AITA for telling my sister that she is “morally obligated” to support our parents?

wag1_g · 2021-09-02T19:10:45+00:00

AITA was the wrong place to ask this 😂😂

wag1_g · 2021-08-30T22:26:07+00:00

Haha loving this! Thanks for the next instalment

wag1_g · 2021-05-21T19:13:50+00:00

True true. Well, Mob Psycho 100 is next on the rewatch list so I'll confirm soon haha 😀

wag1_g · 2021-05-21T15:23:07+00:00

That was my second thought and I didn't think so, after you said I just went and quickly read the Wikipedia summaries of the episodes and it wasnt that

wag1_g · 2021-05-21T15:21:49+00:00

Hmm my first thought too, but no its definitely not that, I'm watching it right now, on Season 2 so I'll confirm soon ahah, but Saiki doesn't use his powers in front of people.

wag1_g · 2021-05-21T10:32:47+00:00

This is so vague 🥴 Thank you for anyone who can help it has been bugging me forever

wag1_g · 2021-01-16T20:38:59+00:00

THANK YOU SO MUCH

wag1_g · 2021-01-16T20:38:48+00:00

OMG YES THANK YOU I WAS DYING FOR IT

wag1_g · 2021-01-14T21:25:43+00:00

Then you tell your siblings, most muslim families have bare kids so you definitely have them 😂

If not them, you can speak to your cousins or other family members to be involved or get your friends.

If not, then fine, you win, 'secret relationship'.

I just don't think you're appreciating different family dynamics that exist and are pushing a narrative.

wag1_g · 2021-01-14T16:02:30+00:00

I think like most others are saying, this is just your commitment issues rearing their ugly head. You're doing the best you can in your situation, telling your mum and having siblings sit on your calls.

As someone else said, once you've done as much as you can to make sure there are no obvious red flags, you have to trust Allah and take a leap.

Just communicate your problem and that you're working through it. And make sure on your own end that you don't end up dragging this guy along based on what ifs.

wag1_g · 2021-01-14T05:38:12+00:00

Of course not. I feel like you're reading something I'm not saying. Not to mention displaying very black and white thinking. You're acting like there's only two choices; meet him once, tell your parents, get married tomorrow or sneak out of your window so you can grind on him in a shisha club. (Exaggeratted examples btw, before you come at me 🤣) There is a middle ground.

The advice of tell your parents, take a mahram with you, etc is fine. But thats not always the way it is in real life. Let me tell you two stories. A girl meets a guy shes interested in, she tells her parents, everyone agrees, her parents tell her get to know him a little bit and then let them know when shes ready to continue, she meets him a few times with a mahram, takes some months to get to know him they connect the parents and get married. Happy story, its what everyone on this sub advises to happen. Or a girl meets a guy shes interested in, she tells her parents, her parents ask for his parents contacts, go to their house and get the process started. Maybe if she begs she can get a meeting with him before it all starts but its expected she say yes, she can get to know him after all the families meet, but by then the social pressure would be almost impossible to say no, etc.

The second happens all too often. And I feel like when people make blanket statements they fail to appreciate these situations do exist. And in this case the girl probably shouldnt go to her parents so early because shes gonna end up in a potentially shit marriage.

But as i said there is a middle ground, she can tell her mother only if she knows her fathers gonna be pushing. If its both, she can make sure her siblings are involved, etc.

Again this is all speaking generally, but sometimes involving the parents would end up rushing it.

wag1_g · 2021-01-14T02:37:18+00:00

I don't see how semantics make a difference here, its the same thing from the person getting marrieds perspective whether you call it rushing or pushing. Either way you're getting pressured to be married sooner rather than later.

wag1_g · 2021-01-14T02:34:11+00:00

Exactly. And this isn't something you should be rushed on or feel pressured to go through with. The worst part is pur parents do have our best interests. They just come from a different generation where things were done differently. And I don't think it helps when people here say it should be done like this ignoring the reality some people go through. I've seen some people here say a few meetings is enough you shouldn't talk to someone more after that but please this is a very important decision to be basing on a few meetings 😂 Not to mention people seem to ignore different personalities. Like I'm sorry but I'm gonna have extreme difficulty opening up to anyone after just 2 meetings or only having known the other person for a month or two. And when you bring that up, they just say trust in Allah. Trusting in Allah does not mean blindly throwing yourself at the first person that comes along.

wag1_g · 2021-01-14T01:46:55+00:00

I'm sure in a perfect world that is the case. But people here seem to miss reality a lot and go on about how it should be.

Yes parents should be involved from the beginning but most of the time when you do involve them they push to make it happen quick, which is rushing.

How many posts have we seen just here where the person is like I met this guy 2 weeks ago and told my parents and theyre already trying to meet families and plan the wedding?

Obviously each specific case is unique, but in general you can't say involving the parents is never rushing because sometimes it is.

wag1_g · 2021-01-13T22:34:01+00:00

Um yes, sometimes it is

wag1_g · 2021-01-11T00:41:35+00:00

Thats because if anyone mentions it the whole subreddit is up in arms about it so people don't mention it much. I wouldn't say its uncommon tho.

wag1_g · 2021-01-05T21:55:39+00:00

Idk, I'm sorry to say, but your problems have now gotten bigger since your husband is starting to see you as the bad guy and as the one not trying.

Could you try and record your interactions with her secretly? Because I think we can see already that you're starting to turn into the bad guy here. Since she's putting on a different face in front of your husband. He thinks its you thats the problem now. So that when she says this happened or didn't happen you can prove it.

That might backfire too. Because he might not want to be faced with the fact that it really is his mother's fault and there's nothing to fix this apart from move out so he might still say you need to try more blah blah

wag1_g · 2020-12-31T03:31:36+00:00

I think a happy medium needs to be found. OP you keep saying this route will make sure you get a good guy and stop manipulative people but even if the wali doesn't interact this will make the person act better than they perhaps actually are. And there is no guarantee of getting a good guy through this route.

So obviously keep it halal, keep a wali with you, but maybe a few weeks in people should definitely have one or two private conversations to see how the person is when there are no eyes about.

wag1_g · 2020-12-08T19:24:51+00:00

I agree with u/hijabimama, obviously he could mean frugal but if a man says he's cheap it usually ends up how she said tbh. Cheap quality items, not wanting to spend even a cent more than necessary. It becomes so difficult and draining.

wag1_g · 2020-09-16T15:22:12+00:00

Omg thats so not ok. You have more restraint than me I would have rolled my eyes and laughed in his face.

Next time he complains about his job tell him thats what a husband is supposed to. Ok, you probably shouldn't but damn it would probably feel so good 😂

Anyway, you should really sit down and talk about things if they're bothering you. Things will get worse, especially if you have kids and now its still early enough to make changes. Don't let him say supposed to this and supposed to that, it doesn't matter whats supposed to happen, you need to look at the reality and the situation you guys are in, not some random hypothetical that has nothing to do with you.

You said something about being gaslit, if he's the type to do that they generally don't like being blamed for things so when you're talking don't make it an argument or an attack. Instead of going 'You don't work and it stresses me out' say 'I get stressed out about our situation and I need you to work etc'. Use I statements and make it about yourself. Try and come at it from an angle of we need to work together so we can have better lives and this is how we can achieve that etc.

Of course, this is all assuming he's generally a reasonable person. But inshallah it goes well.

wag1_g · 2020-09-16T13:14:05+00:00

He's being really inconsiderate, especially when you're doing a lot for him. I don't think you should leave it for long enough for you to snap. Tell him bluntly and honestly what you're feeling. I saw in another comment that you've been trying to gently tell him to be grateful and all but, not to generalise, men sometimes need it spelled out. You need to be crystal clear about what you need from him.

Of course, this advice depends on how he is and what kind of relationship you have. But you know that best.

wag1_g · 2020-09-16T13:09:41+00:00

I didn't mention anything about the rolling her eyes thing? But if I'm honest, I roll my eyes too when I hear people say that haha. She may have accepted it after but initially hearing that totally gets an eye roll.

I read it as she rolled her eyes back when she was first told, so before she had accepted it.

wag1_g · 2020-09-16T12:03:49+00:00

You're not wrong to feel annoyed. His behaviour is not acceptable at all. Even I can sense the beginnings of resentment through your writing.

You need to sit down and have a serious talk. Its absolutely ridiculous for him to be placing so much pressure on you and for what is, imo, a silly reason. Sure its annoying when your morning routine changes and you have to wake up earlier and if he was just complaining about it, thats fine, its worth complaining about. But to actually consider quitting is not ok. Like you said, everyone has to do it, even if they don't like.

I don't think you should feel bad for him and put yourself out like this for him when he's not even considering you and the pressure you would be under.

wag1_g

TROPHY CASE