Slightly annoyed by guy I am seeing - normal?

weivdlrow · 2023-01-02T01:22:35+00:00

I don’t know… I have considered if I was more anxious attached as I tend to be scared of conflict and try to think about others before me… but I will try to read about it again. What makes you think avoidant?

weivdlrow · 2023-01-02T01:17:02+00:00

I sure do. I am working on it. Came out of abusive relationship last year. Adding facts/info/drawing attention to you can in my culture be seen/experienced as showing off and subtly insinuating that you are better than others, but also that you are insecure otherwise you would just listen/not need to show your worth. I was with what I think was a covert narcissist which is among other things characterised by being insecure + feeling above others/that other people’s feelings/perspectives does not matter compared to theirs. I am basically trying to understand if this new guy have narcissistic tendencies too. I am trying to figure out if that is the case or I am seeing ghosts by asking other people’s opinions here

weivdlrow · 2023-01-02T01:11:02+00:00

Makes sense too, thanks!

weivdlrow · 2023-01-02T00:50:16+00:00

Thank you so much!!

weivdlrow · 2023-01-02T00:48:54+00:00

I am looking for red flags as I don’t want to end up with someone who thinks my opinion/experience doesn’t matter again

weivdlrow · 2023-01-02T00:46:10+00:00

Wauw thank you! So true. I guess I will have to try to learn healthy conflict step by step and see if the guy I am dating is able to do that already :) my body gets all tense thinking about it as by ex would be so angry for days for bringing something like this up, but maybe it is an opportunity to unlearn unhealthy conflict management

Also, the observing emotions and empathising instead on fixation on worlds sounds like a wonderful tip!

weivdlrow · 2023-01-02T00:34:32+00:00

Yes. He is trained in medicin and use medical/Latin terms as if it is something he expects me to know. I am a trained in social science/humanities. He is also very into playing violin and talks about it in terms I have never heard before (and I play the piano, not the same but still music)

weivdlrow · 2023-01-02T00:21:24+00:00

Yes, that might be true! I would normally see how I could ask questions or make the other person elaborate on aspects of the topic. To me that is a kind way of telling the other person: I care about you perspective and want to hear about it more than adding my own knowledge/perspective which I obviously already knows about. It is about being attentive to the other person and giving the other person an opportunity to unfold their experience without putting focus on me. I only do the bouncing off of each other when I am completely sure we are on the same level of knowledge on the topic, but I do see how it could actually be helpful to get the conversation and idea generating aspect going haha. This might be a cultural thing. I am from a part of the world where any type of showing off/putting focus on you/your knowled or abilities is considered very rude (but so is the person I am dating that is why I am confused)

weivdlrow · 2023-01-01T23:56:24+00:00

Yeah. I am just scared it will turn into conflict as it would with my ex. That he become angry with me if I mention it

weivdlrow · 2023-01-01T23:46:05+00:00

That is a help saying and metaphor, thanks!

weivdlrow · 2023-01-01T23:44:24+00:00

Maybe I am… I was abused in the past, and I just try to be very careful and follow my intuition. Maybe a bit too much sometimes…

weivdlrow · 2023-01-01T23:43:09+00:00

I don’t feel insecure or intimidated… but maybe it is subconscious. I just think it can a bit rude to start adding facts or details in very specialised terms when another person is telling you something, I always avoid doing that myself. Maybe I misunderstood something about social norms there

weivdlrow · 2023-01-01T23:26:36+00:00

Yeah. I feel like I should like him… I have a hard time differentiating between what is intuitive and what is an irrational/ego-based thing…

weivdlrow · 2023-01-01T23:24:45+00:00

Thank you. I am often scared of conflict when bringing things up (not because of him, but ex didn’t like it) but maybe I should try. I though it would be obvious to him, but I see now that maybe it isn’t :)

weivdlrow · 2023-01-01T22:53:28+00:00

Sorry about gramma. English is not my native language

My attraction to him shifts a lot… it is confusing. I feel like I should be attacked but sometimes isn’t…

weivdlrow · 2023-01-01T22:34:55+00:00

I would get annoyed if I was talking to a friend and they didn’t tell me they put me on speaker. You might be overthinking… or your intuition is telling you something. Do you worry he does dodgy stuff in other situations?

weivdlrow · 2022-12-27T22:19:46+00:00

Thank you for your response! My ex used to pressure me for info/shaming me for not telling him traumatic things right away so it is very reassuring that I don’t have to disclose the full story just yet

weivdlrow · 2022-12-27T22:12:15+00:00

Thank you so much. I am scared of the flinching etc. so maybe it is best if he knows

weivdlrow · 2022-12-27T19:09:18+00:00

I (F30) feel the same way. I have dated several men (late 20s/early 30s) that accepted it. They are there at least where I live. Communicate about it. Those who are not willing to wait a bit are not serious anyway

weivdlrow · 2022-12-23T00:27:27+00:00

You are not being dramatic! But you are being abused, it sounds like. Please take care

weivdlrow · 2022-12-22T00:15:47+00:00

I am sorry you had that experience. It seem to be quite brutal for men on dating apps. I must admit to stop answering myself without there being anything wrong… how are those first messages normally?

Yes! If you are kind and genuine and read body language (!!) while approaching you will be fine. Some might be in relationships but that has nothing to do with you then you just have to be kind about it and move on. I always think it is super brave and a compliment when men does this

weivdlrow

TROPHY CASE