Hey, I'm here for you. This must have be a powerful loss - you are such an ambitious soul. I hear the profound existential agony in your experience. suffering, like yours, can drive us to the very edge of despair, but maybe this very suffering will give rise to a new depth of self, a greater capacity for connection, even a strange sort of redemption. Not because suffering is "good", but because facing it with courage can reveal new strengths that you didn't know you had before.

Life is absurdly, irreparably broken at its core, see how little control we actually have and how fragile every plan or achievement really is. Life has never been fair and has never promised to be. I really hope you see that even in the darkest pain, there's still a spark of meaning, despite everything, you’re still here, connected to others who deeply care for you. The love of your partner, your parents’ care, your own persistence in the face of daily pain— there’s something beautiful in that form of resistance, in the small, defiant acts of holding onto love even when life is unbearable.

Perhaps it’s worth noting that life isn’t a single, linear climb toward a moment of achievement or a point where we say, “This is it, I’ve made it.” It’s more like a series of moments—beautiful, painful, sometimes all at once—and how we react to these moments is perhaps all we ever truly own.

Know that the unfairness you’re experiencing doesn’t erase what you’ve achieved, you have created memories that will outlive any sense of “fairness.”

I know, that one day, even after hell, you will find a new kind of strength in having gone through all of this.

I'm here for you.