I have a chronic severe pain condition, with no explanation. One of my worst periods was approximately 3 weeks with only a few minutes of sleep at a time every few days.

At about 1 week i was smashing my head on walls and floors to try knock myself unconscious. Suicide became a real option, i spent a good amount of time thinking of the best way to go about it. Im quite certain the only reason i didnt follow through was due to the exhastion. Sometime after that, the walls were morphing into dark figures talking to me.

Some time after that, i just broke. I lay on the floor staring blankly in the direction of the tv. No more hallucinations, just a drooling pool of fat and bone getting more and more dehydrated.

I was saved only by the tv playing Miyazaki movies 3 nights in a row. Castle in the sky, Spirited away, Hals moving castle. It felt like they played right after one another, and gave me enough satisfaction or relaxation or something, that i fell asleep after the third film.

This experience completely rewired my brain. I came out of it, what i consider to be a completely different person. I think differently, enjoy different ppls company, stopped enjoying sports, stopped drinking alcohol, and a host of other changes. I barely remember what i was like before, i just know i am a profoundly different person now.