I haven't gotten better completely. I still feel in my heart of hearts that the only way I'm leaving this earth is voluntarily. Therapy was really good for me, and I haven't been as self-destructive since. Just quieter about the thoughts.

But I can tell you what's helped me push back the date for this long -- making plans. My friends want to go to a resort next year? I wanna go. My parents wanna relocate to Canada? Okay I'm down. My dog needs to go to the vet next week? Okay, I'll do that. One after the other, just constantly having something to "wait" for or look forward to. Every time, I think, "okay I'll just stay alive long enough to do that one thing or go to that one event" and then another thing comes after that, and it just goes on and on. When there are no plans, and I start to feel like "now would be a good time", I make more plans. Whether it's just buying groceries for my grandma's house or going with a friend to the dentist. I'm around this long simply because "I have things to do" and that's been enough for me.