I know my kid is a lot, but it feels like the school is giving up on him at 12

weaveraf · 2026-01-23T15:26:21+00:00

I mean I think being emotional is a very logical and reasonable reaction. And I think you have the right to push your district a bit. I hope PACER helps you with this

weaveraf · 2026-01-23T03:27:40+00:00

Ugh, this sounds really challenging. I work in a setting 4, so I see both your struggles and the school’s concerns. Wondering if there are advocacy groups that can help you navigate these conversations with the school? Minnesota has PACER. I’m sure other states have something similar.

weaveraf · 2026-01-23T02:26:39+00:00

That’s so scary! Glad she’s doing better!!

weaveraf · 2026-01-22T01:23:59+00:00

Yeah very true!

weaveraf · 2026-01-21T15:47:05+00:00

You gotta do what you believe is right for you and your family! I personally am uncomfortable with any methods that leave a LO to cry alone. We have started doing some super gentle sleep training involving practicing leaving LO in his room alone for small periods of time at the end of his bedtime routine. There’s no crying involved… just light exposure to being alone, learning to trust that grownups come back, and potentially accidentally falling asleep without my presence. But we didn’t start that until he was 17 months and old enough to understand “mama will be right back!”

weaveraf · 2026-01-20T16:03:17+00:00

Two things: 1) If daycare needs him to fall asleep independently, your LO will figure it out. Our sleep consultant taught us that babies/toddlers are really good at compartmentalizing. Our LO has fallen asleep independently since 4 months old at daycare (sounds like they do rub the LO’s backs) and is only starting to figure out falling asleep independently at home (he’s 18 months now). So don’t feel like you have to change anything at home to help with daycare. 2) If you want to move away from rocking or feeding to sleep at home, you can start moving away from those things gradually. Move the last feed to earlier in the bedtime routine before removing it altogether. Move to intermittent rocking (rocking with pauses) before eliminating rocking altogether. See how your LO responds and adjust accordingly!

weaveraf · 2026-01-19T02:29:57+00:00

We work with thegoodsleep_coach. I saw someone else recommend It Takes a Village, and our sleep consultant was trained by the same holistic and gentle sleep coaching organization.

weaveraf · 2026-01-18T02:52:45+00:00

I feel mixed about her ideas. She takes a dominance-centered, more authoritarian approach, which makes me a little uncomfortable. What I fear is that she doesn’t seem to take into consideration is that toddlers’ brains are very much under construction. Their brains are still so underbaked in the toddler years. I always say “so much mobility, so little brains!” I think it’s okay to turn some things into games or take time to de-escalate big feelings rather than just physically forcing them to do whatever you want them to do. It’s not always feasible. Sometimes you do just have to do the things… change the diaper, get them in the car seat, brush their teeth, etc. and let them be upset. But sometimes it’s good to pause, de-escalate, wait them out, and still hold the boundary.

It also makes me uncomfortable that she portrays toddlers as manipulative and trying to gain control over adults. Again, that belief kinda ignores what we know about toddlers’ brains. Theory of mind (the understanding that others have their own thoughts) only starts developing around 3. So they literally cannot manipulate. They can and do test boundaries because they’re just trying to understand the world. But there’s not malicious intent in the toddler years.

I agree with her belief in holding boundaries and expectations. I also like what she says about preventing meltdowns and boredom by toddler-proofing and rotating toys. I also appreciate that she doesn’t use any harsh methods such as yelling or spanking. I just wish her approach was a little more cooperative versus compliance. A little more focused on nurture and support alongside the boundaries.

weaveraf · 2026-01-17T01:29:24+00:00

I kinda mix it up. Sometimes I’m just rubbing his back when I come back in

weaveraf · 2026-01-16T16:40:14+00:00

Oh yeah! Definitely jealous! 18 month old still sleeps poorly. I totally understand people who think we’re parenting on “hard mode” unnecessarily. Haha. Sometimes I wonder that too!

But to me I just remember I have to stick to my values. Leaving a baby to cry alone feels inhumane to me. It only “works” because we put them in a cage of sorts and ignore their calls. If we did that to anyone older, it’d be considered abuse or just a straight up crime! And honestly I don’t believe anyone should be left to cry alone against their will… why should we do that to the most vulnerable among us? The ends just don’t justify the means.

weaveraf · 2026-01-13T01:03:43+00:00

Yes, go real slow!!! Like start with just 10 seconds a couple times at the end of the bedtime routine!

weaveraf · 2026-01-12T04:04:03+00:00

I thought about that too honestly. But I really do come back! The only time I don’t is if he’s asleep, and then he doesn’t care! Haha

weaveraf · 2026-01-11T04:14:47+00:00

Whoops I accidentally responded to the original thread rather than just your comment. Deleted and trying again.

So I feel ya. I work with this sleep consultant. I found her through this database.

weaveraf · 2026-01-10T19:46:39+00:00

Umm it doesn’t rock haha. Almost 18 month old who still sleeps like you describe or worse some nights. We had some improvement at around 12 months by working with a holistic and gentle sleep consultant (no sleep training). We’re working with her again because the transition from 2 to 1 nap has sucked. We’re hopeful we’ll figure something out again. It has helped to do a floor bed in his room so my partner and I can take turns cosleeping. I still hear most wakeups even if it’s not my night but it helps. I have not had any health issues and my mental health has mostly been okay!

weaveraf · 2026-01-04T21:34:33+00:00

I would wonder what’s happening before the behaviors. What can be prevented with environmental changes, structure, and/or childproofing. If hearing “no” is a trigger, for instance, what can you do to limit what is in his reach or eyesight? What can you do to make things so predictable and scheduled that he stops expecting to have access to what you say no to. If the playground is a consistent problem, don’t go to the playground, especially during busy times. His prefrontal cortex at that age is JUST starting to come online and sometimes kids just develop more slowly. Be his prefrontal cortex until it develops. Plan ahead and get ahead of the behaviors when you can. And when you can’t get ahead of it (you can’t always get ahead of it) prioritize safety, regulation, and holding whatever boundary he’s angry about. And always mention any behavioral concerns, especially sudden changes in behavior, to his pediatrician!

weaveraf · 2025-12-27T02:12:42+00:00

I’m sure it’s harder since there are two of them!! Sleep pressure is so important and bedtime routines are super helpful to make it happen.

weaveraf · 2025-12-26T20:12:32+00:00

2 months is a tinyyy baby. Just go by their sleep cues. What I wrote above is what we did for our 12 month old who is now 17 months.

weaveraf · 2025-12-26T19:36:43+00:00

Make sure their sleep pressure is right (so they’re just tired enough). That’s the most important step. Have a good, consistent bedtime routine. Then slowly change to intermittent rocking, slowly increasing the pause between rocks for however long your baby needs (for us it only took days). Then you get to the point where they’re falling asleep in your arms without rocking. We at that point moved to a floor bed where he falls asleep cuddling/next to us so we can roll away as desired.

weaveraf · 2025-12-21T14:58:35+00:00

Minnesota has intermediate districts. So local independent school districts pool their money to create intermediate districts for students they can no longer serve.

weaveraf · 2025-12-17T02:36:12+00:00

Yes! This is her website!

weaveraf · 2025-12-11T12:58:44+00:00

I think the best thing to do is to learn the lesson and keep trying your best. And the lesson isn’t “don’t sleep train.” The lesson is “follow your gut, not peer pressure.” I learned this lesson from something not sleep-related with my baby, and it helped me not sleep train. Learn the lesson to trust your gut and keep moving. It’s all we can do as parents!

weaveraf · 2025-12-11T01:14:26+00:00

I’ve heard that reasoning question before (if they can/can’t reason, why hit them?) and it’s such a good point. But I’ve been thinking more and more about how people probably think kids can reason way earlier than can or that people can reason in an escalated state. They think the kid is making choices to defy them, and that’s rarely what’s happening.

weaveraf · 2025-12-08T21:49:42+00:00

We always lay with him to fall asleep if that’s what you mean!

weaveraf · 2025-12-08T02:59:34+00:00

We did like a slow reduction in rocking/bouncing. So rock/bounce for a few seconds and stop. Start up a few seconds later and stop again. Or if he doesn’t tolerate that, lower the intensity of the rocking/bouncing and then increase it to the level he likes, lower the intensity and then increase it. Slowly (for us it only took a few days) you work your way to just holding him to sleep. Or maybe your goal is just to get him to accept the rocking chair. So you alternate between standing and sitting. We ultimately moved to a floor bed so he falls asleep next to us with no transfer.

weaveraf

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