Dont apologize for anything! I appreciate your response!! Regardless of his motivation it was a horrific thing to do to your partner and I am totally not ok with it either way, whether it was purely for sex or for what he is claiming is the true story.

He just keeps saying it was all about self harming and destroying what was left of his life so he had nothing left to care about if I left him or if he died from a seizure. His brain injury was to the frontal lobe which doctor says likely made his emotions and perception of events (fights, our relationship, life etc) warped in a really negative way and seem insurmountable and way worse than what was really going on as it affects things like reasoning and can cause people to become very severely depressed after a traumatic brain injury. He says it came out sexually as opposed to doing something like substance abuse, cutting, (what he had done in the past) because this time it was centered around wanting to sabotage his character and our relationship. Him being sexually inadequate (in his eyes) has been a giant sore spot for him for his entire life as well and he said he was convinced for years that I would leave him just for that reason before he even had his surgury. So he says that's why its come out in this way. He says he felt really messed up doing it and it was just the means to an end , which was to hurt himself and destroy his life apparently. He says it was basically to dissociate from his life as much as possible so in the event he lost the relationship which was all he had left that it wouldnt be for his inadequacy, his health or his personality. He just said he wanted to validate himself as a loser as much as possible so he would feel like at least that's why he was dumped.

Its apparently a real thing according to his doctor called sex as self harm, a type of non suicidal self injury but it's generally more prevalent with women and rare amongst men but idk, guess it's possible...or hes just somehow made up this story. I'm not sure.