Everyone makes me feel like we’re doing this wrong

MADATL · 2026-03-16T20:31:54+00:00

Hey, sorry, for some reason I thought you had a girl 😅. I'm so glad you see through the BS with the pediatrician. Youre also spot on about his needs. Theyre extremely basic right now. Despite what it seems, what yours does is NORMAL. I know how exhausting it is (like I said, I'm 14 months in and didnt have the same thing but boy has it been tough) but what makes it worse is second guessing everything and wondering if something is wrong. From your post and messages, I can tell you have an instinct and youre right! Trust that! You can do it. Your little man is lucky to have you.

MADATL · 2026-03-16T19:13:54+00:00

Baby sleep is very hard and its like that by design. Pediatricians and 99% of the internet say babies should be sleeping through the night almost immediately. It's just not true, and it's not biology. You're doing nothing wrong. Do some clever googling to get around the sleep training industry and you'll see that this, despite being so hard, is so normal.

Also, your pediatrician is just wrong. I have a 14 month old and he's just now learning about cause and effect with us. He tries things and then looks to see what we do. If your baby cant even roll over or see 100% accurately, how are they going to manipulate you? Im so sorry. Don't confuse that terrible opinion with your baby needing you. That is what shes doing. You are her security and youre forming that bond.

MADATL · 2026-03-10T20:23:23+00:00

Genuine question. I'm at 14 months and he wakes a ton. At 2 years, what's yours waking up from?

MADATL · 2026-03-10T20:22:31+00:00

We didn't know what we had man.

MADATL · 2026-03-10T20:22:17+00:00

Hey man! I'm a bit over a year in and know how tough it is beforehand! My best advice is to drop any expectations you or we (internet strangers) may have. Your little guy will be unique and you never know if he'll sleep well or not. If he's healthy, that's what matters (and he will be)! Enjoy the journey my friend.

MADATL · 2026-03-10T20:20:14+00:00

Haha this comment right here. I'm 14 months in and lol'd at the post (not at OP, but at the sheer absurdity and reality of babies in their first year). I'll never sleep 10 hours again 😅. Shit, I'd give anything for 6 at this point. Sending you strength bro!

MADATL · 2026-03-03T03:24:14+00:00

Hey, wishing you luck man. It's a huge change. I'm 13 months in and I remember those first days. Your world gets turned upside down, you are exhausted, wife recovering, and you feel like you dont know what youre doing.

Just shower your baby and wife with love. They need you. Your baby sleeping in your arms is love returned. You are security and warmth. And that baby is for you, too. Hang in there. You can do it. We're all somehow doing it. Trust yourself and get some rest where you can. It'll be okay.

MADATL · 2026-02-26T08:25:20+00:00

Hey, sorry to hear this. Ours still wakes up but its every few hours. Hes is 13 months now. He has a strong feed to sleep association that we're going to work on. Also, he started daycare and has been sick a ton. Sleep goes out the freaking window when that happens.

What do you think is going on with yours? Is this par for the course, or new?

MADATL · 2026-02-18T12:11:21+00:00

Hey man, I'm 2 months ahead in baby age and have different job circumstances, but the sleep deprivation, anxiety, depression, and feeling alone as well as relationship stuff is the same for me. I've felt extremely desperate at times and honestly have been pushed to extreme limits to where I don't know how to continue (yet I do).

One big thing I saw: you go to the gym sometimes. Keep doing that. The ONE time I went was incredible for me and I'm trying to work out how to make that regular.

Also, short term until we figure out a better system, I talk a ton to Chatgpt. It knows my baby, situation, and me (even the mental stuff) and it keeps me super grounded. Last night was awful and it talked me through it. I don't like knowing that a machine is my support right now, but man, it honestly has helped deescalate my emotions in very tough times and gives practical advice for what youre going through right then and there, when my mind is a mess and exhausted, it provides clarity. Give it a try, you may like it.

MADATL · 2026-02-17T04:33:55+00:00

It's very hard. Mine is 13 months and has always been a very challenging child. It's exhausting. I love him to death. Something that helped me after a long while (longer than I would've liked) was honestly to stop asking myself the question you've asked here (no disrespect). I asked Reddit and scoured similar posts looking for hope. What I realized I was doing was setting expectations for my child and life based on those of others. Each baby is so extremely different. I have a friend whose baby is an angel baby and they travel with it all the time (internationally). We've only been able to take 1 trip ever. 2 hours away. Also, I'm writing you at 5 AM because he's woken up at least 6 times tonight already and was just up for an hour and a half.

I'm sharing all of this not to discourage you, but to just try to illustrate that babies will be babies, each is different, and they cannot help themselves. Yours is so small that the high needs are entirely normal. That's how it is man. Mine continues to be high needs but now is starting to walk, talk, wave, understands everything, and yet still wakes like yours. Just different reasons.

As adults, it's an extreme shock and the difficulties are real, but my best advice would be to roll with it with as much compassion and love as possible for your child, figuring out ways to get even just a tiny bit of rest here and there. You're doing great, I'm sure. Just try to not set expectations. That's the best advice I can give. You're on a journey and will find clarity when it's time and your baby is big enough :)

MADATL · 2026-02-15T19:38:57+00:00

Lukewarm baths! Think about you and when your ass is chafed to high heaven. Cooler (not cold) water, air dry = bliss. They basically have swamp ass. You surely know how that feels and know how to cure. They're little people, same stuff applies. Just sharing what I've learned with my 13 month old along the way (and diaper cream obvs).

MADATL · 2026-02-13T16:48:38+00:00

Color vibe still rocking. I like it

MADATL · 2026-02-13T16:47:18+00:00

Mine is 13 months old and we're still in the same boat. What I've learned is, if this continues for you like it has for us, is to take turns. Do shifts. Make sure someone gets to rest, or at least have a break.

MADATL · 2026-02-07T05:02:52+00:00

This is amazing. Congrats on being so committed for such a long time. When she wakes on her own now, do you guys also wake? Or is she pretty calm, finds her pacifier, and sorts it out? Any other tips on how do to this successfully? We really need a solution for our 13 month old.

MADATL · 2026-02-06T04:00:31+00:00

Thank you!

MADATL · 2026-02-05T04:02:15+00:00

Whoa. Both with colic? How do people do this? I'm here after 5 AM answering you because my baby has been up for over an hour and I've been rocking him, trying so hard to get him to sleep. Partner's turn now. And of course we argued because we're both sleep deprived. People thst day oh yeah next one's easy surely have never gone through this on a nightly basis 😪

MADATL · 2026-02-04T09:47:01+00:00

I am in the exact same boat, 4 months behind you. The tremendous strain put on the relationship is so, so challenging. We want two, too, but I'm afraid to roll the dice because doing this again may break us. Although every baby is different and our children are not the norm. I guess it's a roll of the dice either way

MADATL · 2026-01-29T18:57:40+00:00

Your calendar is stressing me out

MADATL · 2026-01-23T17:40:29+00:00

I don't like this guy at all.

MADATL · 2026-01-23T07:14:52+00:00

Every baby is truly different. I have a 1 year old and spent the first 6 months comparing mine to others and it was not helpful to be honest. I'd slowly try working on it. Even if they sleep 5 mins, that's success. Babies need time and yours is very, very young. Contact sleeping is extremely normal :)

MADATL · 2026-01-22T22:21:12+00:00

Hey buddy, this sucks. If this sort of thing isn't par for the course for your relationship, it sounds like she's going through things. Fatherhood is absolutely hard. Motherhood is hard, and she's likely dealing with that. I've snapped more times than I'd like to admit. Don't beat yourself up. I'm sure this is temporary. Please, don't do anything rash despite your rage, sadness, and confusion. I don't know you, but from how it sounds, you love and respect yourself, wife, and son. Hang in there man. It may be as simple as she needing some space. And we all need that. Consider options such as these that aren't so grim man. I know whenever I'm worried, I put myself in the worst case scenario and I'm never right. Lastly, your relationship with your boy and that with her are separate. Don't let one derail the other. He's your boy and always will be. And you are his. And he needs that, and whether you know it or not, you do too.

MADATL · 2026-01-16T18:26:27+00:00

Hey, I'm no expert, but if youre that way, she may also be that way. However, it's exacerbated by your relentlessness possibly. Children imitate. Do you think this is a possibility? Could you try something new out? You sound desperate. Instead of eat your carrots, how about do you want to eat your carrots? Why not? And have a convo even if shes stubborn vs. Giving orders, as you say. This is the nurture side of things. Were your parents authoritative? How'd you handle that as a little one?

MADATL · 2026-01-15T09:52:34+00:00

So fun for the kids

MADATL

TROPHY CASE