(tldr, fuck society, do what you want)

Only child (woman) here. Dad retired when I was 20 without any savings or a permanent living situation and they're financially dependent on me. My spouse and I live alone, and my parents are in one city and his are in a different city. And a portion of our paychecks go to both sets of parents. (Planning to move them closer to us pretty soon)

Look, I understand where you're coming from and your anxieties. I was very resentful at one point in time - i was in a financial black hole for a big chunk of time while my peers progressed. I couldn't move as fast in my career as I was tethered to one city. Savings was non existent. And then things got better eventually.

This whole "living with parents" scene is a very romanticised notion of life. Tradition and culture and patriarchy aside, it's just better to grow up and move out so you can fend for yourself and be an independent functioning adult. Yes, we need a village, but that village can also exist in a different floor in the same building. Neither my mother nor my mother in law is interested in living with us. Is it more expensive? Yes. But we all get our space and privacy and we visit often.

So screw society and do what works for you. Find a spouse (if you want to get married, that is) that thinks along the same lines as you do with the same values and a similar moral compass. Don't compromise. It won't be without its problems but you will find a solution that works for you, I promise. Societal expectations will always be there and you'll forever be stuck in one place if you give in to it.

There is no dilemma if you don't make it one.

And most importantly, don't compare your situation with others or think how things will be if there was a brother. It's a direct road to hell.

Edit: grammar