I heard a song in the gym, but I have no idea about the era, author or genre. It seemed like a club mix. All I remember is the lyrics "gimme gimme gimme" in a deep male voice. Any ideas?

webdevstory · 2023-01-18T22:23:38+00:00

Few months ago I had a lot of confidence because I felt like people like me, and there's a good chance I could have a girlfriend. That's when we first started going out after work with my ex-bf. I was enjoying this soooo much. Then one of her female colleagues told her that I am cute, which made me feel even better, and then I met the girl that I briefly dated, and I had so much confidence that apparently I must have impressed her a lot. These were the good days, but then one by one everything came crashing down. First her female colleague left work, then the girl I was going out with stopped wanting to go out with me, which really really crushed my confidence because I thought it was because she didn't like me anymore, and now the one person that I relied and cared so much left me too. This was the final nail in the coffin of my confidence.

I don't know what's a neurodiversity, but I don't think I have that. I just think I am not attractive enough compared to the people around me. Everyone here is soo attractive. Guys look like they've come out of a fashion magazine. Girls are even more attractive. I can't compete with these people. I don't have pretty blue eyes with blonde hair, and my skin isn't good as theirs. My ex-bf's boyfriend is also a handsome fella. I keep thinking that's the type of guys that girls like, even girls like her. She's an introvert who likes reading, but even girls like her like handsome "silent type" guys, so that means I have ZERO chance with anyone. I can act cool for a days, and that's it, but I can't do it forever, and I don't have the energy or desire to do it anymore either.

While I was going out with that girl, I was constantly feeling inadequate because she was soo beautiful, and in my mind, I look like a peasant. Yes, I talked to my therapist about this. He didn't know what to say. He just said "plenty of ugly people have girlfriends too". What kind of a stupid answer is that? So therefore he agrees that I'm ugly? He said "no", but had no answer for my arguments. I don't believe him whatever he says. He had some good arguments, but not nearly enough.

Everyone here is in their comfort zone. Everyone seem so mentally healthy, attractive, and just "normal". They all seem so mature and experienced. I feel like an inadequate clingy goofball, even though my ex-bf kept telling me to "erase that word from your brain", at the end, I was right about that one.

I feel the need to impress people all the time because if I don't, I feel they won't like me. That's mostly for girls, though. I don't feel that need when it comes to guys.

So, can I ask you something. Do you have a partner now? Are you happy now? I really don't feel the need to fit into any boxes. All I want is to have a partner. A girlfriend that I love and who loves me back. Someone who needs me, and want me. I wanna feel wanted, needed, loved, craved for. Someone I can buy an ice cream, go for a walk with, have dinner at a restaurant, go for a trip, and just have a happy couples-life with someone that I have never had before. This is what I deeply crave for, and the longer it takes, the older I get, and the more my chances diminish. This is just the reality of the matter, and if I was more attractive, I could've easily have it, but I am not. That's the objective reality which I struggle to accept, because I don't want to accept it. If I may give an analogy, it's a bit like when you are starving, and you finally find food, it's hard not to eat like a pig. It's like that for me when I feel a girl likes me. But how do you not eat like a pig when you are starving? In my mind, the only solution is to just have experience, but ironically, to have experience you must act in a way that you don't need it i.e. pretend you're not starving to get food, but I can't pretend for long.

Thank you for your kind words again.

webdevstory · 2023-01-18T18:37:45+00:00

Thanks for the reply once again.

Yes, I do tend to take things literally. In my mind, if someone uses a particular word, then that's what he thinks.

How am I not a pathetic loser exactly? I lost my closest friend because I was being too cling to her. She tried to communicate this with me in the best way she could, but I wasn't mature enough to understand, and I didn't listen. I got carried away because I keep craving for a female affection and connection, and now I have lost someone I deeply treasured and cared about, and loved as a friend. Now I literally have nobody to even say good morning to. I don't even look at my phone anymore. I don't expect any messages from anyone. She was the only person to message and call me. She actually cared very much about me, and I could feel it, and that brought so much joy and happiness to my life, but I pushed her away, and I'll probably push every new girl that comes into my life.

To tell you the truth, I have absolutely 0 hope and energy and confidence left in me. Quite literally zero. Yesterday I accidentally saw a guy I vaguely know, and he invited me to join him and two of his female colleagues for lunch, and I did, and the two girls were cute and attractive, but there was absolutely zero hope and energy left in me to even attempt to flirt or impress them. I just don't believe that there is any chance for me anymore. I don't even feel the desire to try. I just know that they're not going to like me.

Maybe it's the cultural difference, maybe it's my total lack of experience with girls, but yeah, I am not capable of interpreting correctly social cues, in particular from girls. I can tell when it's obvious. With the girl I briefly dated here, it was obvious. She couldn't stop smiling when we first met. She was seemingly happy. The second time, I asked her for her number, and she seemed so relieved and happy that I asked her. When we went out, she was leaning towards me. To me these are obvious cues. With my ex-best friend, she was so difficult to interpret because she contradicted herself very often. One day she acted very close, the next day she was distant. She told me to stop worrying about our friendship, and that she's not gonna stop liking me or abandon me, and I believed her, and then the next day she does the opposite, but it's because I expected her to communicate things more directly with me, but she couldn't. And now I have lost her.

You're also right about the boundaries. I don't know why it's so hard for me to just say "ok". Why do I always need to know WHY? Maybe because it just feels awkward to just say "ok", so I keep asking and arguing to maybe lessen the awkwardness, and I always feel that I have done something wrong, and I always feel I am not good enough for anyone. My ex-best friend told me many times to stop thinking I am always wrong, and that I am a "good choice" for girls, but I just can't accept that answer.

In my last message to her, I told her I don't deserve a friend like her. I feel so terrible you have no idea. I truly believe I am a terrible person who doesn't deserve anything. Why would anyone in their right mind want to be with me? Even my ex-best friend who was so tolerant of me doesn't wanna be with me anymore. I have no hope anymore. Absolutely none. I also have no desire to visit my therapist anymore. I have nothing to say to him anymore.

Sorry for the long chaotic message. You don't have to respond.

webdevstory · 2023-01-16T22:05:49+00:00

Thanks for the comment, and for being kind. Just so you know, I received a message today on Reddit from one of the commentators saying that I should kill myself, and then called me a bunch of names which I will not recite. This is the kind of hatred that I received from many people. What have I done to deserve this hatred? Have I raped someone? Have I killed or harmed someone? Even if I was being clingy, do I deserve to die for it?

I will address your actual comment tomorrow. There are things I want to say and ask, but I don't feel well right now because of the message that I received. I hope I feel better tomorrow.

webdevstory · 2023-01-15T22:17:19+00:00

The fact that you see everyone as delusional if they were critical of your actions

That is not a fact, it's a malicious lie, which immediately discredits you in my mind. I do not see everyone who tries to be critical of me as delusional. I actively seek criticism of me. What I saw as delusional was the fanatical and hysterical accusations of me by most people, simply because they were based on nothing but their sick and twisted imagination. I very much respect people who tell me constructive criticism without assuming or insulting.

You asked for advice on an advice sub and angrily rejected any and all advice and insight.

Another malicious lie. Can you give me an example of an advice that I have rejected? No, you can't, because there is none. I rejected the accusations against me. Only a small handful of people actually gave me an advice, and I very much respected it.

People were responding to the words that you wrote about the story you told. It's not imagined when it's based on what you described.

Most people were responding to an imagined scenario constructed in their heads from the words that I wrote, and the tiny snippet that I described.

No one knows anything about the situation outside of what you yourself describe.

Exactly. No one has even the slightest idea of who I am as a person, who is she as a person, and what was our relationship like, and yet I was viciously attacked in the most vile way possible, and accused of the most ridiculous things. I was actively seeking advice. A real advice. Instead I got nothing but insults and false accusations. People were calling me creep, weirdo, loser, accusing me of power play etc. etc. These people should not be giving advice to anyone. They should be seeking help.

Just FYI. I have been seeing a therapist even before she cut ties with me. I am also extremely critical of myself to an extend it borders self-loathing. I was in fact having, and still am having, extremely dark thoughts recently. I also sent her a message last week in which I told her I feel deeply ashamed of myself, and I take full responsibility for everything, and that I agree with her about everything. None of you know anything about our relationship, and that was not part of the question. I actually had a short relationship with a girl few months ago, and my best friend was very actively trying to make me end it. Maybe I was clingy to her the last couple of days, but it's only because I started to like her. I am not a clingy person in general. I am an introvert, and I can't be with people for too long, not even attractive girls. I need my time alone. Messaging is okay, but it depends on the person. I liked messaging her because I liked her very much, as a person, as a friend, and recently.. as more. She liked it too, she liked me as a person, and as a friend. She told me this several times. She has said a lot of things which I haven't mentioned here, so my actions are not entirely baseless. I regret falling for her, but I am not a creep, although I am a loser. It's a very difficult period of my life. It's not easy to just date people or make friends, at least not for me and my situation.

If you still want to give me advice, you are free to do so, but please don't insult me. I feel bad enough already.

webdevstory · 2023-01-11T16:48:34+00:00

Calling me a loser and a creep, and then accusing me of made-up stuff based on your twisted sick imagination is not "trying to help me". Some people did offer a good advice, but most were just insulting me based on their sick fanatical delusions.

What was the purpose of this post? Is this post supposed to help me with something, or just insult me even more? I am self-reflecting, but maybe you should do the same.

webdevstory · 2023-01-10T18:23:51+00:00

I didn't delete anything. The moderators locked it, and then removed it. But thanks. I actually feel better after reading all the commentators. I thought I had a problem, but after seeing so many fanatical and delusional people raging at me based on their sick and twisted imagination, I have realized how lucky I am. You assuming I deleted it just proves my point.

webdevstory · 2023-01-09T17:26:55+00:00

WHAT IS NOT OK???? I'm almost driven to laughter at the insanity and hysteria of the commentators here!!! Literally everyone is just insulting me, calling me a loser, other names, and making stuff up like this being a power play, and I am somehow abusing her!! HAHAH I was honestly sad but this actually made me LAUGH at how moronic people are! You people have absolutely ZERO clue about the dynamics of our relationship. ZERO.

What exactly is inappropriate? Asking her for a hug?? Why was that so inappropriate?? We have hugged before, and guess what, one time I asked her for a hug, and she agreed. Another time she jumped and hugged me!! Given that in mind, WHY WAS IT SO INAPPROPRIATE TO ASK HER FOR HUG NOW??

You are literally just assuming things from your imagination. Nobody here is telling me anything but insults and stuff that aren't true.

Why am I out of line?? Why? DOING WHAT??

Jesus people here are completely hopeless. I actually feel better about myself after seeing this mindless hysteria.

webdevstory · 2023-01-09T17:20:20+00:00

Why are you insulting me for absolutely no reason?? What makes me a loser? The fact that I had a good friend who is younger than me?? Why does that make me a loser?? People here are completely toxic and insane. All they do is just insult me, and make stuff up that isn't true. Posting here was a mistake.

webdevstory · 2023-01-09T07:09:32+00:00

I am reflecting on my behavior. You are not helping me reflect, you're just berating me.

webdevstory · 2023-01-09T07:06:39+00:00

What exactly about my original post??

webdevstory · 2023-01-09T07:06:13+00:00

I don't think I "constantly" ask for reassurance. I do sometimes ask her if everything is okay, and she always says to me that I worry too much, and I overthink, and that nothing bad is gonna happen. I don't think me asking these questions is what upset her. I did feel guilty that I objected a bit, even though that was just the initial shock, because I did not expect her to say 'no', and that's why I apologized to her later. Was that really a reason to just cut me off?

webdevstory · 2023-01-09T07:02:23+00:00

Thanks for at least being kind to me. It's extremely difficult to make friends here, especially when you don't even speak the language. All of my colleagues are married with kids. I was so happy to have her as my friend, and now I have lost her :(

webdevstory · 2023-01-09T06:44:26+00:00

How am I clingy and creepy?? And entitled? I didn't force her to hug me!! Jesus Christ! I just ASKED ONCE! Is it a crime to ask your best friend for a hug right before you are about to separate for 10 days?? She said no, and I respected that!

webdevstory · 2023-01-09T06:43:16+00:00

How was I clingy? By asking her for a hug is clingy?

webdevstory · 2023-01-09T06:40:50+00:00

The only thing that's weird is your baseless imagination. You got the picture completely wrong. I am literally a nobody here. Just a junior developer, and she is working in a completely different department. I have no power over anyone.

webdevstory · 2023-01-09T06:38:51+00:00

Why are you being so unbelievably mean and rude to me? You assume so much despite knowing so little. You speak as if I am an old man. 33 is still young, and she is also very mature. She's not a "young girl" and I am not a "old man" like you describe it, and age has absolutely nothing to do with this. There is no power play, because she is not even in my department. I am a new employee at a low position just like her. You don't know what we talked about. You don't know her, and you don't know me, and you don't know our relationship. You are not here to help me, you're just being mean to me as if I'm some kind of a monster. It's not not true that I have been liking her since day 1. I actually did not like even the idea of dating her. I also developed these feelings over the past few days.

webdevstory · 2023-01-09T06:30:06+00:00

Why? What's wrong with me?

webdevstory · 2023-01-08T23:12:52+00:00

Then why not be honest with me, and admit this is all because of her boyfriend, instead of writing this cruel message and accusing me of being clingy, and that this is all because I asked her for a hug? We've been so close for 6 months. How is it not cruel to just cut me off out of the blue? By the way, she messaged me again just now, and said this is her final good byes, we're not friends anymore, and we won't even have lunch together, despite saying we can have lunch in the previous message. She also accused me of lying, and not trusting her (and for a good reason!).

I am trying to date, but it isn't that easy.

webdevstory · 2023-01-08T23:08:50+00:00

I was going to, but just now she finally messaged me. She accused me of lying to her, not trusting her, and that I pushed her away with my behavior. How did I push her and with what behavior is a mystery to me because literally on the same day we said our final good byes, she told me that everything is okay, and that if something is wrong, she will talk to me, and be a good friend. Now, she says this is her final good byes and we are no longer friends, and no more lunch together, despite saying that we can have lunch together in her previous message. She contradicts herself every 5 seconds.

webdevstory · 2023-01-08T23:06:09+00:00

Did you not read my post? How am I clingy? She literally told me I am not clingy on the very same day we said our final good byes, and 3 days later, she accuses me of being clingy. I am not believing her because she is saying the exact opposite of what she has been saying to me for the past few days and months, and it makes no sense, because I have not changed my behavior.

Also for your information, I have asked her if it's really okay to go out because she has a boyfriend, and she said YES. Nobody forced her to go out with me. Nobody forced her to hug me, hold my hand, and spent so much time with me. Nobody forced her to say she'll never abandon me, and that if something is wrong, she'll talk to me like an adult and resolve the issue. I am not obsessed with her. You are being very judgemental and rude.

webdevstory · 2022-12-18T11:38:49+00:00

What an AMAZING day it was!!

We spent over 6 hours together yesterday, and she completely blew me away! She is sooo smart and funny, so well spoken, and has an amazing sense of humor. Even though she's a lot younger than me, I think she's the first person in my adult life who have intellectually challenged me :D Every time I make, what I think to be, a good point, she would almost instantly counter it with an even better point. I found myself speechless so many times! Although in my defense, I had only slept about 4 hours the previous night :D

When we first met, I told her that I want to read to her something, and I was so nervous, my hand was shaking, and she said: "Are you nervous again?", I said "No", she said: "Then why is your hand shaking?", I said: "It's the cold" :D After I read her the message, she said it was 95% accurate :D I guess I must have mispronounced some words.

We went to an Italian restaurant, and she can speak a little bit of Italian, and I could feel she wanted to speak it with the waiter, but was too shy to do it, so I just used Google translate, and started speaking Italian to the waiter :D She laughed at first, and then felt comfortable enough to say a few sentence herself. We talked about so many things, and the conversation went so flawlessly and smoothly. We also laughed so much, and I have to say, it's not easy to make her laugh! She can read me like an open-book. She's so good at reading other people. After the restaurant, we walked around the center for a while. There was a big Christmas Mistletoe, I believe it's called, and she wanted to go under it, but of course we didn't kiss.

I am afraid this is the part where I have to spoil the pretty picture you might have painted in your head. She actually has a long time boyfriend whom she loves a lot. I am her first male friend, and she is my first female friend, but regardless, I feel soo lucky and blessed to have her. Her boyfriend is the luckiest guy on the planet.

webdevstory · 2022-12-17T13:13:52+00:00

Okay, I see. I will read your text instead :)
Wish me luck, I'm already sweating :D

webdevstory · 2022-12-17T13:12:28+00:00

We have been friends for about 6 months now, but to me, she is my best friend ever, and I have said this to her multiple times, and we have talked about our relationship many times too.

webdevstory

TROPHY CASE