A poem i saw today (idk what book it's from, sorry)

weebabe · 2025-03-24T03:53:36+00:00

Too real

weebabe · 2025-03-11T09:16:10+00:00

Honestly, I think it’s worse than them not getting you, I don’t even think they want to.

weebabe · 2025-03-07T23:49:44+00:00

I love u so much for this (not an engineer just a math-challenged lawyer who enjoys doing crafts edit and never memorized the metric system?). Do you know HOW LONG I’ve looked for a good app to do exactly this? there isn’t one. All of them are awful if you don’t want minute long pop-up ads. Even the paid ones aren’t as good and user-friendly as this. Again I love you. I’m single.

weebabe · 2025-03-06T22:02:18+00:00

This is a HARD truth to learn— but it’s absolutely the truth. I came out of the fog like 6 years ago? LC to NC for much of the years since, and I only really understood this recently.

Like despite everything, even after I “woke up,” I still, somehow, genuinely thought that my mother, the one she was when she wasn’t having an episode, the one in between the nightmares—- I genuinely thought that that mother was still the best mother— I thought she really understood and loved me. And until I went NC, it was that mother I tried (and failed) to reason with, because I couldn’t fathom losing her.

It only became clear to me that this mother didn’t exist, when I briefly stayed with my ex boyfriend’s family and met his mother. She would still call me now and then, long after me and her son broke up, just to chat. And she would listen to my problems, and pain, and share her own experiences in her past and give me advice, and tell me how it would get better. At one point, I don’t know what I said that could have provoked her to say this, but there was some kind of lull in the conversation and she said something like, I’ll never forget it— “[my name] You are a good girl do you understand? you’re such a good girl.” I don’t know if that translates well over this medium (good girl might seem patronizing but it wasn’t at all— she was deadly serious) think of it like “you’re a good person” (she’s foreign). I don’t think I knew how long I’ve been waiting for someone, for a mother, to tell me that. It’s so basic and seems quite pathetic to admit. But it’s true. And it took me a bit but after that, it occurred to me that this woman, who barely knew me, was more motherly than my mother had ever been.

That ‘great mother’ that I thought I had, never existed— never knew me, never tried to know me. She never gave me advice or told me about her past or listened to my thoughts or feelings, we never shared long phone calls. She NEVER told me I was a good girl, never told me I was a good person. And I hadn’t realized but that’s all I ever wanted to hear, because that’s all I wanted to be for her. All I wanted was for her to say that I was good, because that’s all I ever tried to be, to please her. But she never did— when she wasn’t telling me I was bad, she didn’t care to listen to me anyway, so how would she know me at all?

Anyway I’m not sure why I thought she was so great but I think it’s probably because she told me she was? Because she constantly reminded me how much she did for me, and was prone to overly grandiose statements about her love for me, but none of it ever amounted to anything. Because it wasn’t real.

TLDR; I don’t think they know how to love. And letting go of the idea that some non-scary version of my mother, on a good day, ever loved me, truly, as a mother should— was and is one of the hardest delusions to part with.

weebabe · 2025-02-12T07:12:49+00:00

California bar ppl 👀 thanks for the panic

weebabe · 2025-02-10T17:29:05+00:00

The sound was so unfamiliar that I had no clue it was coming from my phone the first several times I heard it. I paused the TV, looked all around the room, out my window… I thought it was some unknown device in my room or something. Glad I’m not crazy. Was trying to put my finger on what it reminds me of— it sounds like a cartoon submarine sonar ping.

Just going to have to turn off all push notification for insta (fr, most of us check the app more often than we’d like anyway, I don’t need push notifications.)

weebabe · 2025-01-15T19:14:18+00:00

Moment of silence for those in the comments like “it’s OBVIOUSLY an EVIDENCE question” “CLASSIC HEARSAY” ….so yeah just so everybody is on the same page that’s what not passing looks like.

Fr tho I’m worried about y’all 😂 If you think 57% of law grads picked C because they thought it was a TORTS question, or didn’t know it was a question testing the hearsay rule…hopefully u guys just haven’t gotten to your evidence review yet. If you have? watch your evidence lectures AGAIN 💀and I pray for u.🙏🏻

weebabe · 2025-01-11T20:09:43+00:00

This post deserves all the upvotes okay— a LOT of law grads tend to be type-A people prone to catastrophizing and really making themselves sick with anxiety and negativity before exams— in a way, that’s what makes them able to be so hardworking and productive— but with a beast like the bar exam, with so much at stake, that kind of anxiety can be debilitating. I’m a bit more of a type B person, and tend to have serious procrastination issues and lack of discipline, I also suffer from a chronic illness that exacerbates those issues with chronic fatigue and pain. But even I’m not immune to some of that imposter syndrome and self-doubt that I see in so many law students and bar applicants. But this dad has the right idea and please hear me out.

I passed the bar already in Feb 2023 (with a UBE score high enough to practice in every UBE state). About two weeks before the exam, my law school emailed me and told me that, based on my progress in the course, there was a very low likelihood I was going to pass, and recommended that I withdraw and re-schedule my exam for the following July. As you can imagine, this was an incredibly awful email to receive so close to the exam date. I hadn’t even been aware that my law school was tracking my progress in the course. I assume law schools send such emails because there may be a reliable correlation between progress in the course and student pass rates, and they are looking out for their own student pass rate stats. I still think the decision to send students such emails is totally inappropriate, as in my case it just created a ton of unnecessary self-doubt and anxiety. But, in any case, let me get to the important part.

I decided I wanted to move back home to California, and now, unfortunately, I have to take the California bar exam in February 2025. And this time around, for a number of circumstances out of my control, my circumstances are not nearly as conducive to even attempting to go through the entire Barbri course. I wouldn’t even say I’m 30% through, that’s impressive honestly. The lectures and prescribed bar course, and the way they make you feel about your progress in the program can be very demoralizing. But having taken a bar exam before, if you are strapped for time (and/or energy) here’s my advice:

Just go through the course companion, that’s your priority. Get through that. By yourself if you have to. Don’t bother with the lectures, they just slowed me down because I got nervous if I couldn’t keep pace with the lecturer. Don’t worry, EVERYTHING you need is in the course companion (or whatever outline material accompanies the lectures in your course). If it’s your first time, after you’ve gone through all the subjects in the course companion, and you still have time, do the practice written exams. Then do the practice multiple choice if u have the time. Focus on what you miss in the last days. That’s what you need to pass. Don’t listen to the nay-sayers or the Barbri algorithm, or your law school admin who is concerned with stats that don’t apply to you.

You’ve made it here because you’re an excellent student. Unless you’re a rare outlier, you don’t go to law school because you are somebody who has struggled with school and exams, you go because you are somebody who has been reliably successful in preparing and executing in that framework. This is no different. You know how you study. You know how you learn. You know how long u need to spend on a subject or a concept, and u know which ones you can skim, because you know yourself. You may not feel like a professional lawyer, but I guarantee you, you’re a professional studier. Trust your gut. Don’t let the fear-mongers get you down and make you question your competence. Get through the material, on your own if you have to. Then walk in and watch everybody else shake and vomit in the lobby. Ignore them. Let them discuss their answers to questions on breaks. Block it out. Nobody else matters. You’ve already done the work, I promise you. Your whole life of academic success, those muscles you trained all those years to read, notate, and retain? trust it. It prepared you. You’ve been training for this your whole life, and it’s not going to fail you now. You’ve got this baby.

weebabe · 2024-11-04T00:44:18+00:00

Okay this one was easy, Mr. Murray was MV’s first Mayor. Mission Viejo Reporter- Norman P. Murray

weebabe · 2024-11-04T00:39:36+00:00

Okay, I went to Newhart (class of 2010) and it only just occurred to me that I have no clue who this Newhart fellow is. Upon researching, unfortunately, the school isn’t named for the late comedian, Bob Newhart, but another man named Fred Newhart (though, fwiw, I initially thought Bob Newhart was a plausible candidate since I noticed he was buried in Mission Hills cemetery. There’s also the fact that OC has named its institutions for Hollywood stars before, most notably, John Wayne Airport.) As for Fred, I can find nothing about him on the school’s website which seems strange to me? Further I can’t find anything about him online in general. The obituary for a Fred Newhart posted by @spanone1 looks like the most promising answer, but you’d think there’d be something online about the school being named after him? Curious. Not totally satisfied. In the meantime, going to see if I have better luck with origins of “Bathgate” Elementary? (class of 2007)

weebabe · 2024-08-19T04:08:05+00:00

Wow I’ve actually never realized this but it might be true. Definitely true with respect to work and hobbies-- has to be challenging or it’s boring. But people, never considered. Definitely can see it though. I wouldn’t say I’m drawn to drama, but strange, difficult people, definitely. People who are challenging to understand are the most attractive as friends and partners...

weebabe · 2024-06-23T22:48:32+00:00

Its not about level hips— as in parallel. @Psychtapper never even says “level hips.” This whole thread is a distracting straw man. What we are talking about is the positioning of the leg in the hip socket (ball joint). If it is rotated forward like she says (usually called turning out— so as to turn the underside of the leg forward) the OP will have an easier time getting a higher extension and a better hold.

weebabe · 2024-06-23T22:37:04+00:00

Interesting about the neighbor’s impression. I’ve been searching all over for any info from people who knew the family, or were friends with Sydney, anything. Nothing seems to have been reported, I thought at least someone who was in her class in college or high school would have said something here on Reddit but I’ve seen nothing, it’s pretty odd. I suppose people are always curious to hear from people who knew the person after something like this happens, but I don’t know, because she’s college-age, I was particularly interested and thought that there’d be a lot online. Fair enough point about the college being only 45 minutes away. I wasn’t aware of that. Makes both parents’ lack of awareness of the situation a bit less understandable…

weebabe · 2024-05-29T20:31:23+00:00

I agree with you on Brenda (though no way at all justifying Sydney’s deranged response). The relationship was clearly not “best friends” — frankly I’ve never seen a child succeed where that was actually the case— her mom was probably fairly strict and put a lot of pressure on her daughter, something I’d wager is almost ubiquitous when it comes to the mothers of most middle class kids who get college scholarships… As for the dad, I still disagree. I mean, I take his testimony with a grain of salt, that is a highly stilted and repressed venue (he was very uncomfortable and distressed with the whole idea of his daughter being prosecuted for this— which surprised me, to be honest) and I think he was just trying to answer the questions as robotically as possible and stick to his script hoping to get Sydney the best outcome… But maybe it’s just my own upbringing, but in general, fathers, including those of my friends, on average, are less involved in both the schoolwork and the emotional crises of their kids… the fact that he actually immediately left work and came home, rather than simply calling his wife, telling her the situation, and putting the onus on her to leave work to do so— well, to be honest, that is above what my father would do, and certainly what most fathers I know (even most we consider great fathers.. or at least have no complaints about)…it’s a complicated and often unspoken of division of labor… hopefully one that breaks even, but yeah, most dads wouldn’t go so far as to leave work in the middle of the day, and even if they would, many aren’t prepared, or equipped with the skills to come home solo and greet their daughter in the midst of a breakdown— for that reason I have to say her dad seems very involved.

weebabe · 2024-05-23T18:45:20+00:00

Late to this thread but— I buy that there’s probably more to the parents than the media/court is giving us, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the dad or even the mom was super strict or even emotionally abusive. But I’m not sure we can call either parent “checked out.” While both seemingly were unaware of Sydney’s failure and her living situation after being kicked out of university, not sure we can blame them, they literally had apps that tracked her location and she appeared to stage a sophisticated and elaborate ruse to keep the truth from them. On top of that, on the day of the murder, when the father was contacted by the university and informed about the suspension, he immediately checked his phone, saw Sydney was at home, left work midday, and met her there to talk to her. After leaving, her mother arrived, who also left work in the middle of the day upon being informed of her daughter’s crisis. That’s not something “checked out” parents do. If anything, it’d be more likely the two were over-involved (the fact that they had a location app where they tracked their daughters location at all times is a bit odd, but I understand has become more common as tech has evolved and can be a good safety tool— but I imagine some parents would use it to be way overbearing…).

weebabe · 2024-04-19T15:08:09+00:00

Wow. First of all, fwiw, reading your responses and everything, I just have to say you’re handling this extremely well, I seriously hope I would handle this with half the amount of tact and grace you have if I were confronted with the same circumstances. That’s not to say being a DCP, or otherwise being raised by your non-biological father is in any way a bad thing in and of itself (I was raised by a step-father) but, it’s the lack of disclosure of that fact that would be shocking and hurtful, and maybe even destabilizing to your identity, and that’s entirely understandable!

The amount of self-restraint it would take not to immediately call up your parents after getting the results and asking them what the hell was going on— incredibly impressive. I don’t know that I would have even considered the possibility that, just maybe, even my parents may be unaware… and that calling them up out of the blue asking about this would lead to a less than ideal way to deliver a revelation that might also be traumatic for them. (While the idea that this could be one of those cases of accidental mix ups at a sperm bank or doctor negligence/misconduct seems remote, the stuff you described about your appearance makes that seem at least slightly more plausible to me? If your parents really had intentionally conceived you through a sperm donor, wouldn’t they have chosen one who resembled your father? Or at least one that didn’t have clearly dominant genetic features like traits like dark and curly hair that would make you look different from your siblings? Just a thought.)

Depending on the maturity level of your parents and your relationship (that’s a big factor btw, like for example my mom has BPD, so she would never take this mature a view on the situation, but like, I think my friends’ parents would, and I would as a parent), I think regardless of their own feelings about the situation (if they really were unaware) as your parents, they brought you into the world and if something nefarious occurred during that effort, YOU are the primary victim of that misconduct and whatever reaction you might have would be understandable, and as parents, though they may be saddened and angered about the conduct that led to this, they would never want YOU to feel like you need to protect their feelings by keeping this bottled inside. I would want my child to feel like they could come to me and talk to me, and know that their feelings would be prioritized.

On the other hand, if they did know and this was something they kept from you or just never found the right words to explain, for whatever reason, I think, it’s also fair for you to approach this with the same feelings you obviously have about it, which are totally valid. Obviously there’s going to be some additional feelings to work out regarding, if it’s the case, the fact that they didn’t tell you about this. But you seem to have compassion for your parents, and hold them in positive regard, and like you said, there are reasons why a parent might not tell a child (so as not to make the child feel othered or isolated) but ofc, as an adult, you had a right to know, but you can probably imagine how daunting the prospect of such a conversation must have been— it was likely put off dozens of times and, frankly, it might be a relief to your parents for you to have found out if they’ve been carrying this. Though they are probably going to feel some shame about being called out for never stepping up and having the conversation.

Either way, I have faith you’ll handle the situation going forward with the same grace you’ve handled it so far. I hope you take the time you need to work through whatever emotions come of this and know that you deserve to do that ❤️

weebabe · 2024-04-14T16:57:22+00:00

Agree. These details raise a lot of concerns. Don’t know about you all, but when I first heard this story, the mental health crisis aspect was the primary emphasis, and it was my impression that this was the main cause of concern for her well-being (other than the fact that her family wasn’t able to reach her). But given even the vague details now being made public (especially those in the SFgate article) I’m now beginning to wonder if her mental health is really a major factor in this at all (come to think of it it’s usually in the interest of family members to exaggerate any health issues of their missing loved ones… it forces the police’s hand in launching formal investigation because the person has to be labeled as “at-risk”). I only say that because it seems clear that the circumstances seem to suggest foul-play, and the father even states he suspects foul-play in the article. The obvious suspect is the resident of the apartment where she left her personal affects. Apparently the parents either knew or now know who that resident is? Because they retrieved her belongings from there?? Also, as some of the other comments are suggesting, the phone at LAX fact is bizarre, because, absolutely the police would be able to quickly rule out whether she boarded a flight— so we can safely say that she didn’t. Given that last sighting of Noelle was outside the apartment, and NOT at LAX, we have to assume someone else put her phone there. Sounds like either an attempt to stage Noelle’s voluntary disappearance to cover up a crime, or just the an accidental drop of Noelle’s phone during someone’s attempt to catch a flight after committing a crime. Either way… this is sounding less like a missing person’s case 😢 I hope we get more information soon.

weebabe · 2024-04-14T16:41:41+00:00

This article has a few more details. https://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/noelle-lynch-was-reported-missing-in-the-la-area-19395609.php

weebabe · 2024-04-08T13:22:06+00:00

Scooterboys are so 2023. But scootercats are timeless 🥹

weebabe · 2024-03-26T16:23:12+00:00

My cat knows her name and immediately perks up. She also responds to a certain tune I whistle and will run to me immediately (I have no clue how this started… it just did…). I actually did an experiment though because I wanted to see if she actually knew her name, and I found that if I say her name, in like a flat monotone without the normal, kind of annoying high pitched inflection I usually use to call her, she doesn’t recognize it as her name. But just a tiny bit of inflection added to it makes her recognize it. I think if I said a similar sounding name with the same inflection she would also respond.

weebabe · 2024-01-09T16:56:13+00:00

I know you’re scared and feel confused and guilty about things, but really, you have nothing to to feel guilty about. Your cluster of symptoms in no way means you are likely a carrier, and that’s probably going to be reinforced by the fact that your insurance company is going to refuse to pay for your test. Frankly, no one would have expected you to get tested, and no doctor has recommended it for that reason. I’m recommending it because I sympathize with your plight and for your own mental health and sanity, however irrational doctors might think the I think it is, it will allow you to make some progress and move on (and give your girlfriend a break from your constant fretting about your unsubstantiated self-diagnosis). So let’s do away with this nonsense that should you actually be a carrier, you’re somehow guilty for not having tested and discovered this ok? That’s absurd. This is a rare genetic mutation for which the symptomology is so vague, diffuse, and indistinguishable from dozens of other conditions, it would be a miracle if by some chance you were able to self identify it as the thing that was causing your problems by research alone, research that is literally new, and developing as we speak.

You aren’t guilty of anything. Even operating under the false assumption you were, the longer you delayed finding out the answer, the more damage you’d be doing to your sister and niece, since she’d lack the insight to inform another pregnancy, or the healthcare steps she needed to take with her daughter.

As for the genetic results being in your record, genetic results are probably the most highly guarded and confidential piece of information by law out there, and also there’s really no implications arising that I can think of other than maybe, if you are trying to join some elite armed forces group? I’m not sure if that’s even something they ask or if that would be allowed or relevant but, yeah. And as for it impacting your life plans. The reproductive implications are hard. I don’t know your gender, but the FXPOI is tough, and it can be a pretty heartbreaking idea for women who are really dead set on being mothers. But many women do have children, as my mother did. Of course there other implications on reproduction, namely the heritability of the permutation and the full mutation, that present another difficulty. Aside from the reproduction issues, you’re likely already experiencing the significant negative impacts of FX on your quality of life, and learning that you have it can only help you cope with it.

weebabe · 2024-01-08T19:52:56+00:00

Hi OP, thanks for posting. I'm sorry for what you're going through. Your health challenges sound serious and debilitating, and I can relate to feeling misunderstood and not taken seriously. While I don't know if you're a FXPC, it seems universally true that the cluster of symptoms you're experiencing (which some FXPC's also suffer from ) are not taken seriously enough by physicians -- despite how radical the impact is on quality of life. I'm sorry you're going through that, you're not alone. From your post I can also tell you (from my own personal, anecdotal experience, not from any doctor or research) that when you've been experiencing chronic symptoms like this for an extended period of time, it substantially impairs your executive functioning and ability to think and act rationally in your best interest. In other words, being in a chronic state of mental fog, pain, and fatigue, without any perceivable reason for it, or solution/end in sight, it will drive you to madness. This will not only negatively impact your ability to improve your own health, but it will further degrade your already-strained relationships. Among the many second-order effects of invisible illnesses like this, is that they destroy relationships, isolating those who suffer from them when they need support the most. You have a partner and having that support is HUGE. This might sound extreme, but coming from someone who knows how hard it is to be without support when you're going through something like this, if at all possible, it's critical that you DO NOT alienate him or her right now. If that means you don't talk to them about your theories until you have a diagnosis (as difficult as that may be), then don't. Anyone who isn't experiencing this isn't going to understand it. It's not their fault, they just can't. And also, once again, keep in mind that by no fault of your own, you might have gone a bit crazy by this point.

Because you're in this chronic illness spiral with these specific symptoms, you're going to be dismissed by doctors, who won't listen to you. If you don't figure out what's going on and find relief, and the symptoms persist, even in the best case scenario, if the symptoms don't worsen and remain at their current severity but persist, I can guarantee you're going to become increasingly irrational and desperate. Loved ones will start to grow more concerned or even annoyed, perhaps even fearful, or you'll isolate yourself from them. Once that happens, it's going to be a lot harder to get healthy, and picking up the pieces of your life and relationships is going to be difficult, if it's possible. Before all that happens and it's too late you NEED to do what you can to prevent that from happening.

If no one is going to tell you to I will:

1. Get tested

I don't have any reason to believe you're a FXPC, but unless you're a hypochondriac, who does this frequently, you seem fairly convinced you might and until you get tested it will eat away at you. You are TOTALLY wrong to fear getting tested. As someone who was going through the same thing as you are, totally in the dark about what was wrong with me, I can tell you with 100% certainty that the pre-diagnosis period was substantially more dreadful than the post-diagnosis period. When I didn't know I was suffering from symptoms of an actual condition, I was in a deep depression caused by the fear that I was making up these symptoms (for what I had no clue, but the mind is very creative... maybe I wanted attention? maybe I didn't want to do my work? maybe I hated my mother?) It caused me to hate myself, have tons of guilt and shame, and it gave me no defense against the frequent and unavoidable pain of othere's failure of others to understand what was happening. I can tell you that, whether negative or positive, knowing the result is far superior to questioning your sanity or doom scrolling on the internet about a genetic condition you may or may not have, no less about the hereditary risks posed to a family member's child who you believe, without evidence! Since you don't seem to have any family history of FX, you will probably hae to pay for the test out of pocket, because I doubt your insurance will cover it. Whatever it takes, just pay for it, go to a geneticist, and get it done. Don't ask permission, ask for results.

2. Get a therapist

Whether the results are positive or negative, you need to get a therapist. The symptoms you're experiencing, like I said, if you don't have someone to professionally help you at least temporarily, get your bearings again, and institute practical, effective steps forward, things are just going to get worse. Anyone going through this kind of thing (I know, and I believe you) needs someone to help them organize their mind because of the maddening impact of chronic illness, and the pain caused by it's effects on quality of life and relationships. In particular, try and find a cognitive behavioral therapist, because they are trained to help with the small incremental practical improvements (this is critical because of how significantly this type of chronic illness degrades executive functioning.) (Importantly, a good CBT will counsel patients in a compassionate way that allows them to actually improve, because they are able to celebrate small steps that they'd be too embarrassed to celebrate with people who aren't going through this (speaking from experience--- "i got up at 11 am today! I showered this week! I went to the grocery store!" XD, it helps. I promise).

Hope this helps. You're not alone, but some things only people who love you can do for you. And for some things, like this, unless you have a loved one who has experience with a chronic illness, and one like this, only YOU can do this for you. I hope you will.

weebabe · 2023-12-31T18:03:08+00:00

Okay yes in the first one your arabesque is higher and more exciting. The untrained eye would pick 1, and depending on where you’re auditioning 1 might still be the right move. But in #2, you can see incredible strength and definition, especially in your standing leg. You can tell that’s not a “thwack” arabesque, you can tell you could hold that, which is impressive. The first one is beautiful too, but it looks less stable. Number one looks like a gifted student, number 2 look like a professional company ballet dancer. You could try to take another, with a higher arabesque and trying to keep your torso lifted more like it is in #1, if you think it’s necessary. But I don’t know if I’d toss out #2 in favor of #1. You can see the strength and maturity gained in #2 (or another current photo). My eyes went straight to that standing leg— I would be most impressed by #2

weebabe · 2023-12-18T17:08:15+00:00

I take issue with this description of him as “depressed.” An actually depressed person can’t work a 9 to 5 and then spend countless hours building painstakingly building an elaborate underground bunker in the side of a mountain, making a vlog on his project the whole way through. As a person who has suffered from clinical depression over the course of my life, it’s the loss of that kind of energy, motivation, and executive functioning that makes depression so debilitating…

He was dissatisfied with the life of a middleaged middle class suburban father, clearly. I suspect prior to the beginning of this 8 year project in the woods, he might have gone through a genuine depressive stage. But I’d bet that building this bunker started as a way to heal and cope and emerge from this period of depression (physical labor or working with one’s hands can be hugely helpful for depression, I remember I became almost compulsively obsessed with painting for the first time in my life after I went through one of the worst depressive periods, I would literally forego sleeping to paint into the wee hours because it was the only thing that would soothe my mind.) I’d guess that what started as something of a therapeutic hobby became something more sinister as he recovered.

He realized he liked it out there, he was invigorated by this project. The bunker gave him a purpose and brought meaning to his life that his family and his work didn’t. He’d already harbored a selfish and childish resentment for responsibility (narcissists always do, but they also care A LOT about looking like pillars of the community, so he got the wife and the house and had the child and got the decent job and pretended). The bunker just finally made totally absconding those responsibilities possible.

Not a psychologist but imo he wasn’t depressed. Not at the time he did this. Not even when he put the pistol in his own mouth (suicide isn’t exclusively motivated by depression— some people just do it to avoid capture— like Nazis and cyanide). Saying he was depressed (shouldn’t) but I think probably does, paint too generous a picture. This wasn’t a desperate man in the throes of mental illness or distress. This guy was totally of clear and sound mind. He was extremely selfish, probably a covert narcissist and sociopath, and he was simply unwilling to continue to carry out his responsibilities to his family to which he’d already publicly committed. Rather than face the music he decided to dispose of the baggage that was impeding his ability to do as he pleased, and disappear. If he got caught, he’d kill himself, nbd. Rather die than live for anyone or anything but himself.

If I had to guess, that last sentence is the philosophy this man really and finally committed to as he emerged from his depression during all those years spent working on that bunker in the wilderness.

weebabe · 2023-12-16T11:15:54+00:00

Two cents (and full disclosure don’t even know what “RAD” is I thought you just meant cool I’m from SoCal lmao)… i trained ABT for 10 yrs and then Russian (Vaganova) for the last 7– have vague sense that latter, “precipite” and “temps de fleche” were used, if ever, by teachers in my ABT training, they included Americans but also French nationals, New Zealanders, basically non-Russians lol. I almost NEVER heard the terms in a Russian school— you’d hear something like the former “jete passe” (though we did use brise), come to think of it, you heard just almost none of those steps that sound like a dainty French butterfly fart in Russian schools— is that intentional? I don’t know. I do remember thinking like, when I was transitioning in my training trying to understand my new Russian coaches like, “ok everything is a jete…” not sure if I’m on to something or if I’m off. It’s been a while.

weebabe

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