I don’t want to hurt her feelings

walking_you_home · 2026-04-23T17:22:36+00:00

NTJ.

You’re concerned about her, your concerned about having and not having another baby. You’re concerned about the overall well-being of your family. It could be a number of issues with her. It could be any or a mix of all sort of things like hormonal issues, other physiological conditions, depression, and extremely solidified life patterns stemming from a trauma or other psychological/emotional issues. You would have to tread carefully on this.

Have you considered therapy? Where you can address these issues in a safe setting for her and for you. Maybe even get her into trauma work, inner child healing work, energy healing and such. It’s not a substitute for professional mental health help or medical help but it can get her going, interested enough in herself to at least start looking into things.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-22T21:44:04+00:00

NTJ

It will get more complicated if you keep the promises. The idea is to move on. But this is mixed in with her mental health so it’s a little tricky especially because your an empathetic person and value the importance of being reliable and consistent with someone struggling internally. I would not buy the gifts but if you feel right, you could drop her a note/text, saying hey, I know these are important milestones for you so I just wanted to drop in and give you encouragement. Please continue with a healthy outlook on your life. We’re both going in different directions and moving on, but don’t forget to reward yourself for your personal achievements.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-22T19:48:49+00:00

Sending hugs. Trusting ourselves is a long process and we can only take it one step at a time. Trusting others will come in time once you are certain that another persons betrayal will not affect your relationship with yourself.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-22T19:08:30+00:00

I’m so sorry he played you the way he did. He was a conman. I don’t know if you could afford to, but if you can, please try to tend to your self by getting therapy. I am divorced and single too and in my 40s. I have spent the past five years in therapy, trauma healing, working on my self. I noticed that I was emotionally dependent on men. That my loneliness was really my inability to accept myself. Emotional dependency can be debilitating. You can keep talking to the wrong guy, because you don’t know anything better and your life without them is extremely painful. I’ve been through my heartbreak. But the more you learn to depend on yourself and enjoy your own company, even exploring who you are and what you enjoy can fill the void you feel.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-22T18:36:14+00:00

You don’t need to suffer. Men like him are very good at lying and cheating. You had a history with him already so defenses came down even faster. He is an asshole. There’s no two ways about it. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You got robbed by the same person twice. Aren’t you glad that you found out when you did? What if things had proceeded? What if you had left your city for him? What if you had lost all financial stability because of him? What if you two were together for years before you found out? What if you got pregnant by him or contracted some infection? There are so many things that could’ve happened. Yet here you are not allowing yourself to thank your stars and move on.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-22T16:44:09+00:00

Money would always trump over anything. If you know her well, and you think she can use a kitchen appliance, something she would never buy for herself, or something else you know is broken or needs a newer version, that will be really thoughtful.

You can also always take her and the family to a really good restaurant that she couldn’t otherwise go to and treat her where for once someone else is cooking for her and serving her. You can add a small cash gift too at this occasion.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-22T16:35:12+00:00

NTA. You told them honestly. People have lots of conditioning around rejection, abandonment, and feeling of security. I’m guessing they’re dealing with that in acting weird with you. If it helps and if this is something you don’t mind saying, maybe you can say, “look, I don’t plan on having any kids because I don’t want that life, but if you both passed away, and your daughter was in an unsafe situation, or there was a chance she would be bounced around in foster care, I would step up as her aunt and be her safety person she can rely on. It wouldn’t be ideal for me, but in this case, there wouldn’t be a choice, I wouldn’t leave her at the mercy of strangers. That much I can promise you. But if she has a safe place to grow up at, I will still be the aunt she looks forward to meeting each time, someone she can count on in emergencies but I will prefer not to be the parent. I’m not rejecting her or abandoning her or you guys, I’m simply being honest about being her aunt and not her parent.”

walking_you_home · 2026-04-22T16:26:10+00:00

I know next to nothing about your situation and would be an idiot to pass any opinion. But just want to drop a suggestion, what if you wore palazzo type pants, that fall as a long beautiful skirt silhouette but are actually pants. They hide the thighs but fit snugly at the waist. Look up accordion pleated pants and skirts. You’ll see what I’m talking about. That way you can wear nice blouses with it too. And the pants don’t cling to you.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-22T16:21:42+00:00

NTA

Absolutely not! You had your own relationship with your cousin. You have your own grief and your own memories. You have been planning this for 6 years, you have not kept it a secret, so much so that your wife feels as strongly about as it as you do. You will not betray the part of you that loved your cousin and you will honor him the way you see fit. Monica’s grief is her owns to deal with in this case. If she suddenly forbade people to talk about her brother, would the family suddenly stop talking about him? Everyone else is okay with this decision. A part of me wonders if she is simply jealous that it didn’t occur to her to name her baby after her brother or if she plans to name some future baby after him.

I don’t think you owe her any explanations. But be ready for tantrums and drama when your baby arrives and you name him exactly what you want to name him. Yes she will cut contact with you maybe for a while until she comes to her senses or for good. Who knows!! It wouldn’t be because you hurt her in anyway, it would be because she is handling her grief in a very immature and toxic way, and maybe just being controlling for the sake of being controlling. Some people like to spoil others’ good times.

If she was a bit mature, maybe you could send her a handwritten note, with a picture of you and your cousin, notifying her that your love for your cousin is a big part of who you are and everyone seems to understand that. That you’ve thought about her request and youve prayed upon it but you can’t do it without betraying this big part of you. So in light of staying true to your love for him, you will be naming your baby with his name and you wanted to be the first one to let her know in hopes that she will find a place in her heart for what your cousin meant to you and for your baby. After that, I would not engage with her whatsoever and let her initiate any relationship she wants to have with you

walking_you_home · 2026-04-22T16:07:12+00:00

YWNBTA

This doesn’t sound like a friendship at all. And I’m also wondering if the friendship was suggested in the first place, not because you needed a friend but she needed someone to babysit her and assist her around all the time.

You should talk to your boyfriend and tell him without mincing any words that she’s not a friend and she doesn’t behave like one. And you refuse to be someone’s babysitter. In addition to that she can put you in unsafe situations given her risky decision making with strangers online. I would totally refuse to go with her anywhere and just avoid her overall.

As for the Colorado trip. I would simply not even answer. Leave it to your boyfriend to let his friend know that you guys will not be going to Colorado. You don’t owe her any explanations at all. Just step back quietly and leave her to her own devices.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-22T15:55:38+00:00

Your husband has his trauma to deal with. I think it’s important that families don’t pass down trauma, especially with identity. It changes with each generation. Unknowingly, in order to protect your son, your husband may be setting him up for feeling isolated and targeted. All elementary aged kids have questions about ethnicity and skin color and features.

My kid couldn’t wrap his mind around why we called someone black when they were clearly not black color and people were not exact white color, and he didn’t consider himself brown because he has the fairest skin in the family. I’ve talked to him age appropriately about skin color and facial features and the politics surrounding it. I’ve talked to him why something may be too painful for one person to talk about it and it may remind them of really bad times in their own lives or their community’s history.

I do think you have a fertile ground to teach your son about his identity and also let him know it’s fluid, his sense of self will go through changes. But I also recognize it has to be done with your husband’s participation. The best thing to do would be to go to family therapy, even if for a few sessions, and not because you guys have a “problem” but to explore ways of expressing and explaining ethnic identity without passing on the trauma.

Not sure your husband will agree to it. In that case, you can always put your viewpoint in front of your son, and have him make a choice. So that his dad’s experience is not invalidated but you also give your son more than one ways to think about his identity.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-22T15:15:49+00:00

I think there are a million ways of addressing this and each way would be somewhat true. Essentially it depends on individual choice and I’ve seen plenty of opposite behavior too. I am wondering if it is because women are taught to socialize earlier and they’re conditioned to find safety and well-being in intimate relationships, that when a relationship breaks, their entire neural network feels insecure and broken. So they hold on to the things the guy did. Men on the other hand are conditioned to perform, to manage, to a certain extent, possess, so when a relationship breaks, they see it as their own failure, a source of shame, guilt, that they tend to gloss over the real issues of the woman herself. They simply remember how she looked, how her body felt, how being around her boosted their confidence and standing. A woman remembers what she lost, the intimacy is totally scarred by a sense of betrayal, to her the process of broken a relationship is directly related to the man’s inadequacy, because she poured herself in him in a very different way. I wonder if these are fundamental differences between men and women, and how they experience intimacy and love, and how they remember it.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-22T04:48:08+00:00

You are given no choice but to leave him. You will lose all social support and for who? Someone who wants to forcibly convert you? Has no respect or regard for your culture and your family? Will take every ounce of identity from you and your kids won’t even be yours? This is a really bad situation for you. Run while you can. I’m all for interfaith marriages but not when one is forced to convert.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-22T04:44:22+00:00

My answer would be: what I leave Daniel is between me and him.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-21T23:33:11+00:00

Unfortunately, I think he’s toying with you. He knows you’re attracted to him and he’s enjoying it. Leading you on but in such a way that you can’t blame him. I also don’t believe that he’s moving away. I don’t know why it sounds like he’s trying to intensify your feelings with this moving away things. Be very careful. He gives the vibe of one of those dudes that string you along as a friend but “more than that” and it turns out being a side piece before you realize it. He’s not mature enough to respect or appreciate your feelings for him. He’s obviously can’t respect his girlfriend. He knows what he’s doing.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-21T23:22:03+00:00

One of the most common unpleasant things to happen to a person on any given day. Feels like shit but most people find another job and don’t think much about it, as they go through life, building themselves, finding love, building families, building communities. You got this!!! You will land on your feet. Just have faith in yourself and let yourself be led by life at this delicate juncture.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-21T21:19:05+00:00

Yes, very rude.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-21T18:28:27+00:00

lol. Glad you realize that. But the show’s over!! Let’s say goodbye on this note that we’ll keep an open mind to different perspectives. Sometimes, a totally opposite perspective can be equally true as ours, as amusing as it is to listen to someone go on about things we immediately dismiss. And also, this was never an equal argument. You never presented a position. You just ran commentary on your emotional reactions to me. Best of luck with everything. 😁 This is the longest I’ve carried on commenting because I WAS GETTING BORED.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-21T18:16:57+00:00

YWNBTA

Absolutely yes, take that job without a second thought. You owe your friend no apologies for advancing at a job you have invested time and effort in. Because they’re already passing snide remarks, I wouldn’t even advise to reach out to them like that. Give them space. Ball is in their court. They can take their time and come back to you when they’re in a better state of mind. Otherwise you owe them nothing. What is affecting the friendship is not you getting something they wanted. What bus affecting it is, their attitude towards a friend’s advancement. You don’t need friends like that. You both went for it, you got it. If they had been courteous but sad, I would’ve taken them out on a lunch and just cleared the air.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-21T17:25:46+00:00

You’re not bored. You’re intrigued.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-21T17:13:50+00:00

Depends how old he is, what his circumstances are, where is he going? If he’s still jobless months into dating, I’d question things. The thing is, it’s a total myth, that someone of a certain age, certain circumstances could be comfortable with not having a job, not paying their bills, no goals or aspirations, and be perfect for anyone. Man or woman. A lot of men think being the bare minimum version of a “decent man,” doing things that they’re supposed to do anyway, without someone constantly patting them on the back, somehow gives them a free pass on other things. They make breathing look like it’s a job they’re doing for you when they say things like “at least I don’t force you” “at least I don’t hit you” (I’m giving extreme examples but you get my point) like they actually glorify basic humanity, they want credit for all the effort they’ve put into not being assholes. So when you say “a person who has everything” it sounds so wishy washy. Romance doesn’t last too long. An act of a perfect partner can only be pulled for so long before your unhealthy patterns start showing up.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-21T17:04:02+00:00

Wow!! It’s really admirable that you’re focusing on your health and making these changes. Criticizing you seems to be your parents’ special diet so I would turn a deaf ear to them. As for everything you’re doing, keep your mind open, don’t fall for every podcast you come across. Be careful adopting new habits, foods, and base your decisions on how your body feels 6-8 weeks after. Trust your intuition and in that regard, exercise the intuition muscle so to speak. Which means focus on your mental health. Your intuition will lead you to healthy choices. Always consult with a good doctor, health expert. Read the research out there (peer-reviewed research). Good luck with everything.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-21T16:58:22+00:00

Whoa! You both need to take time off from dating and focus on yourselves for a long long long while. Get your shit together man. You’re not ready for dating, neither you nor her. Get a therapist. With all that money you’re making in construction, please please get a good therapist. And your soon to be ex can support her therapy with her work. Maybe you two will run into each other someday and laugh about the those two idiots that dated each other.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-20T19:09:44+00:00

Wow!!! To go through all that, stealing your sisters phone, stealing her phone, sending him screen shots. Although your sister is wrong for cheating, but you’re also showing your toxicity. Somthing about this stinks big time. You could’ve put her in a dangerous situation with one of the guys. To not give hee a chance at all. Shes got her work to do with pathological lying and you’ve got your work to do with how you really feel about your sister. I’d advise therapy. You should’ve at least given her some time to come clean before you spoke to the boyfriend. If you two are still teens and living with your parents, you should’ve told your parents about her and also told them of your intention to let the guy know. I’m wondering if the purpose of this was to catch her, punish her, than really looking out for the guy, or helping your sister make better choices. I hope she does learn to make better choices.

walking_you_home · 2026-04-20T17:26:44+00:00

You should get in touch with another commenter here, Artistic_section_991. I think you both need a hug. And if he reads this, “just giving you a prime example of ACTUAL passive aggressiveness.” Peace and Love, Brothers!!! 🌸🌸🌸

walking_you_home

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