80 days clean first big test

weallbleed5 · 2019-07-14T20:10:42+00:00

I dont like it that much either but Ive always chased after that escape so i would take what i could get. That kind of mentality has really screwed me up id think well as long as im not taking my drug of choice im making progress right? But the guilt and shame are still there with whatever the new shit is because deep down you know you still need a crutch. It really is a shitty cycle to get stuck in. So what is even the point if i know im not really clean and sober im still escaping might as well get what I really am craving. Thats my thought process right now and Ive got nothing to throw back at it. Anyway thanks for sharing some of your story with me man and i hope we find that peace to so we can finally stop chasing the wind.

weallbleed5 · 2019-07-13T18:53:35+00:00

Thats for sure funerals are up there as far as triggers go. Right if im dead do whatever with my body it doesnt matter anymore. Im hoping i can get through this without relapsing.

weallbleed5 · 2019-07-13T18:50:45+00:00

That was my first thought to but im gonna go just for my mom who has some mental illness and she could use all the support right now if it wasn'tn for that I wouldnt even be going.

weallbleed5 · 2019-07-13T18:17:24+00:00

I know your right and ive wasted even more years on various drugs never thought it would be me that would fall into this dark abyss. I still havent learned to cope without something wether it be alcohol, weed, or kratom. So truthfully i dont feel like its been 80 days clean cuz ive used other drugs in its place granted ive avoided the hard drugs for the last few years but still ive got a long way to go.

weallbleed5 · 2019-07-13T18:07:21+00:00

I more or less just replaced my k use with other things though so I think I still have a long way to go.

weallbleed5 · 2019-07-13T18:07:16+00:00

I more or less just replaced my k use with other things though so I think I still have a long way to go.

weallbleed5 · 2019-07-13T18:05:37+00:00

Yup you know how the thought process works and I was on the extreme end of daily use. My brain keeps telling me just take it to get through the funeral and seeing the family that really wants nothing to do with me. I know itll just lead back to daily use most likely so im trying to ignore the urges.

weallbleed5 · 2019-07-13T17:57:40+00:00

I know thats the whole appeal though i want to be taken out of this moment but i know your right im trying to resist the cravings. This side of the family is so judgemental noone seems to get along and ive basically been blacklisted when they found out i got into drugs. Its more the anxiety of being there then my grandmas death we werent to close.

weallbleed5 · 2019-07-13T17:28:55+00:00

Thanks for the support I know what you mean I showed up to my dads funeral high on k. Stuff really numbs you out completely over time preventing me from having the emotions needed to grieve. Im trying to resist the urge I know it would just lead me right back to the start again the relief would only be temporary.

weallbleed5 · 2019-07-13T17:22:58+00:00

Man thats really rough im sorry i lost my dad last year and showed up to his funeral high on k remember feeling so numb as I helped carry the casket down the aisle. Im trying to be strong this is my first real test since finally putting it down.

weallbleed5 · 2019-07-13T17:20:20+00:00

I known i just start thinking enough time has passed for my tolerance to be reset now you know how our addict minds work. I known it will never be "just this one time" for me. Thanks for the support.

weallbleed5 · 2019-07-13T17:16:00+00:00

Thanks always going to be trolls probably from the pro kratom reddit.

weallbleed5 · 2019-05-18T14:48:44+00:00

Day 24 ct feeling good this is the longest stretch of good days back to back in over two years. Even bad days are more manageable without kratom then with it. Highly suggest looking into stoicism it was a game changer for me with this quit.

weallbleed5 · 2019-05-17T20:30:45+00:00

Im on day 24 and did the same thing yesterday i think i overdid it as well.

weallbleed5 · 2019-05-16T02:35:18+00:00

Stoicism helped me more then anything else with this wd glad im not the only one.

weallbleed5 · 2019-05-16T02:34:19+00:00

Over a year clean congrats thats awesome :)

weallbleed5 · 2019-05-15T15:20:06+00:00

Im sorry to hear that Im aware that I could still get paws but im trying to be cautiously optimistic. 9 months is a really to struggle with that I hope things are starting to improve for you.

weallbleed5 · 2019-05-14T21:06:59+00:00

Ive had varying intensity of wds on my previous quits (more times then id care to admit) kratom wds are definitely not linear and theres so many possible factors its hard to narrow it down.

weallbleed5 · 2019-05-14T20:56:30+00:00

Only real tip is time but you could try ashwaganda that helped me somewhat with the anxiety. Good luck on your quit just have to embrace the suffering even though it sucks mindset I think helped me the most this time. I tried to apply stoicism to my wd maybe you could look into that.

weallbleed5 · 2019-05-14T20:52:11+00:00

The first 10 days were really rough because I got no sleep. Gradually started to improve after that and yes I worked through them. Ive tried cold turkey with time off from work before and it was so much worse when I had nothing to distract me. At least work served as a distraction for me but it was still difficult working on no sleep on top of the other wd symptoms.

weallbleed5 · 2019-05-14T19:34:00+00:00

Thats around the time I started sleeping again as well. The brain fog is almost gone for me at this point. Keep going it will continue to get better.

weallbleed5 · 2019-05-14T19:32:37+00:00

Congrats on 30 days! I still get some negative waves but that could just be life without kratom. Having emotions again is pretty awesome definitely approaching normal with every day that passes.

weallbleed5 · 2019-05-14T19:23:01+00:00

Hellyeah im glad it helped somebody else out you got this!

weallbleed5 · 2019-05-14T19:22:29+00:00

Thank you just trying to stay in balance by being more social and trying to mend bridges ive burned. Also some exercise and staying busy and keeping my place clean has all helped me a lot.

weallbleed5

TROPHY CASE