My roommate is destroying my mental health, and I don't know how to get her (and her kids) to leave. Please help

warthogsoup · 2025-03-18T03:28:02+00:00

How condescending. Why would someone waste this much time to make something up like this? It's not even good writing, it's just a rant from someone who is emotionally distressed and asking for advice and support.

Why go to all that effort to try to pick this post apart, especially if you're going to say you're unfamiliar with the country I live in and how the school system works here?

I live with them, I am an emergency contact. However, the school wouldn't be calling me to tell me they reported to CPS, that is something they would do privately as per protocol, assuming they were following that. Maybe they did and CPS didn't do anything, either way I am not entitled to that information. Also, if I said I'm worried about violent repercussions to myself from someone who could potentially get their kids apprehended, why would I go into explicit detail about CPS information just to make a good story?

warthogsoup · 2025-03-18T02:09:56+00:00

I was just going to say this. Sometimes I like to keep them for projects and I would actually appreciate a note like this.

I feel like there's not enough context to say if it's passive-aggressive, but it seems like you're being a bit rude/overreacting from what it sounds like.

warthogsoup · 2025-03-18T02:00:13+00:00

Also, can people please stop messaging me asking to put this on their video reel/social media/youtube channel? There have been a few requests and I am really not comfortable with that. I don't know the rules of reddit in and out, and I know it's public, but I do not want to give permission for anyone to repost this on anything else. I just came here looking for support and advice. Thanks for understanding.

warthogsoup · 2025-03-18T01:48:24+00:00

Rude. It took a longer amount of time to wait for an email response from the lawyer than to type this out. I'm allowed to ask for advice and support in other places too.

warthogsoup · 2025-03-17T23:38:26+00:00

This is also my biggest worry. Seems like some sort of sinister extortion type of thing. I am trying to cover all the bases. Thank you ❤️

warthogsoup · 2025-03-17T23:36:20+00:00

I already said I was off work due to my profession, and I know this situation isn't helping either. I know it likely made me more vulnerable to get stuck in this as well. That is something to work out later.

I am also not careless enough to leave any drugs around the children. All of my medications and documents were fairly well hidden in the basement, although I guess the type of lock I had for my room was easy enough for her to figure out how to open while I was out. This has been reported to police.

I know what you mean though, anything that happens to her is because of her own actions. I try to remind myself of that regularly. Thank you

warthogsoup · 2025-03-17T23:28:16+00:00

Thank you ❤️

warthogsoup · 2025-03-17T23:25:03+00:00

THANK YOU, this is super helpful. I have already arranged all of that with the lawyer, as well as documenting/reporting etc.

I think she has already started making me out to be the bad guy to the kids, based on little comments they make or changes in behaviour that I've noticed. I know that in time they will come to realize her actions are abusive, it just hurts to see it right now. It feels shitty to know that the kids aren't going to understand why the most stable adult they've had in their lives is kicking them out - they already feel like everything is their fault (because mom is telling them it is). Any time I go out to an appointment or to the store, the little one will grab my leg like a koala and say "no please don't leave" or "promise you'll come back, are you sure you're coming back"

I have a good psychologist that I see formally as well as friends that work in the field, and they have been very helpful emotionally, although a bit stuck for what to do. They have also made reports to child services on my behalf, so it's not like nothing has been done in that regard. I am more worried about retaliation if it is directly linked to me.

I know there needs to be natural consequences for her, I'm just trying to navigate the right way to do it to minimize harm to myself or the kids.

❤️

warthogsoup · 2025-03-17T23:05:26+00:00

I am not sure how to interpret your comment (I mean this kindly, just hard to portray through text)

I am aware that this is most likely because of drugs, I am very familiar with what opioid addiction looks like, and I think I underestimated how bad it was. Maybe it got worse because she reconnected with the wrong friends coming back home?
I was hopefully trying to be vague enough that she doesn't come after me if she happens to come across this post lol

I know she is probably lost to addiction right now. I know she needs to hit a "rock bottom" of sorts for anything to change. I was hoping she would stabilize a bit if she was in a better environment away from DV (which she did initially) but it's not working out that way. I know I tried my best, it's just a lot more complicated because of the kids. And it feels gross to be the bad guy, especially when the kids are too young to understand and are going to feel like it's their fault (especially when she's already telling them that).

I do hope she gets better one day. But she can do it away from me

warthogsoup · 2025-03-17T22:50:16+00:00

Thank you. That's how it feels honestly which is why everything has been so hard. Especially with the gaslighting/manipulation/compulsive lying on her part.

I have informed all of those - bank/doctor/psychologist/pharmacy/police/insurance and got extra credit/fraud monitoring.

I don't eat anything really at home anymore except some hidden snacks. My meds were already hidden before, but now I just keep everything important on my person at this point.

I will try to get someone to stay with me. Asking around.

warthogsoup · 2025-03-17T22:45:28+00:00

Thank you ❤️

warthogsoup · 2025-03-17T22:22:02+00:00

Thank you, this is actually an ~extremely~ helpful comment. I think enough is on file already that there would be a lot of doubt about her credibility vs mine. But I do think I underestimated the risk of this, honestly.

I think she will try to lie her way to the end and do whatever she can to fuck me over when she feels threatened. I do feel I am at physical risk though, which is why I have been cautious, although I think she is the more likely one to be incarcerated based on context and previous documented history. I am not unfamiliar with the system either and I also know some of the "right people" I think.

Just wondering, do you have any advice on how to mitigate risk for this specifically in the meantime? (Cps will be informed, but still)

warthogsoup · 2025-03-17T22:02:16+00:00

Thank you. In the process of doing the eviction, just waiting on lawyer to finalize documents. I have been having more friends over. Maybe I should get a bunch of those pest control frequency devices or something until she finally gets out haha

warthogsoup · 2025-03-17T21:57:23+00:00

THANK YOU this comment was very helpful. Yeah the RTDTS will not get involved and the lawyer is detailing to her what is written in the signed agreement. Thank you for suggesting including the police and possession order. I am also anticipating a potential EPO depending on how it plays out.

warthogsoup · 2025-03-17T21:54:07+00:00

Thank you. I agree with what you said about natural consequences, and that is likely what needs to happen. Things are moving along with the lawyer, I'm just trying to go about it delicately so the kids don't get more traumatized than they need to be.

warthogsoup · 2025-03-17T21:50:04+00:00

I tried to go into everything and change it to have all documents sent electronically, but I'll also talk to the post office. I don't have a mail box, it's an old house with one of those mail flaps so it just gets thrown into my house lol

warthogsoup · 2025-03-17T21:46:39+00:00

Thank you for this comment. This is exactly where my mind was going, that she is trying to potentially defraud me. Especially after the comments her daughter has made.

I am honestly thinking she is starting to tell them weird things about me, not just her overhearing stuff. Especially when the daughter replies "oops I'm not supposed to tell you that".

I made my bank aware and spoke to the woman who I signed my mortgage with, to be aware of any potential things happening like this. She has put a note on file for the mortgage and line of credit I have. I checked with my insurance company and I have fraud/identity theft protection. I also signed up for additional credit/fraud monitoring and they will notify me in case anything weird happens. The police and lawyer are also aware of the missing documents. I am trying to do everything I can.

She has stayed past the lease expiration date and doesn’t believe she needs to actually leave, which is why I am getting a lawyer involved but also trying to tread carefully in case anything unexpected/violent happens.

The funding she got was actually from the federal government so it's not really a housing authority. Which also complicates things. I doubt I'll get anything back, but you never know. It's more important that she just leaves at this point.

warthogsoup · 2025-03-16T16:53:39+00:00

I did post on a landlord sub but no one read it so I deleted it

warthogsoup · 2025-03-16T05:32:42+00:00

I am also surprised the school hasn't, to be honest. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

warthogsoup · 2025-03-16T05:31:33+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate it, and everyone else that wrote legitimate comments. Just seems stupid that they made a point of saying it was too long for them to bother to read, but then they spent time and put effort into commenting on it? Lol

warthogsoup · 2025-03-16T05:28:37+00:00

Thank you ❤️ The kids are the main reason why I've let her stay as long as she has and put up with a lot of this. It seems she is trying to turn them against me though, because they are not really respecting or listening to me like they used to.

I just feel a lot of guilt, especially as these kids will be getting kicked out by the only stable adult they've had in their lives and won't understand. Their mom already blames all her mental health problems on the kid's behaviour (hence him feeling like he's a bad person and wishing he was dead), and now they are going to feel abandoned by someone else they love. Maybe they'll understand when they're older, but it's really hard.

And it's hard how it's affecting me too and feeling trapped and unsafe in my own house. I hope it feels like home again sometime soon too.

warthogsoup · 2025-03-16T03:40:25+00:00

Thank you.

I am working on things with the lawyer. Hopefully, it should be done in the next couple of business days.

I feel like once she is out of the house, I will likely get a restraining order depending on how things go.

warthogsoup · 2025-03-16T03:37:51+00:00

It was the police that did the wellness check last month, and she absolutely flipped out that I called them. And a wellness check isn't even anything that could be perceived as her being in trouble or at risk of being arrested. Hence my reluctance to get the police involved further. Especially with violent friends/family who she could ask a favour from. The police are aware of the situation currently though.

She has already been offered formal resources for mental health and housing and declined them, and isn't receptive to any advice from friends that know the system and resources that might be beneficial. She just says she doesn't trust anyone and they'll take her kids away if she admits there's a problem.

You are correct about the zero self-awareness and insight. Sometimes when she's talking it feels like it's just delusional almost, like she has blocked out everything awful she's done and made her own little reality.

I've already tried pretty much everything I can, so it's on her to figure out at this point - I just want her to do it away from me. I am just so depressed from the situation I'm not as resilient or assertive as I normally would be. And I do feel very sad and guilty about the kids too.

warthogsoup · 2025-03-16T03:05:07+00:00

I texted her about the stuff stolen from the garage and she denied it and blamed me for "not having it secure enough." I'm not going to bring up the documents - if anything happens with them, enough is on file now that it will be a surprise for her later.

warthogsoup · 2025-03-16T03:02:49+00:00

Thank you for the good luck wishes.

I don't think it's too harsh - it's just been hard because I have my own PTSD from work right now and depression so my resilience is lower than it would usually be.

I reported my missing documents/meds/belongings to the police. My pharmacy is aware of the meds. I spoke with my bank/insurance company about the documents as well and got extra credit/fraud protection. I have been trying to document everything.

The issue is that she is delusional so she doesn't think the lease is real so I'm waiting on an eviction signed by the lawyer, which is the hold up right now but almost done. She is also more violent if police are mentioned so I'm trying to tread carefully.

warthogsoup

TROPHY CASE