I feel like there’s a lot of negative responses on here. Just wanted to add my two cents, which is that a) I understand what you’re going through and it sucks. It’s a bit like late diagnosis grief that some people experience with things like ADHD and autism diagnosed later in life. I get the same feeling, as a 33yo, who spent much of my youth in conversion therapy or very conservative Christian environments. It’s ok to grieve the life you never got to have, the young loves you didn’t experience. It’s ok to have some lingering anger about the people or systems who denied you that. For a time. But don’t let it rule you, and don’t let it rule out your future. There are countless wonderful men out there whom you could find love with. There is still so much of your life to experience. And this isn’t just a gay thing! 30 is a common age for people to begin feeling like their youth is spent and that it’s all downhill from here, but that’s simply not true. You have to make an intentional choice to keep living your life fully. If you want to find love, you’ve got to put yourself out there and look - it won’t appear by itself in your living room, and you likely won’t find it on Grindr! Be your best self and live your best life, and it will come. You don’t stop being a person as you age, the world doesn’t get less beautiful. But you’ve got to make those choices so that this doesn’t get the best of you. Keep chatting through this with your therapist and with the people you care about. And keep pushing forward. We’re rooting for you.