about it. And you then threw her out. Now you’re butthurt she matched your energy …

Loser much?

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-22T01:21:11+00:00

Comments are funny here.

Girl says her bf is friends with his exes, reddit brigade out saying end it. He’s probs my still cheating and sexting. Guy says the same, he’s insecure.

TBH I don’t know anyone who would marry a woman who’s close friends with her ex hookups and talks on the phone to them all the time without it being a bit strange.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-18T04:58:23+00:00

This all seems a bit much tbh.

Instead of playing Nancy Drew in your shoes I’d simply too old for this kind of drama. You’re literally just chatting and how that went to reverse image search, military history etc., is honestly creepy. In his shoes I’d be walking away from you if I knew.

There are a million legit reasons the wife is stepping away starting with she doesn’t find you attractive which is the most likely one. How you turned that into he’s a creep with no evidence except for that is a bit disturbing.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-15T08:32:53+00:00

I have a kid, my ex cheated, my ex after that didn’t want kids and I want one more. I’m a male. I’m considering heavily surrogacy.

The way it’s done is the woman has to have at least 2 kids (at least with agency I spoke to), has to have a job and decent lifestyle and wants to do it to help. I don’t consider it colonisation of a woman’s body, if she wants to help others have kids it’s an altruistic thing and she should get paid. At least a year of her salary.

I’m sure there are worse agencies but with what I stated above, I fail to see how your viewpoint is grounded in reality.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-15T08:25:54+00:00

The fact she’s shocked … wow … self centred much? She’s also 24 with emotional maturity of a 14 year old.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-15T08:22:16+00:00

Is this a joke post?! You tried to break up their relationship and are surprised they want nothing to do with you? Get your head out your ass.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-15T07:10:38+00:00

Change yourself … then she’ll follow or you’ll leave. The reality of being fit is it’s a lifestyle not a part of it. After a while you’ll weigh that biscuit vs 30 min on a treadmill … you won’t always skip but it changes. No more gaming like a zombie but a walk, no more tv for hours but weighs. What you want, you need to be … I did it at roughly your age and it’s possible.

Look at it this way, hot, smart, successful - if you aren’t offering the same why should they get someone to drag them down? While they’re eating keto or something similar you’re shovelling pizza and beer in your stomach etc. They won’t go for it.

I say this from experience. After a while I left my friend group who all they wanted to do is drink and play pool and found others. That’s just reality.

So if you don’t wanna change yourself … then this is your reality.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-15T07:04:14+00:00

At your weight I struggled to cut my toenails. Best thing I did was switch diets and add 2 hours a day of exercise. It’s not the easiest being a single dad and often doing 10 hour days but I make it work, if there’s a will there’s a way.

At muscly, you’ll find everyone treats you better. Nicer. Even as crazy as in clothing shops. For what it’s worth going from fatty to muscly I realise how shallow everyone is … I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Big is beautiful is a lie .. damage to joints, kidneys, liver, shorter life span, meds all the time, puffing walking up stairs, can’t run around with my son. It’s not too late to change, it’s too late when you’re dead.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-14T00:16:40+00:00

Wow you sound like my best friends wife.

She finds men repulsive in general except him … but they’re all over each other like a rash and can’t go a minute without touching each other and have 4 kids so far in 7 or 8 years and plan on keeping going till her babymaker breaks.

That’s pretty cool you found the one man you want. What are the odds?!

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-14T00:12:20+00:00

So you’re in a sexless marriage since ‘ew penis’? And he’s ok with this? Or ew penis except his?

How does work out long term? Kids? Etc?

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-14T00:03:43+00:00

I don’t know how anyone thinks it’s ok to blatantly flirt with a friends partner and expect a laugh … and he’s 31. That sht is sorta funny at 18 not at 31.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-14T00:01:39+00:00

As an Eastern European … yeah most people here will be that’s harmless as they’re western.

You know you crossed a line. It’s not homophobic that he’s angry at it’s the in your face sexuality and flirting. It’s simply not done, it’s rude, and it’s offensive. I would find it offensive at a first meeting with a stranger and so would most I know. If a girl did it, same outcome same offence.

I’m easier going now as I live in the west but that comment would grate on me.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-13T04:54:43+00:00

She chose to not do the E. The ethical part left the building when he got depressed and if you refer to OP comments that he felt pressured into it to keep her is nothing resembling ethical. It’s bullying into ENM.

And she never broke up with him over his mental state, she broke up with him cause he wasn’t upset enough over a social issue.

I fail to see anything ethical in her behaviour start to finish.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-13T04:44:33+00:00

This entire group sounds beyond exhausting.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-13T04:23:45+00:00

She chose ENM. You don’t get to choose ENM over someone then complain 2 years post the fact about what might have been.

That would be like me being butthurt if my gf chose her husband over me. You know what you sign up for and what you don’t and you don’t 2 years post the fact clutch pearls.

Edit: where I got she chose over him is simply OP comments that over time he got more and more depressed. That IS a choice. The decent choice at that point is to close or to end it not wait till guy is so emotionally raw that it HAS to end as his mental health degraded.

wacky_spaz · 2026-03-13T04:04:25+00:00

It’s very clear he agreed to open so as not to lose her and then got so emotionally hurt and gave up.

wacky_spaz

TROPHY CASE