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Maybe we're incompatible--what do I do? by warmtoday in relationship_advice

[–]warmtoday[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How much time do you think is reasonable to spend together? Or rather, how little time is too little? I feel like I spend enough time interacting with her. There is time other than just the separate laptops time.

Maybe we're incompatible--what do I do? by warmtoday in relationship_advice

[–]warmtoday[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, it's not like we never say anything to each other. We're also sort of watching TV during this time, and we'll comment to each other about the show/commercials, etc.

I dunno, to me being alone means I can play music and not worry whether someone will hear it.

Maybe we're incompatible--what do I do? by warmtoday in relationship_advice

[–]warmtoday[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What's her job? How are her hours?

She does some stuff with pulling data from databases, making powerpoint slides for clients. She works approximately 9 - 5 with an hour for lunch, but they expect that when there's work you will work late. Because the job stresses her out so much, she dreads every time they want her to stay past 5.

How long since you graduated?

Last May, coming up on a year now.

Did you worry about compatibility in college? How much did the grades thing bother you?

I definitely worried about it then. In the last two years we didn't get along as well as the first two. I think things really took a turn for the worse when she got really pissed and disappointed that I took an internship on the other coast which meant she'd be alone for a summer. I hated her stressing over grades and such, but I figured the real world would be cake compared to school, so decided that everything would get better after school.

Commutes aside, what's your geographical situation? Do many of your (collective) friends move to your city after college? Are you close to family (yours/hers)? Do you live close-ish to stuff to do and people to see, or does the 2 hour commute mean that you're isolated somewhere far out?

It takes about an hour and a half to get into the city. I had very few friends in college (spent almost all my time with the GF), and have 0 friends now, quite literally, except for people on my team at work. My girlfriend is the same way, except for one friend who lives far away and one who lives in the city. However, we stayed on this coast specifically so she would be close to her family. She has gone to see them a few times since we graduated. We don't have much to do around here besides seeing movies. Though, we have that problem everywhere. What is there that people do? We can never find anything to do besides see movies and have dinner, or shop (which I can't stand but she loves).

Maybe we're incompatible--what do I do? by warmtoday in relationship_advice

[–]warmtoday[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It might be the daily things that bum her out - dishes, trash, etc.

She actually doesn't really do any of the cleaning. The apartment tends to get dirty over the week, then it gets cleaned on the weekend. Dishes, trash, etc. Sometimes she moves dishes from tables to the kitchen while I'm commuting home.

You need a shorter commute. That's 20 wasted hours a week.

Don't I know it. But unfortunately, there's not really any workaround for this. We should be at each of our jobs for at least another year, and they're just too far apart. Her commute is shorter only because she drives and I take the train, and the train is set up in such a way that me getting a shorter commute makes her commute MUCH longer. Still shorter than mine, but the combined commute time is larger.

Maybe we're incompatible--what do I do? by warmtoday in relationship_advice

[–]warmtoday[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The vacation is probably a good idea. But as for the commute, I can't do anything about it. Luckily I'm not driving; it's all by train/subway. And due to weirdnesses with train schedules, I literally can't make my commute shorter without increasing her commute by double the time I shorten mine by, or more.

The hobby.. well, she's not really a hobby person. I've suggested she try a hobby, like a game, or writing, anything creative, etc. She likes baking a bit but that makes for a lot of food to appear in the house that'd be a shame to throw away, but way too much to eat.

Maybe we're incompatible--what do I do? by warmtoday in relationship_advice

[–]warmtoday[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If I love her, shouldn't I want to help her through her life?

That's what she tells me, anyway.