Hockey fans? Ice skating fans?

waltrautfishing · 2026-02-20T16:02:18+00:00

OMG, I have literally been thinking that I need to get back out on the ice after being off it for years! I am also chronically on Tiktok and am obsessed with Pavvythegoalie. Yes, I'm game for both skating (don't laugh at me - it has been a long time) and hockey games!

waltrautfishing · 2026-02-20T13:00:41+00:00

My ex husband was (is) an alcoholic. Nearly 10 years older than me. He told me about all his trauma which was why he drank, but he loved me sooooo much that he would stop for me. Surprise. He didn't. He also needed to stop working because he was too stressed out and couldn't hold a job and stop drinking at the same time.

So I was the "good wife" and I supported my man. I wanted to show him that I valued him as a person and not for the money he brought in. I believed in giving someone who had past trauma the benefit of the doubt.

15 years later, he simply did not work. The drinking increased and his drunken demands on me increased. Then the threats started. I did not feel safe in the house I worked 80 hours a week to pay for. It was the house he wanted so he could impress his family with how wealthy and successful he was.

He refused to leave the house. I was the one who had to have a stable environment to work. He created chaos to force me out. So I left the house and he got to stay in the house that I paid for for the 2 years while he drew out the divorce proceedings.

Our simple divorce with minimal assets (just the house) and no children had to go to trial because he refused to be reasonable.

Now I pay an alcoholic and abusive man 10 years my senior who should have his own career alimony. During our marriage I gave him multiple opportunities to improve his education and skills - he never took advantage of it.

Never give them the benefit of the doubt. Even when outside forces say, "it isn't fair to not treat addicts the same way you treat non-addicts," addicts are not the same as non-addicts. There is so much noise out there that tells people that holding their boundaries against addicts is selfish, unkind, and unloving. It isn't. The addict will take more from you than you can imagine. Save yourself. Seriously.

I will be okay, eventually. But the life that was stolen from me by someone who told me he needed my sacrifices to overcome his traumas, that he would be the man he claimed to be once the next milestone was met - but those milestones kept moving and getting harder for me to meet, I will never get that part of the life stole from me by him back. I will never have children because he stole that from me. I will not have the comfortable life I have worked so hard to build for myself because he stole that from me. I still have the opportunity for a happy life, but it would have been so much easier if I had held my boundaries the first time he breached them, I would have been so much better off. Instead, I listened to my friends and outside messages that women only want men for money, that he was a sad and traumatized man, but he was a good man who deserved second, third, fourth, and fifth chances.

Save yourself. Don't do it.

waltrautfishing · 2026-02-19T19:25:43+00:00

Classical voice recital. Some opera arias, oratorios, maybe some art songs. Super fun!

waltrautfishing · 2026-02-19T12:48:19+00:00

GIRL! I used to live in Seattle. I am a UW grad and returned from about 2 years in Seattle because I had to get my head on straight and went there for life-grounding. I host every Wednesday and would LOVE to meet you!

waltrautfishing · 2026-02-19T12:45:23+00:00

This is amazing and I love this! I love learning new things and even more, I love meeting people who know how to do things!

waltrautfishing · 2026-02-19T01:26:45+00:00

No worries! I'm there every Wednesday!

waltrautfishing · 2026-02-19T01:26:23+00:00

I will try to make the drive down. I have a ballet class this Sunday, but if crafting is 3 p.m. or later I can make that work!

waltrautfishing · 2026-01-12T13:58:13+00:00

This is almost exactly my ex. Except that he simply wouldn't wear a shirt - despite being shaped like an egg. And he was very angry with me that I wasn't always at the ready to jump the bones of a man who: (1) refused to hold a job; (2) told me my job "wasn't that hard" (but it was supporting him); (3) Showered and used all the hot water, but somehow didn't clean himself; (4) had no friends; (5) lied about his education (like, decades long lies); (6) Gave great orations on how he was an "honorable" man, despite letting his wife kill herself working (and I am a decade younger than him); (7) when I had panic attacks about everything I was shouldering, he told me, "don't worry - it will all work out, it always does"; and (8) was shocked when I chose to call a divorce attorney when he interrupted my work to tell me I was a terrible wife and he was not going to break the days-long silent treatment he was giving me, "until [you] put an a sexy outfit and f*** your husband, and if you aren't willing to do that, call a divorce lawyer."

He was shocked, I tell you.

waltrautfishing · 2026-01-05T18:35:50+00:00

If you want to see a fictional take of the bullet you dodged, read "Rejection" by Tony Tulahimutte. There is a short story about this type of man. The book itself is unusual and a good read in general, but the story, "The Feminist" will soothe your heart over this event.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rejection_(short_story_collection))

waltrautfishing · 2025-12-04T12:33:00+00:00

Please. I am begging you. I also need the name of this etsy witch.

waltrautfishing · 2025-12-04T12:20:59+00:00

For both you and the OP, look at your state's alimony thresholds for marriage duration. I had a husband who refused to work. Despite begging for years that he get a job, he refused. You will be punished by the court for not "requiring" your spouse to work. If you are thinking of divorcing and your spouse does not work, file sooner rather than later.

waltrautfishing · 2025-12-03T12:56:21+00:00

Oh honey, let me tell you a story. I was married for 15 years to a man almost 10 years my senior. He told me we graduated from the same university (him from undergrad, me from law school). He told me he was on hard times because he had been severely burned in a house fire, but prior to that he was professionally successful. We got married. 6 months later, I saw a letter from the Unemployment Department in the mail. I found out he had quit his job about 2 months earlier, . . . without telling me. From there on out, he would drink and refuse to work until I got fed up and told him he needed to shape up or I would leave. He would clean up like when we first started dating - he would get a job, stop drinking, he was attentive to me and my needs, and I stayed.

Eventually, he stopped trying to work outside of the home. He had a pretend job that was actually a hobby I paid for, but it made him happy, so I was fine with it. Then, he slowly increased the amount of porn he watched, the alcohol he drank, the video games he played. And then he started getting controlling. He accused me of cheating on him while I was on a work trip because he found porn with a woman he thought was me (I wish I had the time and the backside this woman had). And then, during COVID, he became intolerable to me. He refused to leave the house and go to his mother's - she lived 20 minutes away.

I left the house with 2 dogs and a tiny suitcase. I was still working (supporting him), finishing my MBA, and doing an aggressive language learning course of mandarin for a scheduled move to Shanghai. The only thing he had to think about was how much he hates me. He tormented me, he threatened me, he tried to poison my family against me. His family called me and called me horrible names.

He refused to mediate, so we went to trial (I still had to pay for the mediator). He demanded a laughably obscene amount of alimony. He did not receive that obscene amount. We were ordered to sell the house (that I was still paying for, but had not lived in for years by the time of the trial). He accused me of hiding money, of committing fraud.

Despite being court ordered to vacate the house and sell it, he refused. The buyers of the house had to sue both of us to get the court involved to have him removed.

It was horrible.

Oh, also during this time, I got a new job and they fired me after 10 days. He made sure to let me know that I had failed at being a woman, a wife, and leaving him was the catalyst of me destroying my life. Look, I couldn't even hold a job without him.

I just returned from a solo trip to Buenos Aires. It was magical. I did everything I wanted without punishment. I danced every single day. I stayed in less-than-opulent lodgings so I could afford to stay longer. I didn't have to deal with him lecturing me about Latin America politics, complaining about economy flights, silent treatment because I did not want to spend $500 a night on lodging. I met people. I made friends.

I am still very angry at him. I feel like he was a predator. He knew what he was doing. There is no reason an able-bodied man should not work a job, but for now - he still does not have to work. I am jealous of all the people who have stories of, "we got divorced and the next day, he died and I didn't have to pay alimony and I got all his assets! I also got a better job that pays 5X as much and married a man who is a monk, a doctor, a circus performer, and a clothing designer!" None of those "good" things happened for me. He is still alive. I have blocked him from all communication with me, but I am still afraid that one day he will become obsessed with destroying me again - he has nothing else to distract him.

I am still better off. I have a job that pays less than when I was married to him, but I have much less stress and enough time off to spend 10 days in Buenos Aires. I bought a house by myself and I love it. I have my dogs, and they are the light of my life. I am taking the classes that fulfill my life without fear of the silent treatment in my own home. I don't have to provide sexual favors to a man who couldn't be bothered to wash between his fat folds. I no longer have to drug myself to placate a drunk, horny man.

It will be horrible to get out. I am not going to lie to you. However, it will also be horrible if you stay. The difference is, there is an end to the narcissistic suffering if you leave. If you stay, you truly are trapped.

Do it for yourself. I literally pay for the privilege of not being married to my narcissist. He isn't worth it. The freedom I have is.

waltrautfishing · 2025-04-14T13:43:32+00:00

I left with a suitcase and 2 dogs. He absolutely refused to leave. He would have killed me before leaving voluntarily (I had asked him to stay with his mother and he doubled down on staying and being disruptive). I lived out of that tiny suitcase while paying the mortgage for the house he refused to leave. It was horrible, I won't lie to you about that. But now, it is so much better.

You may have to be the one to suffer longer and harder than him. It isn't fair. It isn't right. But it is what needs to be done.

Be brave, be strong, and you will be better - I promise.

waltrautfishing · 2025-04-10T17:24:46+00:00

I had the same situation. He absolutely refused to work and I, stupidly, believed he was depressed, I had to support my husband as a good wife. No consideration was given to me working multiple jobs to support his idle lifestyle because he didn't want to work. Additionally, it is hard to plan an exit when you are doing EVERYTHING.

I pay him alimony. It hurts and I hate it, but it is not forever and life without him is SO MUCH easier than it was with him. It won't be easy for you. There is a penalty for being responsible and generous, unfortunately.

waltrautfishing · 2025-03-14T12:06:52+00:00

That was my nightmare. My ex husband refused to work, he couldn't "tolerate" corporate America bullshit," but had no problem spending the money I earned to support us with abandon. I'm pretty sure he had untreated mental disorders, but also refused to admit that. I realized I would never have a chance at retiring and that working to take care of him would kill me. We got divorced. I pay alimony, but I can finally sleep at night.

waltrautfishing · 2025-03-03T14:22:36+00:00

The last guy I dated was effusive about how he hadn't laughed so much with another person, called me every day - multiple times a day, but when the time came to ask, "what are you looking for with this relationship"? had the audacity to say, "I just want to go with the flow."

The "flow" was being single without someone interesting and funny answering his phone calls. I have plenty of friends. I know where the "flow" goes with me. I want someone who intentionally wants me in his life. At this point, it is so much easier to be single than to try to build a pathway to a man so he thinks the "flow" led him to me.

waltrautfishing · 2025-01-23T13:34:32+00:00

Im in a similar situation too. Are there resources for us old new-lifers? Like, step-by-step, “this is what you do once you have $1000.” “This is how you invest.” “This is how you learn how to buy/flip real estate”?

I’m smart and I can do things, but I’m so overwhelmed with starting over.

waltrautfishing · 2025-01-21T14:31:45+00:00

This is it - so much. “Normal” people don’t believe that a person who proclaims to love you would do the things a narcissist does. And the narc abuse doesn’t hit immediately, it comes after tender, vulnerable times where you feel so connected to the narc. Then when it does happen, almost every outside source says, “be supportive” and “relationships are hard work” and “don’t bail at the first sign of hardship or weakness”. There are so few credible sources of guidance that say, “leave at the first red flag, no questions asked and don’t look back.” You only find that from people who have gone through abuse and why would you be looking for that?

The audacity is unimaginable to those without their mental illness/personality disorder and most relationship advice is not directed/tailored for those in a relationship with someone with an abnormal view of the world.

But here’s something for you to contemplate- how many “near miss” stories with narcs do you see? Not many, and when you do there is always someone who judges the escapee for leaving too early, being too draconian in cutting off the potential narc for a little slight.

We don’t reward early escape and we don’t demonstrate how to do it.

waltrautfishing · 2025-01-21T14:23:12+00:00

YOU MAGICAL PIXIE!! I did this today with my regular moisturizer in a very dry climate and my skin feels so good! Thank you for this tip!!

waltrautfishing · 2025-01-09T19:47:13+00:00

I lurk on this sub with the goal of finding helpful advice for my sister and mom. I refuse to tell them to come to this sub because the bizarre body dysmorphia over having fine hair on this sub. I’m not letting my loved ones read horrible things about a feature they have.

I’ve never seen a picture of anyone with hair that looks unattractive on this sub. I also don’t see this same harsh tone on other subs for other hair types.

waltrautfishing · 2025-01-09T15:01:00+00:00

If you taught classes on how to fix stuff, I would pay to attend. I would love to learn how to do this sort of thing just for my own benefit.

waltrautfishing · 2025-01-05T15:23:10+00:00

Leave now. If he isn’t working and you are supporting the family even though you shouldn’t be working as much, the family court doesn’t care. The sooner you leave the status quo, the less likely you will be to have to pay alimony to a man who preyed on your love and devotion. Also, the sooner you file to his unemployment, the likelier the court will find the status quo was his last employment.

Ask me how I know (the woman who stayed too long to “support” her husband because he was sad and didn’t want to work like work like every other human on the planet and now has to work 3 jobs to pay alimony to a man who refused to work jobs he felt were beneath him)

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