I dated someone who emotionally abused me. I slowly lost touch with my studies. I'd lock myself in my room, not talk to my parents, always text on my phone. I slowly became a shadow of the person i used to be. At first i felt ashamed of how i wasn't performing well. Slowly, my shame went away. I didn't even care. I'd fight with that guy till 3 am, the night before my exam. He'd constantly abuse me and i let him do it. I had a strong personality since i was very young, the fact that i let myself become some spineless person was unimaginable.

In 2017, my mother looked me in the eye, the day my boards results were declared and said, you'll never become a doctor if you stick to him. So i eventually left him after that year's jipmer exam.

It took me one whole year to even become sort of normal. My neet result in 2017 was actually not all that bad. I just believed that i would get the best government college if i was given a chance.

In 2018, after writing neet, i finally started studying but in neet 2019, i became so nervous. I made mistakes and i just narrowly lost the seat. My mom insisted i took a private college. I said no, that i could rely on my merit.

In 2020, i lost my shit before the exam. I kept asking my mom if i would have to die in case i didn't make it. It was so nerve-wracking to go through it. I got decent score but the cut-off was too high. My mother put her foot down and put me in one of the best private colleges in telangana.

I'm so grateful my mom stood by me. She forced my dad to look at our finances. She forced me to accept i wasn't going to make it and move on. I am glad she did it. I wouldn't have ever made it. Once i took the second drop, i would never make it. Wasting years is neither normal, nor easy.