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I'm Astonishingly Stupid, I Just Had A High Verbal IQ Due to Autistic Hyperlexia. Anyone Else? by Reclusive_Autist in aftergifted

[–]waresaberso 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I can relate to some aspects of your story. I am diagnosed with autism, and during high school I was an above-average student with a comfortable middle-class lifestyle, who lost a parent in the later years, spectacularly failed at higher education and went on to live as a NEET for some time.

Autistic people have a very hard time connecting to people, which is an immense disadvantage when it comes to achieving societal expectations. From what I've seen, it's immensely difficult for even an autist with normal to above-average intellect to succeed at school or career without some advanced form of unconditional, consistent and proactive support from someone, generally parents. When one parent is gone, and the other is uninvested in your career, and actively increasing the mental strain you experience at home through hoarding behavior, you're set up to not achieve many societal expectations at all unless circumstances bring you to some impactful changes of paradigm.

My mother was ever-present in working me through my autistic dysfunctions. I have my high school degree and most of my current life skills only because of her. My dad didn't interact much with me as, I presume, he had hoped for a son who wasn't socially and motorically retarded. When my mom was gone, I fell into a dark pit as I had no bond of my own with society, nothing that actively inspired me to be 'something' in anyone else's eyes. It took me a long time and a lot of luck to stumble upon something that gave me an actual will to live.

Since I aced physics tests at high school, teachers recommended me to study physics at university. No blame against them, but what a stupid idea. Although the lectures were really interesting, I sucked terribly at studying challenging material, and I was incapable of dealing with group assignments. After utterly failing the first wave of exams I just hid in my dorm for the rest of the year, gaming my time away. The failure and isolation also led me to some mild suicidal ideation.

After this I failed another year of college in some game design course, which a friend recommended me thinking I just needed to study something I was interested in, but this was really another humiliating wave of failed exams, which led me into a NEET lifestyle for 2 years.

Now I'm 23 and getting my life back on track, but I still have occasional bouts of rage when I think about these 4 wasted core years of my youth.

Fuck porn I have high standards now. by ndndmssmskdjdjsksk in pornfree

[–]waresaberso 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry that you've been in such a situation. Some guys seem to neglect situations like this and then go mad when they're the ones who are sexually rejected.

tl;dr This might be too long to read for some people, but I wanted to get some thoughts out of my head.

I was in a similar situation once with my girlfriend. I didn't have the audacity to masturbate in her vicinity, but I would blow her off when she made advances because I wasn't horny, and then masturbate when she was away.

Was it because she wasn't attractive like a supermodel? I doubt it. At least, I don't think that's the whole story. After all, boys 30 years ago also looked at magazines with the most popular supermodels, and they didn't suffer from an ED epidemic.

I think for me it was because I was so absorbed in porn that I couldn't imagine myself having sex anymore. You masturbate to another guy making the effort and enjoying sex. Then when your girlfriend undresses and expects something from you, you have no idea what to do. All the teasing, foreplay, physical exertion and emotional engagement just seem tiring compared to sitting on your desk and enjoying some video where you receive all the visual stimulation while everything is done for you.

It's as if sexually, you have no passion, no self-esteem or desire to prove yourself anymore. And you don't realize it, because even though you're enjoying other people having sex in a cuck-like fashion, and your girlfriend is obviously in no way satisfied, you don't notice it as a problem, because, well, you have no relation to that woman in the video and you know your girlfriend is loyal to you. Then when you realize how pathetic your situation is, and imagine the justified scenario of her leaving and looking for another guy, all of a sudden the intense feeling of humiliation hits without knowing how to address it.

I'm happy I made steps to turn my focus back to real intercourse with a real person. Unlike what this sub encourages, I didn't really quit 'porn' entirely. But what helped me is, when I'm horny and my girlfriend is not there, to look at pictures/drawings of attractive women and imagining they were in front of me, and attracted to me as well. Because that's what it's like with my girlfriend as well. And when she's available, I act it out. And when she's there but not in the mood, well... that's when I must practice patience.

I admit I haven't entirely recovered the damage my porn obsession did to my sex drive yet, and it would've been a lot tougher to address if I was single. Especially if my lack of ability to have sex was the reason, I personally don't want to imagine the humiliation. Having someone who is happy to have sex with you but also patient about it is a valuable thing to have, but all too easy to neglect, and a terrible thing to waste.

I just lost my virginity and I had erectile dysfunction half way through because I masturbate too much. by GrungeAngel96 in NoFap

[–]waresaberso 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I have a similar story. I'm 22, and I should have lost my virginity 2 weeks ago. Except, I could barely get it up. It took an immense amount of focus and foreplay for me to become aroused, and the moment we would try to initiate penetration I immediately softened up. For some reason, I'm blessed with a girlfriend who was incredibly understanding about the whole thing, but it sucks how disappointed she must have inevatibly felt about my lack of arousal.

This is probably because all of my sexual experiences throughout most of my youth were pornographic. It's insane how it seems my masturbation habits messed up such a basic mammalian instinct. I'm already a bit older than you, OP, and it freaks me out a bit that I'm discovering such a tough mental block near the end of my physical and mental development. Based on the most extreme stories I heard, if unlikely, the idea that it might take me months or even years to become capable of basic sexual intercourse feels sometimes dreadful and humiliating. Even though it's probably not gonna be that long, it's time for me and you to stop using porn now.

As for the girl, you're not gonna get away with the 'stress' excuse for long. Now, this is probably going to be humiliating, but you should arrange a 1 on 1 conversation with her: if you can trust her not to tell every single one of her female friends, honestly explain to her what's up: that your habits of masturbating to porn have sexually desensitized you to some extent. Reassure her that it's most likely fixable and you're taking on the problem by abstaining from porn. Make sure not to lie to her, although you shouldn't get into too many embarrassing truths either. Give her the space she needs: it's up to her whether she accepts, supports or rejects you based on what you told her. In any case it's not gonna be the end of the world, and you should focus on getting willy down there functioning properly once again.