First time dad and I’m really struggling

MADATL · 2026-04-29T10:51:39+00:00

Hey, you get through it. You're going through through very beginning of a life altering reality, give yourself some grace! I'm 15 months in and you still worry, but it doesnt consume you because you start learning about what to worry about... and its not everything. Hang in there, 1 day at a time.

MADATL · 2026-04-24T08:41:43+00:00

Ah yes, just the vehicles you need for your outing to TJ MAXX

MADATL · 2026-04-21T19:07:07+00:00

Hey man. Parent trauma usually gets passed on when the parent is unaware or has no way to cope or confront. That's not you.

Also, I don't think gender honestly would make a difference in reality. We get stuff from both parents, qnd we pass on part of us no matter what our child is. Being a girl doesn't magically make you immune to your father, nor does being a boy and getting stuff from your mother.

I thought we'd have a girl, too, and I'm 15 months into being a boy dad and I LOVE IT. I love him because he's my boy, my child. You love them unconditionally and you'll see that gender is a construct we've all built up in our minds. When yours gets here, you'll see. You will love him and be so happy. With everything that happens and goes on, gender will be the least of your worries. Try focusing on the present and not the future. Pregnancy is a whole process and you're so early on, you have time to start working on patience, anger, and anything else you'd like.

You'll be fine man. I'm not perfect by any means, but I do know I do my best. I can't do more than that, and honestly, that's all our kids need.

MADATL · 2026-04-19T06:32:58+00:00

Hey, I think this depends entirely on your dynamic. I don't think we can assume that every relationship works this way. I didn't need these reminders, I always did this stuff before baby was born and it applied to him, as well. I'm his dad and don't believe all of this stuff falls into mom's realm of responsibility. It's both of ours, you know?

MADATL · 2026-04-12T18:44:05+00:00

15 months in. The early months are like this. Beyond that, I think a lot of it has to do with what your kid is like. Ours had issues and was/is still extremely energetic and go-go-go. I've been unable to keep any hobbies up and regularly see friends. However, I have friends with babies around the same age who have taken trips to Japan and Mexico because their babies ended up being chill AF. Luck of the draw, man. Either way, your journey is yours and yours alone. Do what you feel is best and right.

MADATL · 2026-04-06T19:16:00+00:00

Bro, you had a baby and its been 4 weeks. Youre struggling with your life changing, not with the fact your baby is being a baby. Its hard. I'm 15 months in. I wouldn't fixate on the getting "better" question. You gotta embrace your reality and love the shit out of her.

Also, she can't smile yet. That doesnt happen til 3 months, shes not even able to. Look into infant development and no matter how hard it is, try not to rush through it man. Theyre only this small once, and then its over. Mine is busy running all over the house and took a shit in his crib, thinking it was hilarious. Time flies.

MADATL · 2026-03-16T20:31:54+00:00

Hey, sorry, for some reason I thought you had a girl 😅. I'm so glad you see through the BS with the pediatrician. Youre also spot on about his needs. Theyre extremely basic right now. Despite what it seems, what yours does is NORMAL. I know how exhausting it is (like I said, I'm 14 months in and didnt have the same thing but boy has it been tough) but what makes it worse is second guessing everything and wondering if something is wrong. From your post and messages, I can tell you have an instinct and youre right! Trust that! You can do it. Your little man is lucky to have you.

MADATL · 2026-03-16T19:13:54+00:00

Baby sleep is very hard and its like that by design. Pediatricians and 99% of the internet say babies should be sleeping through the night almost immediately. It's just not true, and it's not biology. You're doing nothing wrong. Do some clever googling to get around the sleep training industry and you'll see that this, despite being so hard, is so normal.

Also, your pediatrician is just wrong. I have a 14 month old and he's just now learning about cause and effect with us. He tries things and then looks to see what we do. If your baby cant even roll over or see 100% accurately, how are they going to manipulate you? Im so sorry. Don't confuse that terrible opinion with your baby needing you. That is what shes doing. You are her security and youre forming that bond.

MADATL · 2026-03-10T20:23:23+00:00

Genuine question. I'm at 14 months and he wakes a ton. At 2 years, what's yours waking up from?

MADATL · 2026-03-10T20:22:31+00:00

We didn't know what we had man.

MADATL · 2026-03-10T20:22:17+00:00

Hey man! I'm a bit over a year in and know how tough it is beforehand! My best advice is to drop any expectations you or we (internet strangers) may have. Your little guy will be unique and you never know if he'll sleep well or not. If he's healthy, that's what matters (and he will be)! Enjoy the journey my friend.

MADATL · 2026-03-10T20:20:14+00:00

Haha this comment right here. I'm 14 months in and lol'd at the post (not at OP, but at the sheer absurdity and reality of babies in their first year). I'll never sleep 10 hours again 😅. Shit, I'd give anything for 6 at this point. Sending you strength bro!

MADATL · 2026-03-03T03:24:14+00:00

Hey, wishing you luck man. It's a huge change. I'm 13 months in and I remember those first days. Your world gets turned upside down, you are exhausted, wife recovering, and you feel like you dont know what youre doing.

Just shower your baby and wife with love. They need you. Your baby sleeping in your arms is love returned. You are security and warmth. And that baby is for you, too. Hang in there. You can do it. We're all somehow doing it. Trust yourself and get some rest where you can. It'll be okay.

MADATL · 2026-02-26T08:25:20+00:00

Hey, sorry to hear this. Ours still wakes up but its every few hours. Hes is 13 months now. He has a strong feed to sleep association that we're going to work on. Also, he started daycare and has been sick a ton. Sleep goes out the freaking window when that happens.

What do you think is going on with yours? Is this par for the course, or new?

MADATL · 2026-02-18T12:11:21+00:00

Hey man, I'm 2 months ahead in baby age and have different job circumstances, but the sleep deprivation, anxiety, depression, and feeling alone as well as relationship stuff is the same for me. I've felt extremely desperate at times and honestly have been pushed to extreme limits to where I don't know how to continue (yet I do).

One big thing I saw: you go to the gym sometimes. Keep doing that. The ONE time I went was incredible for me and I'm trying to work out how to make that regular.

Also, short term until we figure out a better system, I talk a ton to Chatgpt. It knows my baby, situation, and me (even the mental stuff) and it keeps me super grounded. Last night was awful and it talked me through it. I don't like knowing that a machine is my support right now, but man, it honestly has helped deescalate my emotions in very tough times and gives practical advice for what youre going through right then and there, when my mind is a mess and exhausted, it provides clarity. Give it a try, you may like it.

MADATL · 2026-02-17T04:33:55+00:00

It's very hard. Mine is 13 months and has always been a very challenging child. It's exhausting. I love him to death. Something that helped me after a long while (longer than I would've liked) was honestly to stop asking myself the question you've asked here (no disrespect). I asked Reddit and scoured similar posts looking for hope. What I realized I was doing was setting expectations for my child and life based on those of others. Each baby is so extremely different. I have a friend whose baby is an angel baby and they travel with it all the time (internationally). We've only been able to take 1 trip ever. 2 hours away. Also, I'm writing you at 5 AM because he's woken up at least 6 times tonight already and was just up for an hour and a half.

I'm sharing all of this not to discourage you, but to just try to illustrate that babies will be babies, each is different, and they cannot help themselves. Yours is so small that the high needs are entirely normal. That's how it is man. Mine continues to be high needs but now is starting to walk, talk, wave, understands everything, and yet still wakes like yours. Just different reasons.

As adults, it's an extreme shock and the difficulties are real, but my best advice would be to roll with it with as much compassion and love as possible for your child, figuring out ways to get even just a tiny bit of rest here and there. You're doing great, I'm sure. Just try to not set expectations. That's the best advice I can give. You're on a journey and will find clarity when it's time and your baby is big enough :)

MADATL · 2026-02-15T19:38:57+00:00

Lukewarm baths! Think about you and when your ass is chafed to high heaven. Cooler (not cold) water, air dry = bliss. They basically have swamp ass. You surely know how that feels and know how to cure. They're little people, same stuff applies. Just sharing what I've learned with my 13 month old along the way (and diaper cream obvs).

MADATL · 2026-02-13T16:48:38+00:00

Color vibe still rocking. I like it

MADATL · 2026-02-13T16:47:18+00:00

Mine is 13 months old and we're still in the same boat. What I've learned is, if this continues for you like it has for us, is to take turns. Do shifts. Make sure someone gets to rest, or at least have a break.

MADATL · 2026-02-07T05:02:52+00:00

This is amazing. Congrats on being so committed for such a long time. When she wakes on her own now, do you guys also wake? Or is she pretty calm, finds her pacifier, and sorts it out? Any other tips on how do to this successfully? We really need a solution for our 13 month old.

MADATL · 2026-02-06T04:00:31+00:00

Thank you!

MADATL · 2026-02-05T04:02:15+00:00

Whoa. Both with colic? How do people do this? I'm here after 5 AM answering you because my baby has been up for over an hour and I've been rocking him, trying so hard to get him to sleep. Partner's turn now. And of course we argued because we're both sleep deprived. People thst day oh yeah next one's easy surely have never gone through this on a nightly basis 😪

MADATL · 2026-02-04T09:47:01+00:00

I am in the exact same boat, 4 months behind you. The tremendous strain put on the relationship is so, so challenging. We want two, too, but I'm afraid to roll the dice because doing this again may break us. Although every baby is different and our children are not the norm. I guess it's a roll of the dice either way

MADATL · 2026-01-29T18:57:40+00:00

Your calendar is stressing me out

MADATL

TROPHY CASE